Embracing Our Dark Side

Do I Have To Give Up ME to be Loved by GOD?
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Our wounded self is our dark or shadow side, not because it is bad but because it is cut off from the light of God. It lives in the darkness of fear and the heaviness of false beliefs instead of in the light of love and truth. Moving toward "enlightenment" is moving into the light of truth. When we heal our fears and false beliefs, our energy lightens. We may even hear from others, "You seem so much lighter!"

Doorways to Darkness

Just as the light of God enters our hearts when we choose to open to love, the darkness enters when we choose to close our hearts and act from anger, fear, shame, judgment or hurt. This is what happened in The Return of the Jedi, the last of the original Star Wars series. In this movie, the emperor, who was the epitome of darkness, was trying to get Luke to join the dark side. He knew if he could just get Luke angry enough or frightened enough, he would want to kill his father, Darth Vader, and then the emperor would own Luke as he had owned Luke's father. The emperor knew that anger and fear were the doorways to darkness.

Our anger, fear, shame, judgment and hurt are the cracks in our energy field through which the darkness enters. The darkness can also enter when we cloud our energy with drugs, alcohol, nicotine or sugar. Do you recall the trial in San Francisco that employed the infamous "Twinkie defense"? About twenty years ago, the mayor and a city supervisor were shot down inside City Hall and their killer got a short sentence because of his "diminished capacity" due to having eaten a diet of only junk food.

In one of my dialogues with my Teacher, she challenged me about darkness. She said, "Margie, you have worked for many years to be physically healthy. Not only that, you have striven to be immune to illness. Likewise, for many years you have sought to become a more loving person. Now your task is to become immune to darkness." I was blown away. Becoming immune to darkness means never acting out of my wounded self's feelings of fear, anger, shame, judgment or hurt but always moving into an intent to learn about these feelings as soon as they come up. I can tell you, it's quite a challenge! I don't know if I will ever accomplish this, but it certainly is a worthy goal.

Through purifying ourselves on the physical and emotional levels by eating well and doing our healing work, each of us can reach a place where our frequency is high enough that we can do this, we can hear our spiritual Guidance all the time. Being in conscious connection (and dialogue) with both our Inner Child and our spiritual Guidance at all times is one of the goals of Inner Bonding. By doing the dialogue processes--Steps Three and Four of Inner Bonding--we begin to heal the cracks in our energy field through which the darkness enters, and we shine the light of truth into the wounded self's fears and false beliefs.

When we feel hurt, angry, judgmental, shamed, blaming, depressed or frightened, our dialogues are with the wounded aspect of our Inner Child. These painful feelings come from our own unloving behavior toward ourselves. However, when you have been operating most of the time from your wounded self, you cannot suddenly become a loving Adult in order to do the dialogue process. So, often, your early dialogues may be between one aspect of your wounded self (for example, the part that chooses to indulge in binge eating), and another aspect of it (the part that is furious at being overweight). Since dialoguing between two aspects of your wounded self won't get you anywhere, you might conclude that Inner Bonding doesn't work.

Here's what's really not working: We cannot bring light to darkness with darkness. In other words, we can't heal our darkness by being furious at it. We can transform darkness into light only by learning about and loving the darkness. We heal darkness only with light--the light of love. Our challenge is to love the part of us that we judge as bad, unlovable or unworthy, and it's a challenge that calls for the loving Adult.

But how can we have a dialogue between our wounded self and our loving Adult when we haven't yet developed a loving Adult? Here is where your imagination comes into play. You need to imagine that the dialogue is between your wounded self and your personal spiritual Guidance. (If you have not yet created this connection, see pages 173-178 in Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? for how to create this). You ask your wounded self questions and offer comfort and help, not from your own thoughts, but from what you would imagine your loving, wise and powerful spiritual Guidance would say and do. (You can see two examples of how this works in the dialogues in chapter 8 of Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?) Or, if you know a person who you feel really is loving, wise and powerful, you imagine that person in dialogue with your Inner Child. Either one is a good stand-in for your loving Adult.

About the Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a noted public speaker, best-selling author, workshop leader, chaplain, and Inner Bonding facilitator. She has counseled individuals and couples, and led groups, classes, and workshops since 1973. She is the author and co-author of eight books, including the best-selling Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?, Healing Your Aloneness, Inner Bonding, as well as Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? She is the co-creator of Inner Bonding, a powerful spiritual healing process. Her Web site offers much information and help with the Inner Bonding process. Please visit authors website at MargaretPaul.com