If you want something give it away. Women often complain that men don't spend enough time on foreplay. One way to encourage him is to do it for him first! When he realizes how much pleasure he gets from your languid and drawn out attentiveness, he will be more encouraged to do the same for you. If you have a healthy relationship, you'll probably get off on giving him pleasure as much as he enjoys receiving it!

If your man wants to indulge in a sexual fantasy, be open. Think of it as a game and have fun acting it out. By indulging his fantasies, there's much more chance he'll want to act out yours. In fact, he's probably desperate to find out what you want so that he can arouse and satisfy you. A true man is not just out for his own satisfaction, but gets turned on by yours. Surrender to your own desires, be open to his , get clear on what you really want and let him know.

If he tries to introduce you to pornography or erotica, before you say 'no', stop and think about it. What can you learn from being open, be curious and be adventurous? You may find out something about your likes and dislikes or you may find something that turns you both on and that will just enrich your sex life. Make it clear what you do and don't like, but not before you try it out or consider about how it can be adapted so that you both enjoy it. And if you don't want to indulge in it, be OK about him doing it. After all you don't both eat the same foods all the time do you?

Last week in the UK I saw a documentary on vibrators and women who use them. The TV show Sex and the City, which airs a 10 pm midweek in the UK, centered an entire episode around a vibrator known as 'the rabbit'. Owning and using a sex toy is no longer a shameful secret, but something more and more ordinary people are doing.

Do you own a sex toy? Do you use it on yourself? Do you play with your sex toys in front of your man? Perhaps there are sex toys out there you've always wanted to get but haven't dared to yet. Maybe you'll find toys you can both play with, or his and her toys. I suggest you and your man spend an evening browsing round a sex shop or on the internet choosing toys together and spend another evening trying them out!!

I sometimes receive mail from women complaining that their boyfriend or husband continues to masturbate despite regular sex sessions. Just because a man likes to masturbate, it's not necessarily a sign that you are not enough. For some men it's just a different form of sexual indulgence [someone once said the best sex he had was with himself!] They can enjoy it in addition to having great sex [I hope] with you.

Be grateful that they are not totally dependent on you and accept that it is just part of being a happy, healthy, sexual human. Be even more grateful that rather than seeking another female when they are not with you they are taking care of themselves!! This applies to you too! Self pleasuring is a wonderful way of surrendering to and celebrating your desires.

When you learn to desire and love sex because it is a wonderfully fulfilling activity, and become more open to pleasuring your man you'll be surprised at how much fun you can have. If you truly let go, of yourself and your man, he'll be back for more.

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About the Author

Peta Heskell is the Director of the Flirting Academy which runs classes More