Chapter 1

Just as the tides have their rhythms, so does human behavior have its own predictable rhythms. As the child grows older, "good" ages alternate with "bad"; times of equilibrium alternate with times of disequilibrium; and periods when behavior tends to be expansive and outgoing alternate with periods when everything seems to be pulled in.

It should come as no surprise, then, to the mother or father of a rambunctious Two-and-a-half-year-old, that sometime around the age of Three their son or daughter does seem to calm down conspicuously. He says "yes" instead of "no"; "will" instead of "won't." He smiles instead of frowns, laughs instead of cries, gives in comfortably to your requests instead of resisting them.

Around thirty-three months of age, many children go through a stage of reliving their babyhood, of thinking about themselves in terms of their own past. The child may pretend that he is a baby, even going back to the use of baby talk, though some are loath to give up their glorious acquisition of speech. So, a child may say, "I'm a little baby. I can't walk, I have no teeth, I drink from a bottle. But I can talk."

However, by Three, most have caught up with themselves chronologically and are now in a state of equilibrium and of no longer looking back. In fact, by Three, many children seem to be developing a rather good self-concept, seem to have a solid set of feelings about themselves. There is little question that this sense of self is influenced by the way others treat them.

At thirty months the opposition of "I" and "you" was so strong that there seemed to be a chasm between them, with the opposition of "Me do it myself when he really could not, and "You do it" when he actually could do a thing himself. But at Three years of age the chasm seems to be bridged by that delightfully cooperative word "we."

In fact, Three is a highly "we" age. The child likes to say 'let's," as "Let's go for a walk, shall we?" The sense of togetherness or "we-ness" seems to make him depend on the adult and makes him lean on him or her, though he also enjoys the sense of sharing. The very child who has been so independent earlier may now ask his mother: "Help me," "Show me."

But even though the increased maturity of Three allows him sometimes to share or even lean instead of resisting, as earlier, Three is also aware of and proud of his increasing maturity and increasing ability. He frequently asks, after some particular display of prowess, "Could a baby do this?"

Dr. Arnold Gesell has described Three as a "coming of age, a time at which the many strands of previous development converge, and a new self comes into focus." The conflicting extremes of six months ago give way to a high degree of smoothness, integration, and self-control. Emotions are well in hand.

Three seems, for all his relative immaturity, to be rather highly aware of what other people like and do not like. In fact, many seem quite able to tell whether another person is happy or sad, pleased or angry, by watching that person's face.

At any rate, the typical Three-year-old wants to please. He wants to do things "right." "Do it dis way?" he may ask hopefully. He is highly susceptible to praise and favorable comment and also highly responsive to friendly humor.

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© 1980 by Louise Bates Ames.

Tags: Babies and Toddlers, Child Development, Parenting and Families