Everything We Do Communicates: The First Principle of Intentional Communication

by Jan Pedersen

The human species is hard-wired for communication. There is literally nothing we can do to NOT communicate.

Why? Because communication is the fundamental means by which humans have evolved into the dominant species on the planet.

In other words, communication enhances, if not guarantees, our survival.

By the age of four all normal children have acquired the rules of their native language with literally no formal instruction beyond day-to-day interaction. As a matter of fact, infants and toddlers in all cultures acquire language at the same rate, and no matter what the language, all of them make exactly the same grammatical mistakes. One goose -- two gooses -- in Mandarin, Swahili and American Sign Language. All humans communicate. Naturally.

We learn to communicate by osmosis, literally soaking up the environmental cues necessary to get our needs met. Our brains grow explosively, associating certain sounds, sights, actions and feelings with our experiences. This muscular contraction on my face gets me picked up. That particular scream gets me fed. And by the time we're four years old, we can string a comprehensive sentence together and express our wants and needs more directly.

Some psychologists tell us that we have learned literally all we need to know about how to survive in our culture by the time we're four years old. That's good news.

But the bad news is those early experiences of learning through trial and error and association harden into rules that, if we don't consciously think about, are never broken.

In other words, most adults communicate based on rules they acquired as toddlers, completely unaware of how profoundly they are communicating -- all the time. Everywhere. With everyone. Look at people's faces. Notice how they walk, sit, stand and move. Eavesdrop. Listen to conversations.

Watch people interact at work, in the grocery store, at the bank. Start paying attention. Communication is always and everywhere occurring. There is literally nothing we can do, short of dying or dropping into a coma, to NOT communicate.

Now consider how much of what you're observing about the communication in the world is absolutely unconscious, automatic and unintentional. Communication surrounds and pervades us, like water surrounds and pervades fish. And we don't even notice.

That leaves me to wonder what might happen if we all started paying attention to how we communicate, instead of just babbling like four-year-olds. Could we, if we started communicating intentionally, impact violence in the world? Could we actually accomplish those naive dreams that seem so unattainable -- like tolerance, peace, and justice?

Could we actually live up to the promise of our species?
I have hope.

About the Author

Jan Pedersen Speaker, Trainer, Author "Mastering life by mastering communication." Author: "Intentional Communication: Speaking and Listening for Results". www.communicate4results.com