Men hate it when a woman tries to change them. What it tells them is that they're not okay the way they are. That makes them feel attacked, which makes them put up defenses against those attacks...against you. A defended man cannot love a woman the way she wants. You can help him dismantle those defenses and once again open his heart to loving you. Kara Oh

Child or Companion?

Is your man a child or a companion. Some women don't seem to be able to tell the difference.

A woman I knew gets really stressed and angry when her man leaves the toilet seat up. She says it's one of her pet dislikes. When she hears him coming out of the bathroom, she shouts in a piercing voice 'Seat'. Sometimes, I swear she sounds just like Barbara Woodhouse, the sadistic TV dog trainer!

A woman on one of my flirting courses said that she thought men were like animals. She believed that you had to train them to clean themselves and invest years of training to make a man the way you want him. I asked myself, why did she want him in the first place!

Don't mess with a work of art

Some women seem to think men are blank canvases. Once you get one you proceed to paint whatever you want. Men are not canvasses, they are ready made works of art, as are women, and works of art should be admired and cherished. Sure if they are faded or have been left lying around for ages in a dark cupboard, you maybe be able, with their cooperation, to restore them and clean them up a little to enhance their natural beauty but you shouldn't even dare to think about changing the original picture.

If you can't admire the art you have, take it off the wall or get something else that you do like. Don't try to paint over the original!

Jeff's passion is trail bike riding. When Jessica met him she knew that. The very last thing on earth she thinks about doing is trying to persuade him not to go in order to spend time with her, unless it is very, very important. She has her passions and she knows how important it is to be able to indulge them without someone giving her grief. She knows that, like her, his passion is part of who he is and that it makes him feel good. And when he feels good, well...

She told me, with a smile on her face that when she sees him kitted up to go out, wearing his 'armour', he reminds her of a warrior going off to war! When she thought about him coming back to her, as a victorious warrior it was a big turn on. Don't you agree that when you focus on the deeper benefits and accept him as he is, it is more likely to lead to another kind of passion than having him reluctantly sitting with you, wishing he were somewhere else!

When you set a man free to be himself he will flourish in your company.

Warning: If you try to change and alter him, you could end up with a 'genetically' modified product or a bear sulking in a cage and we all know how dangerous those can be!

About the Author

Peta Heskell is the Director of the Flirting Academy which runs classes More