Five years after its first publication, with more than 150,000 copies in print, Final Gifts has become a classic. In this moving and compassionate book, hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley share their intimate experiences with patients at the end of life, drawn from more than twenty years experience tending the terminally ill.

Through their stories we come to appreciate the near-miraculous ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, and even choreograph their own final moments; we also discover the gifts - of wisdom, faith, and love - that the dying leave for the living to share.

Filled with practical advice on responding to the requests of the dying and helping them prepare emotionally and spiritually for death, Final Gifts shows how we can help the dying person live fully to the very end.

Chapter 1

LAURA

Joe paced anxiously - back and forth - at the foot of Laura's bed. There was an odd stillness in the room. He edged around the nurse's aid and the corner of the dresser so he could sit by his wife's side on the bed. Deeply concerned, he picked up her hand and began rubbing it.

"Laura, are you all right?" he asked. "Talk to me!"

She smiled dreamily and nodded, but said nothing. This upset Joe.

"Laura, it's me," he said. "Say something! I'm worried about you!"

"Joe, I'm okay," she whispered.

Joe looked to the nurse's aide, who responded with a look of uncertainty.

"Sweetheart, do you hurt?" he asked. "Do you need anything? Is something wrong? Darling, please tell me what it is?"

Laura smiled again, closed her eyes, and shook her head. Joe signaled for the aide to join him in the hall.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "She was fine this morning. A little weak, maybe, but fine. We had a cup of tea together."

The aide patted Joe's shoulder. "She just got this way. I don't know what's wrong. She's taken her medicines on schedule and she ate a little breakfast. Does she seem a bit confused to you?"

"It's had to tell," Joe said. "She's not talking much. She seems real strange. We'd better call the nurse. I know something's wrong! Joe nervously reached for the phone.

SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT may be very ill, perhaps dying. There's so much to do - tests, hospitalizations, visits to doctors' offices. Sometimes there are two or three physicians to deal with - a surgeon, oncologist, radiologist, other specialists.

The medicine chest is jammed with partially used medicines - some bottles nearly full, others almost empty - as new and different ones are tried. Medical equipment seems to occupy every corner of the house. All the furniture has been rearranged, whether to allow a wheelchair to pass or to permit a fast trip to the bathroom.

Coping with terminal illness is more than hard work - it's all-consuming and creeps into every corner of your life. There are so many people to talk to, so many questions to ask, so much to do. The hopes and triumphs of new or different treatments can change quickly into fears and failures. It's an exhausting, emotional roller-coaster ride. It's like having an unwanted and uninvited stranger in your midst, who seems to take up more and more space.

A terminal illness doesn't belong only to the one who is sick - it affects family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers. Not unlike a still pond disturbed by a falling stone, an impending death sends ripples through all the relationships in the life of the dying. Each person involved has his or her own set of issues, fears, and questions.

Copyright © 1997 by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley.

Tags: Death and Dying, Grief Loss and Bereavement

About the Author

Maggie Callanan, R.N., has specialized in the care of the dying since 1981. She lectures widely to lay and professional audiences on death and dying, bereavement, and hospice care. Maggie is the author of Final Journeys and co-author of Final Gifts. She lives on the New England coast.

About the Author

Patricia Kelley has worked in hospice care since 1978. She formerly held positions as Clinical Director of Montgomery Hospice in Maryland and as Director of Health Systems Leadership at the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. She now works as a national and international consultant providing education and training on issues relating to hospice and palliative care. Patricia is also the author of Companion to Grief: Finding Consolation When Someone You Love Has Died.