Where Has The Love Gone, Part 2

by Paul Mauchline

(Page 2 of 2)

Touching one another in a non-sexual manner is the bridge to sexual intimacy. Non-sexual touch says, "You are important to me, I trust you, I love you, and I want to be with you." It is vital for the bond to grow between you and your partner. If you stop touching your partner, the bond between you starts to dissolve, the level of trust diminishes, and your relationship with your partner becomes increasingly distant and cold. It is next to impossible to share sexual intimacy when this is happening. In many cases, this is when affairs begin to occur. When touching stops, it is often a symptom that something is wrong in your relationship, or a signal that you need to re-establish the comfort that you once shared with one another. You need to identify the reasons for your lack of physical closeness -- and then take steps to remedy the situation. Sometimes, all it takes is a conscious commitment to demonstrate your love for one another through the simple act of touching. It is not until you are thoroughly comfortable with each other's touch again that you will be able to enjoy the pleasure, the wonder, and the ecstasy of sex once again.

We live in a very structured society, in which it is easy for us to get into routines. A common problem with many couples is that sex also becomes routine... even a little bit boring... boring to the point that the frequency of sexual intimacy diminishes. It is like anything in life: if you are bored with it, you do not want to do it as often. In my opinion, when sex trickles down and slows to a halt, it is an unfortunate occurrence that does not have to happen. All it takes is a little creativity and, above all, some imagination. A lot of people have affairs because they crave variety and excitement. Who is to say that you cannot have that variety and excitement with your partner?

Focus your energy, become creative, and use your imagination to invent new ways of being intimate with one another. For example, who says that sex has to be confined to the bedroom? What about on the kitchen table, in the shower, in front of a roaring fire in the living room, or maybe in your backyard at midnight under a full moon? What about creating an atmosphere with music, candles, sensuous attire, fragrances? How about role-playing? Remember, sex is fun. Do you always seem to have sex in the evening? Why not try the morning or the afternoon? Take a two-hour lunch break and have an erotic afternoon delight. Remember, there is nothing wrong with having a quickie, either.

Spontaneous, frantic, hurried sex can be exciting, exhilarating and explosive. Think of different ideas for turning each other on sexually. Go out for dinner and talk about sex all evening. Try wearing sexy clothes and working out together. Spend an entire day flirting or engaging in foreplay, but force yourselves to wait until the end of the day to have intercourse. Massage... non-erogenous touch... the list goes on of things you can do to spice up your sex lives. Creativity, imagination, and a little openness to some new ideas are all it takes to keep sexual intimacy alive in your relationship.

Some couples are very comfortable with being sexually creative; others are a little hesitant about being adventurous. If, as a couple, you and your partner can learn to become comfortable discussing your sex life, it will eventually give you the freedom to explore, together, new ways of making love. Learning about sex together -- by reading books or magazines, attending workshops, or watching educational videos -- is a wonderful opportunity to talk with your partner about your needs, wants, desires, or fantasies.

Communicating and learning together allows you to explore new sexual frontiers with each other. Talking about sex is an ongoing discussion that can continue throughout your relationship. As your relationship grows, your sexual intimacy develops and evolves, as well. Feeling comfortable with one another and having honest communication regarding sex will allow you and your partner to enjoy a satisfying, lifelong, sexual relationship with one another.

About the Author

The Art of Loving