Can I adopt a child who looks like me?

No matter what your ethnicity, you can find a "matching" child. If you are a really exotic mix, it may take longer, and some groups (Native Americans, for example) have specific processes. But there are adoptable children of every background.

Adoption 101

The best way to understand the adoption process is to focus first on the children available:

• American newborns: Babies born in the United States to mothers who have arranged to place them directly for adoption. Most can go home with their new parents within days of their birth.

• Foster children: Children who are in the care of a state agency because their birth parents cannot care for them. More than half of U.S. adoptions in any given year come from this group, and this is generally the most affordable route to adoption.

• International orphans: Children who are eligible for "orphan visas" through adoption by U.S. parents because their parents have died or cannot provide care.

After you think about the child who's right for your family, you can choose the right partner:

• Private attorney
• Adoption agency

Different agencies and attorneys specialize in different kinds of adoption, so you need to think about what kind of child - what age, what race - is right for you before you make any commitment to an agency or attorney. You may also end up using a combination of partners, or you may choose to work independently.

TRIED and TRUE: While you think about the family you want to create, keep notes of your thoughts. If an attorney or agency suggests going in a different direction, our adoptive families say you should look back at your notes and remind yourself why you made the original decision.

Will they want to find their birth parents?

These days, more and more adoptive families meet and communicate with their child's birth family (this is called "open" adoption), so the search question doesn't arise. Our experience is that about half the children from old-fashioned "closed" adoptions eventually choose to search, often when they are old enough to begin thinking about having children of their own. The vast majority of those who succeed in finding their birth parents report that it made no difference to their relationship with their adoptive parents.

Tech support: Laws on confidentiality in adoption are in constant flux. To learn about the situation in each of the fifty states, go to: adoptivefamilies.com/statelaws.

Can I love a child of another race?

Would-be parents are sometimes embarrassed to ask this question. Don't be. Society assumes that parents and children will look alike. If you are going to build a family that's different from the norm, you will draw extra attention, and you will need extra support, so you need to think about how it will affect your life.

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Copyright © 2009 by Susan Caughman.

Tags: Adoption

About the Author

Susan Caughman, the publisher and editor-in-chief of Adoptive Families magazine, is the expert the media turns to when they have an adoption-related story. She has appeared on Fox News and NPR, and in People, The Wall Street Journal, and The Boston Globe. More

Isolde Motley is the former corporate editor of Time Inc., where she was responsible for the editorial content of its women's magazines. More