I am dedicated to showing people how to live their lives successfully. However, I felt that death should be dealt with, too. We have an opportunity to make one last contribution. Let's make sure we make it our best.

Are you going to die . . . soon?

Hm. That's a difficult question. Well, let's get prepared, regardless of when that time comes. And, as always, let's think about others while we're at it.

There may be some that actually think people SHOULD grieve or HAVE TO grieve at their funeral. People grieve in the way that is best for them. That doesn't mean it has to be at a time and place they will remember for the rest of their lives. If you feel they must, this article isn't for you. Sorry.

Let's think about the people coming to your funeral. They are going to be pretty upset, aren't they?

What do you think? Should you do what you can to help them get through this, or should you let them grieve?

Let's remember that grieving is an individual process. Everyone does it differently. You will, too, when someone dies and leaves you to go to his or her funeral, then to face your life the next day without them. Wouldn't you say that's a bad enough trek for you?

Why should people suffer more at a funeral than they have to?

Now, this isn't a recommendation of any sort. I am fully aware of the different aspects of dying, of mourning, and of the seriousness of it. You have to make a choice every time you think about that person. Are you going to think sad thoughts or are you going to think good thoughts? You know what I prefer. You make your own decision, BUT make it wisely.

Do you realize that good thoughts will help that person's soul continue on its journey. Do you realize bad thoughts do not help that person's soul continue on its journey?

I'm sure, somewhere, it says we should have long funerals. However, I disagree. If fellowship is needed, and I feel it is, then have a long reception with planned socializing. Why not have something that encourages togetherness, so people know they aren't alone?

The point is, we are all going to die. The point is, we can be in charge of our own funeral. The point is, WE can make OUR funeral set the pace for our loved ones while still being sensitive to their needs.

The reason the experience at the funeral is so important, in case some of you didn't know, is because we don't cry our hearts out at the funeral and then go out and live our lives as usual the next day. It's too hard. We have a memory now of the funeral that we will carry with us. It is up to the person who has passed over to do what they can ahead of time to make sure their funeral sets the right pace, that the memory doesn't hurt any more than it has to.

There is a little ditty after this article. If you don't like it, per se, take responsibility to find something to take its place. But only IF you agree that a funeral sets the pace for your loved ones and their memories of you. IF you agree that the sooner a person can start living productively again, they WILL start living productively. IF you agree that we need to change the course funerals have been taking.

It may seem purely irrelevant to our lives, but since it is death, it isn't irrelevant. We don't need to march to the old drummer. We need to start living our lives as successfully as we know how. We need to direct our deaths as successfully as we know how, so the living can get on with their lives. This is only the beginning of what we can do to help them.

Again, You Can't Sing If You're Dead . . . But the congregation can.

This is one song that comes to mind as the casket goes out, but only if you have a sense of humor. I mean no offense, as you know if you've read my other articles.

To the tune of: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

There's a fly in my casket, close the lid.
There's a fly in my casket, close the lid.
There's a fly in my casket, it will stay if I ask it.
There's a fly in my casket, close the lid.

Copyright 2002, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide

About the Author

Jan Tincher, Master Neuro-Linguistic Programmer & Hypnotherapist, is a nationally recognized expert in Hypnotherapy & Neuro-Linguistic Programming. She teaches strategies and techniques that help people find success. She is an award winning author, and has written hundreds of articles that show people how to live healthier, happier lives. You can read her articles at Self Help Advice Web Site