The Voice Dialogue Method

Embracing Our Selves: The Voice Dialogue Manual
by Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone

(Page 7 of 9)

In the last section of this chapter we wish to describe to you the method of Voice Dialogue and how it may be used in clinical practice with individuals and, to a lesser extent, with couples. It is the basic attitude towards the work and the selves that is most important, the details of the work are somewhat less so. That is why we have devoted so much of this article to an explanation of the selves and how they develop.

Introducing the Work

In the course of general discussion with a client, a pattern of behavior and thought may begin to emerge. For example, the client may report many instances of low self esteem and much self criticism. The therapist, sensing the power of the Inner Critic lurking behind the scenes, might say:

Therapist - I have the sense that there is a very powerful voice in you that loves to criticize you and make you feel badly about yourself. Is this true? Am I hearing correctly?

The client's response to this often determines whether or not Voice Dialogue is appropriate in this situation. Some clients willl jump on this and provide a natural lead in to Voice Dialogue. For example, let us call our client Ruth and see how she responds:

Ruth - You're hearing correctly, all right. I hear this voice all the time. I never really thought about it as a voice before, but that's certainly what it is.

Ther. - Do you think I might meet this person? Does it feel like a he or a she?

Ruth - Oh this one's a he -- It's my father. I can hear him right now.

Ther. - How about moving your chair over to wherever it is that he is sitting. I'd like to talk with him. ( Ruth moves over to another place and sits there. Her body posture changes. She appears to be much more powerful than in the ego place ) Good morning. How are you?

Critic Voice - I'm fine. What can I do for you?

Ther. - Well, you were listening to my discussion with Ruth?

Critic - Yes - I was listening -- So?

Ther. - I just had the impression that you were the one who was always criticizing her and I wanted to meet you and hear from you directly. What really is wrong with Ruth? What is it that you don't like about her?

Critic - You've got to be kidding! It's better that you should ask what isn't wrong with her? There's nothing right about her.

From this point on, the therapist's job is to guide the voice, to let it unfold. The therapist is talking to the Critic but, at another level, the therapist is also connected to the Awareness level and to the Aware Ego of the client. It is as though the Aware Ego is being taught while the voice is being addressed. Thus, the discussion that ensues is ultimately for the benefit of the Awareness level and the Aware Ego.

John comes into his session always racing and always at the last minute. The facilitator might introduce the session in a number of different ways. He might say: “I wonder who it is that always gets you to race the way you do. Do you think I might talk to that person?” If the client has to leave early or there is a suggestion of overbooking, the therapist might ask: “Could I speak to the person in you who fills out your appointment calendar?” Here are some other possible lead ins to Voice Dialogue.

Could I talk to the part of you that doesn't like you to act in a shy way in the world?

Could I talk to the part of you that hates your parents?

Could I talk to the part of you that feels critical of me? (the therapist) The Voice Dialogue process creates remarkable opportunities for working with the transference. Each part has its own unique reaction system to the therapist.

Could I talk to the little girl who used to love to hide in the closets and play? Could I talk to the little boy who used to make up stories all the time?

Could I talk to the one who loves to punish his wife? Could I talk to the part of you who likes to be taken care of by your husband? Could I talk to the part of you who does not want to have sexual relations?

Could I talk to the part of you that is impersonal - maybe like a business person or an inner psychoanalyst?

Could I meet the part of you that would just like to be - just be, nothing more.

Could I talk to the part of you who goes into the bookstore and buys all the consciousness books to read? Could I talk to the part of you that keeps the list of what books and articles you should read?

There is no end to the selves that can be contacted. If they feel treated with respect and honor, if they feel that the facilitator is treating them as real people, these voice systems open up in the most remarkable ways. The ingenuity of the therapist can make the work a lot of fun.

About the Author

Hal Stone, Ph.D. and Sidra Stone, Ph.D. are the co-creators of Voice Dialogue. They are hopeless romantics and, as clinical psychologists with a combined experience of about 80 years, they are committed to keeping the magic and vitality in relationships. They have co-authored five books. Their latest book, Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship, sums up a lifetime of wisdom. Their books are available at local bookstores or from Amazon.com. www.delos-inc.com