Embracing Our Dark Side : Part 2

Do I Have To Give Up ME to be Loved by GOD?
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

(Page 2 of 2)

Susan Sarandon, in the movie Dead Man Walking, is a wonderful role model for loving behavior. She plays a nun who has been asked by a murderer on death row to help him avoid execution. The murderer, played by Sean Penn, is a despicable human being. Not only did he rape and murder in cold blood, he is a racist and he continues to avoid responsibility with his blame, lies and manipulations. Almost no one in the nun's life supports her efforts on his behalf. They accuse her, blame her, shun her, yet never once does she lose her connection with God. She tells the murderer that he is a son of God and therefore greater than his worst acts. While never condoning his acts, she never condemns him as a person. She lovingly confronts him with himself. Although she does not like him, she loves him. She becomes the face of God for him, and through her love, which is God, he opens his heart and is redeemed. Penn's character is very dark, the worst of the wounded self, while Sarandon's is very light, the best of the loving Adult.

Given that you might not have role models of loving behavior in your daily life, you can use your spiritual Guidance as your role model to emulate and assimilate. Eventually, when you do this long enough, you begin to take on the qualities of your Guidance. This is how you develop your loving Adult. It takes practice. You have to learn to concentrate on this imaginative process and to trust what you hear.

When clients of mine first start to do this, I generally hear them say, "How do I know this is real? It feels like I'm just making this up, that it's just my imagination." Many of us have been brought up to believe that when we create--whether it be poetry, a painting, a song, a musical score, a book, a screenplay, a theory--we bring these things forth from our own minds. We may believe that we actually have the capacity to be creative all by ourselves. The truth is that creativity flows when we are open to Spirit and use the gift of our imaginations.

I no longer believe that my theories, my writing, my paintings or even the words that flow from me when I am working with someone or leading a workshop come from my own individual mind. I experience my mind more as a receiver of Divine information, which I can then transmit through my writing, speaking and painting. Just as love, compassion, truth, peace and joy are not feelings we generate from within our own small selves but are gifts from Spirit, so too are our imagination and the creativity that flows from it. We all have the capacity to learn to access the Source of wisdom and creativity.

It has taken me time and practice to trust the information that comes through me. I have learned over the years that when I do not trust my spiritual Guidance, bad things happen. This really hit home for me in the summer of 1995 when I was leading an Inner Bonding five-day intensive in Missouri. It was the fourth day of the intensive and I was pouring some tea from a pitcher during one of our breaks. I heard my spiritual Guidance say, "Do not drink that, it is contaminated." I decided I was being paranoid and drank it anyway. The next morning I woke up with a terrible sore throat--the first time I had been sick in years--and so did a number of other people, all of whom had drunk the tea. Even with all the years I had been dialoguing with and listening to my Guidance, I still lacked trust and needed another lesson in humility: that my individual mind, unplugged from spiritual Guidance, doesn't know much.

So it takes a lot of practice, yet practicing seems to be difficult for many people. If you were determined to become accomplished at a particular skill, for example playing a musical instrument, you would think nothing of practicing every day. In fact, you would know that you needed to practice daily in order to become skilled and then continue practicing daily to maintain your skill. Becoming skilled at Inner Bonding is no different. You will become skilled only by daily practice, and you will continue to reap the benefits only by daily practice. It is only through daily practice that you will learn to consistently hear and trust both your Guidance and your true Self. The problem is that the wounded self won't practice, so unless you pray daily for help in shifting your deepest desire from getting love to being loving, you will not have enough of a loving Adult to override the wounded self and make the decision to practice.

Many of my clients, coming in for help because they are suffering, find that they start to feel better within days of starting to practice Inner Bonding. Then, as soon as they feel better, they stop practicing and go right back to feeling badly. Sometimes they then conclude that Inner Bonding doesn't work. This is like saying that if you have a young son and you give him love one day but ignore him for the next few days, he should continue to feel happy because of the one day you did give him love. This doesn't work with your Inner Child any more than it does with real children. Just as babies need you to be constantly tuned in to them, your Inner Child needs you to be constantly aware of your feelings and needs. Becoming this aware and maintaining this awareness takes daily practice.

The good news is that practice really pays off. Clients of mine who have been practicing Inner Bonding for an extended period of time (it varies for each person) find that eventually they do it all the time. They naturally stay tuned in to their Inner Child and their spiritual Guidance, and they naturally dialogue with them whenever they feel anything other than peace and joy inside. They find themselves doing it in the shower, while preparing meals, doing chores, waiting in line at the market or stuck in traffic. After much practice, they are delighted to find that they feel no longer allow themselves to feel badly for any length of time. They are progressing rapidly toward wholeness and oneness with God.

About the Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a noted public speaker, best-selling author, workshop leader, chaplain, and Inner Bonding facilitator. She has counseled individuals and couples, and led groups, classes, and workshops since 1973. She is the author and co-author of eight books, including the best-selling Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?, Healing Your Aloneness, Inner Bonding, as well as Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? She is the co-creator of Inner Bonding, a powerful spiritual healing process. Her Web site offers much information and help with the Inner Bonding process. Please visit authors website at MargaretPaul.com