The Shadow King: The Invisible Force That Holds Women Back

The Shadow King: The Invisible Force That Holds Women Back
by Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone

Introduction

My mother called me aside and whispered to me in a conspiratorial voice: 'Let him win, dear, it will make him feel good. You know, boys don't like to lose to girls'. So I went back to our game of Anagrams and I dutifully lost it.

I was winning the game of Anagrams and I loved it! I could feel my mind working like a powerful machine as I easily outdistanced the boy who faced me across the small table. I felt like Atalanta, a Greek heroine I admired at that time. She could run faster than anyone, man or woman, and I wanted to be just like her. But our mothers passed the room in which we were playing and, as they looked inside, they could see what was happening. My mother called me aside and whispered to me in a conspiritorial voice: "Let him win, dear, it will make him feel good. You know, boys don't like to lose to girls". So I went back to our game of Anagrams and I dutifully lost it. My mother, in all good faith, was teaching me the subtle rules I would be expected to follow for the remainder of my life. She was helping to create my Inner Patriarch who would rule over my behavior as a woman.

There have been many changes for women in the fifty years since this game of Anagrams was interrupted. Women are now allowed to win. We do not speak to our daughters the way my mother spoke to me. The rules have been changed. Thanks to the activities of the feminists, both men and women, the playing field is far more even than in the past. The patriarchal system that dominated our culture has been questioned and has undergone major alterations. There is still work to be done, but this book is not about changing the system.

This book is about changing ourselves. Although the outer system has been changed, our belief systems have not. Within each of us lives an Inner Patriarch that continues to carry the old patriarchal rules and values, the rules that were taught us by our mothers. This Inner Patriarch controls us from the inside, not the outside. We do not necessarily know about him because he operates beyond the edges of our awareness. He rules from the shadows of our unconscious which is why I sometimes call him the Shadow King. When we do not know about him, this Shadow King is our enemy.

The enemy is no longer "out there" but lies deep within each of us. This is actually very advantageous. Because we are dealing with our own beliefs rather than the beliefs of others, we, as individuals, have the power to make whatever changes we wish.

About This Book

This book is primarily written for women, but it is valuable for men as well. Not only will men learn about their own Patriarchs, but they will certainly gain a greater understanding of the women in their lives. It gives the information and the tools you will need to discover your own Inner Patriarch and to change him. It shines a light into the unconscious where the Shadow King reigns so that you can discover your own beliefs and begin to evaluate them consciously. It then presents effective tools for making the changes that you want to make.

The first section of the book introduces you to the Shadow King. It gives a picture of his subtle influence upon us as women and upon values of the culture in which we live. I describe my initial meetings with this Shadow King, or Inner Patriarch, and give an overview of who he is and how he functions. The second section of the book is devoted to an in-depth study of the Inner Patriarch as I have come to know him. The third section shows how we women have dealt with him in the past. The remainder of the book is devoted to a new way of dealing with the Inner Patriarch. It includes both an appreciation of his gifts and a number of effective methods that will change him from an enemy into an ally. It ends with a new path to follow, one which will allow full and creative partnership between men and women.

About the Author

Hal Stone, Ph.D. and Sidra Stone, Ph.D. are the co-creators of Voice Dialogue. They are hopeless romantics and, as clinical psychologists with a combined experience of about 80 years, they are committed to keeping the magic and vitality in relationships. They have co-authored five books. Their latest book, Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship, sums up a lifetime of wisdom. Their books are available at local bookstores or from Amazon.com. www.delos-inc.com