How to keep a man happy

by Peta Heskell

If you want to know love, don't look to someone else to provide it for you. If you think the only way you can find love is from someone else, you will cling to them and fear losing them. If they are healthy, they will feel the burden and withdraw. If they are co-dependent they will cling to you and reaffirm the myth that the only place you can find love is with each other.

When you realise that you have all the love you need to feel good right there inside of you then you can begin to share that love with others freely in a way that does not feed but enhances their love for themselves.

When you give away what you think you need, you will be surprised at how it flows back to you in many ways..

Man hater or man lover?

In Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, John Gray used the metaphor of people from two diverse planets to explain the differences between men and women. When we encounter an alien spaceship, we can choose to shoot it down and fight or we can choose to welcome it in and learn about and be stimulated by our encounter with different life forms. Weak people shoot, strong people embrace.

Men and women act and think differently. We have the choice to be irritated by and criticize the differences. What would happen if instead we learn celebrate and enjoy those differences?

This is not about self-sacrifice or self-denial, it is about being flexible enough to sway in the wind because you know you are rooted and grounded. If you spend your time criticising your man, wishing he were different, you are using your energies negatively. This makes you feel bad. If you want to feel good, start believing everyone has something special and unique and focus on finding and enjoying the positive side of your man's maleness.

We were put on this earth to be who we are. If you are a heterosexual female, part of being who you are is having the ability to truly love a man, not in spite of, but because of their maleness.

Men are wonderful creatures as are we. I admire and respect, love, lust after and enjoy the wonders of men. When you focus on the wonder rather than the differences, and when you celebrate the differences and turn them to wonder, you will begin to relate to your man.

Life is not a battlefield and love is not a game or a war. Life is not a game of hunt the missing piece. Life is a beach where we can learn to bask in the sun and enjoy each other. If as you read, you are thinking, why should I be making all the moves I ask you to think about what it can be like to be secure enough in who you are to make the first move to creating more wonder, or healing the rifts, between your man and yourself. Give what you expect to receive yourself.

About the Author

Peta Heskell is the Director of the Flirting Academy which runs classes