Did You Come, Baby?

by Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.

Out of curiosity, a need to finish a job once started, or genuine concern, men, having recovered from their own post-orgasmic euphoria, are apt to ask their partners if they had made it as well. It is interesting that the converse is seldom true... women rarely ask men. It's either they don't care or they assume that men always get their's. It is certainly true that men are considerably more predictable - rub it, suck it, stroke it - with enough stimulation, the guys are going to pop. Women, on the other hand, seem more complicated when it comes to reaching orgasm, and to make matters worse, there's nothing big down there to grab a hold of.

As statistics based on surveys tend to do, the numbers assigned to female orgasms vary, depending on who was surveyed and who is reporting. However, probably as much as 15 percent of the female population have never experience an orgasm, and there may be up to 10 percent who can only orgasm when masturbating alone. The majority of women can orgasm with their partners, but only when the men are rubbing or licking their clitorises, or the women are "buzzing off" with a vibrator. (Marvelous contraptions!) Only about 30 percent of women will orgasm during intercourse. That means that about 70 percent of women have never, and might never, get off with penile-vaginal stimulation alone, unless there is something they can learn from the 30 percent who are making it.

Before going on and perhaps revealing a few secrets, let me point out again that the issue of female orgasm is complex. While at one extreme some women never have a single orgasm while awake (some will come in their sleep, the female equivalent of a boy's wet dream), but others will have three or more... the record (don't ask for a phone number) is somewhere around 35 in an hour. There is also a wide variety of ways women get there. Some women can orgasm with nipple stimulation alone, some can get off by squeezing the pelvic floor muscles that surround the opening of their vaginas, and some women have been found who seem able to orgasm with fantasy alone, these women being proficient at "thinking off."

Regardless of the position, there will be women who will make it... standing on their heads... no problem. However, there is a problem with most positions of intercourse, and the way they are performed in the heat of passion. Most women will not receive the direct clitoral stimulation needed to reach a climax in most positions, especially when the man is making long strokes. Without clitoral involvement, the experience for most women will range from an "is that all there is" reaction to a "feels good but it ain't goin' anywhere!" What's a girl to do?

First let's clear up some misconceptions: The old saying about the size of the plow being secondary in importance to the time a man keeps it in the ground, isn't automatically true. For a man to simply last longer while doing the wrong thing will not help. And then there's the G Spot. If a woman even has a sensitive G Spot, it is probably in a place that cannot be easily reached by a penis. (See the video titled "Unlocking the Secrets of the G-spot.")Then, there are the reports of other mysterious centers of erogenous sensitivity... the X Spots. Repeatedly poking any of these spots probably will not get a woman off either. And relax guys, bigger is not necessarily better, for there is indeed some truth to that saying about the size of the tool being less important than the skill of the workman.

Now to the information many readers will have already discovered, so this is for those who are still wondering. Remember, clitoral stimulation is the trigger for most women, and a man who is on top (missionary position) and is taking long, deep in-out strokes might be hitting her liver, but he's missing her clitoris. One of my not-so-bright clients had once called this the mercenary position, and I think some women might agree. Now, for the same reason, if a woman is squatting over her guy and is bouncing up and down, all she is getting for herself is up-down vaginal stimulation, and most vaginas are not very sensitive. The neglected clitoris is missing out on all the action and the woman's excitement plateaus, shortly before her legs give out!

If, on the other hand, a woman straddles a man, leans forward and slides front to back, and if she stays in close, she can rub her clitoris on her partner's pubic bone as she pushes forward and can run her clitoris up the shaft of his penis as she pushes back. The man, who is laying passively on his back, will know she has made clitoral contact if on her back swing she bends his penis toward his feet. This gives her a good firm surface to rub against and will not cause any harm to the instrument of her pleasure. She must stay in close, however, to maintain the clitoral contact.

Some women can lay flat on top of their partner, but down lower on his body than the man might have chosen. She would want the erection to be pointing upward so that it passes over her clitoris and then enters her vagina. With short pelvic thrusts up and down, never losing contact with the erection, the woman can achieve the clitoral stimulation needed for her to reach orgasm.

There are several advantages to the female superior positions. First, it is the woman who is running the show and she is, therefore, able to get her clitoris where she needs it to be. Second, it is a neat trip for guys who are tired of orchestrating every encounter... it's his turn to get used. Finally, with a man on his back, with the very short strokes, and by staying fairly relaxed, he is very likely to last longer, giving his partner the time she needs to reach orgasm before he does.

Oh.... I forgot to mention the view for the man... his partner astride him, her breasts swinging with each of her powerful thrusts as she does her thing.... nice!

© 2001 Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.

About the Author

www.oralcaress.com
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Retired Marital & Sex Therapist, 35 years as a psychologist specializing in building sensual, intimate, and loving relationships. Clinician, lecturer, workshop leader, and author of nine books.