I like him a lot and want to go out with him

by Peta Heskell

“You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.”
James Allen

Hey! My name is Shari and I am 14 years old in grade nine. I am on the cheerleading squad. I have a lot of friends and a lot of guys like me, but there's this one guy who has a brother who plays on my brothers hockey team. All my friends say he is interested in me and always flirts with me. But the only problem is, is he is in grade seven. He looks and is really mature for his age. I like him a lot and want to go out with him (all his friends told me that he wants to go out with me to) but won't that be “robbing the cradle”? Please help me I really need advice. Shari

Peta writes

Hi Shari,
You like him a lot and you want to go out with him. You have certain stories in your head that were planted by your family, teachers, friends. Most of them mean well and are trying to save you from what they think is 'not right'. Phrases like 'robbing the cradle' were invented by people, just like you and me. They are no more wise or better than us.

What happens is that we have natural inclinations to do things as a child. As we get older, other people stop us. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are wrong. If we can all learn to listen more to ourselves, to ask ourselves who we really are and what we are like when we are being ourselves, and be our own advisors, then we won't be affected by things our friends say.

When you do this, you may run the risk of your friends not wanting to be with you or talking about you. After all you are a cheerleader, and obviously a popular person. You may sometimes find yourself agreeing with your friends about things even when you really don't. You follow fashions and your friends talk about what's 'in'.

At your age, we all go through this thing of wanting to be like our friends, wanting them to like us. We want to fit in. In order to 'fit in' we sometimes delete things about ourselves that are really important.

You are, first and foremost, Shari, a unique individual human being with wonderful qualities, unlimited potential and a host of skills that you haven't even thought about yet.

And, as you grow older, you will, I hope, begin to realise what's really great about you, just you and begin to do what is right for you by following your dreams.

Go with your heart. I know that in school, age is very important. The older students tend to think they are superior to the younger ones. Of course, they are different, they haven't had some of the experiences we have had, yet. But some of them are bright and intelligent and fun and you could miss out on them because you've been programmed with stories made up by people like us that it's not 'done' to hang out with the younger students.

I was at school with a famous dress designer [she designed Princess Diana's wedding dress]. Liz was in the year below me so I didn't have much to do with her at all, while I was in school. A friend of mine, from outside school, went to art school with Liz. They became friends. I became friends with Liz and attended her wedding. Liz was still the same person, I'd just missed out on her at school I often wonder who else I could have interacted with....and where that would have led..

So you see, someone I'd missed out on because she was younger, became a friend as we got older. People are people - there's good and bad and old and young and black and white and happy and sad.. and these are just part of what makes them who they are. There's loads more. and it's really cool to get to know people of all ages. You learn so much, just by hanging out from time to time. People are your greatest teachers, meet as many as you can while you can!

If this guy seems mature for his age, he may well be. I have a friend who is now 22. I met him when he was 18. He had such a hard time hanging out with friends of his own age, because he was just too intelligent and spiritual for them. He felt more comfortable in the company of older friends, including me, and I'm 49!

If it's fun and harmless and you both want it - you can have it. When you just think to yourself, I'm going to go out and get to know this guy and see how it goes, you can go into it in a relaxed way with curiosity and a sense of adventure.

Maybe it won't work out, maybe it will. Nothing is for sure, we just have to follow the paths that are set out in front of us, choosing wisely and from our hearts, knowing what is good and what is not. You just have to decide! Go with your heart and listen to your body and your head!

Whatever you do in your life just another experience of many, many ships you will sail throughout the oceans of your life. They are all lessons in their way. Sometimes we learn quickly, while sometimes we have to learn the same old lesson over and over. Learn to learn quickly by listening to yourself and asking what you really want and knowing that there's a whole world out there waiting for you to step into the adventure of your life!! Keep dreaming..

love and smiles
peta xx

About the Author

Peta Heskell is the Director of the Flirting Academy which runs classes