Love Takes Work : Part 2

by Paul Mauchline

(Page 2 of 2)

A nice analogy for this process is that of mining for diamonds. On the surface, you can see certain signs that tell you that diamonds might be down there, somewhere below the surface. You decide to dig, and you invest all your time into digging. It is messy work. You feel like giving up, but all the signs on the surface insure you that there will be diamonds down there, somewhere. So you keep digging. Eventually, after a lot of time and a lot of effort, you find rough gemstones deep below the ground. How amazing that such beauty could be so far under the surface of the earth, under so much dirt. You are very glad that you persevered, instead of giving up in your search.

Relationships are exactly like this. Put the work into a relationship with the right person, and you will reap the love and intimacy benefits. When you have unrealistic expectations, you give up very early on in the relationship, without giving your partner or yourself a chance. You miss the opportunity to find the diamonds within your partner and within yourself. You will both feel cheated, and neither of you will really know why. Our expectations influence us, often without our even realizing it. It is important to recognize when your expectations are unrealistic and are interfering with your ability to form loving, intimate relationships. Changing your unrealistic expectations will seem foreign at first, because your beliefs have taken many years to form. Only through vigilance, hard work, and perseverance will you be able to change them, and to have more realistic expectations about loving, intimate relationships.

When you are considering whether someone is right or wrong for you, you must maintain your values, goals and lifestyle choices without serious compromise. As I have said before, communication is one of the most important components of a loving relationship. It is what allows us to rise in mature love with one another. Communication, the dialogue, the questions, and the answers: they all are key components in your effort to discover if your new partner meets your essential parameters for a long-term partner. Once you have determined that you wish to pursue a relationship, communication also is a key component in allowing the unlayering process to occur - as you unmask and show your deeper layers to your partner, and as you witness your partner while he or she unmasks and unlayers before you. Communication is an essential part of the work of any relationship.

A relationship is togetherness. You are one with your partner. As a couple, you have chosen to spend your lives united. The two of you travel life's journey, through its peaks and valleys, together -- so that you both might experience a loving, committed relationship, the type that we all seek today. As individuals, and as part of a couple, we all need to practice the art of loving daily. At all times, the art of loving requires from us patience, confidence, discipline, concentration, and faith. It is an attitude that we should live and present to the world through our daily thoughts, words, and actions. In a loving, committed relationship, you both must have this attitude. When you are both practicing the art of loving together, on a daily basis, this will allow you to experience a unique, fulfilling relationship that will be strong and resilient enough to endure any problems during your life's journey together. Finding the right person for you is only the beginning of this process. Without putting in the work, even the most perfectly matched couple's relationship eventually will fade. Many of us learn this the hard way, regretting that we did not work harder in a previous relationship while we still had the chance. Some of us find ourselves in another relationship, missing our old partner whom we know, in our heart, was the one for us.

Love is a two way street. It takes WORK from two individuals who are planning on starting a life together. It is a lifetime of work: so I caution you to recognize this now, rather than later. Take the time to know that you are indeed compatible with one another. Extinguish your fears. Have your priorities in order. Love one another to the highest degree. Keep digging till you find the diamonds within your partner, and your partner finds the diamonds within you. Have fun with one another, and enjoy a journey of passionate, committed, rising love together.

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The Art of Loving