You Can Start a Revolution in Your Family . . . Tonight

ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It's about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids' behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we "lost it" with our kids, the "it" in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.

It's time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you've always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight.

• Parenting is not about kids, it's about parents.
• If you're not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
• What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.

Easier said than done? Not anymore, thanks to ScreamFree Parenting, the principle-based approach that's inspiring parents everywhere to truly revolutionize their family dynamics. Moving beyond the child-centered, technique-based approaches that ultimately fail, the ScreamFree way compels you to:

• focus on yourself
• calm yourself down, and
• grow yourself up

By staying calm and connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of your highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process.

Chapter 1

Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach. - Arnold H. Glasgow, Psychologist

In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul. - Lisa T. Shepherd, parent

Eveny kid wants to have "cool" parents. No, this does not mean kids want parents who try to be hip to the latest styles (that makes you decidedly uncool). And contrary to some popular teaching, being a cool parent does not mean being so permissive that you let your kids do whatever they want. What every kid wants are parents who can keep their cool, even when things get hot. Especially when things get hot. Kids want parents who are far less anxious and far more levelheaded than they are. Your kids want you to remain unflappable, even when they flip out.

As it turns out, that's exactly what they need.

Parents everywhere are facing the toughest challenge of their lives: trying to create a loving family environment filled with mutual respect and cooperation. And they're trying to do this in a culture that celebrates irresponsibility and self-indulgence. It's no wonder parents feel more anxious than ever before. They feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. And I believe they all want help.

I believe parents are searching for someone to present an inspiring vision of how it all could be different.

Parents are searching for someone to present an inspiring vision of how it all could be different. We have heard all sorts of packaged programs delivering fail-proof techniques to raise perfect children. We've heard about the countless failures of the past two generations while at the same time hearing of the urgent need to return to the good ol' days. And most of all, we have been bombarded with the call to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our kids, focus all of our attention on what our kids need, and learn to always be there for them.

We've heard all of this and more, and it's not helping. This call for total self-sacrifice is actually hurting, leaving parents feeling more overwhelmed, more frustrated, and less capable.

So, what's wrong? Or better yet, what's the right direction out of this mess? A few years ago, a brilliant family therapist and rabbi named Edwin Friedman asked a critical question: When's the last time you saw a parenting book telling parents to focus less on their children?

Well, this may be the first one you've ever seen. Scream-Free Parenting may be the first book you've read that tells all parents to stop orbiting their lives around their children and return the focus to themselves.

So is that the problem, that we're too focused on our kids? Absolutely. In a rash reaction to the children-should-be-seen-and-not-heard formula that many of our parents grew up with, we have gone to another extreme, the our-lives-revolve-around-our-children formula, just look at us chauffeuring our kids from school, to practice, to yet another practice in a minivan with stickers plastered all over it. And whose name is on these stickers? Whose name is emblazoned on this minivan that we paid for? Whether it be an honor student badge or a soccer ball, our kids' names tell the whole world who really owns the vehicle. And our lives. And it's not good for them or us.

ScreamFree Parenting provides a way out of this mess, a way to restore both parent and child to their rightful places in the home.

Copyright © 2007 by Hal Edward Runkel.

Tags: Parenting and Families, Child Discipline

About the Author

Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, and international speaker. He is founder and president of ScreamFree Living, Inc. - dedicated to calming the world one relationship at a time. Hal's principles have already helped thousands of families revolutionize their relationships. He lives with his wife, Jenny, and their two children just outside Atlanta, Georgia.