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My client Corliss, a vibrant and youthful forty-six-year-old sister who wears attractive baby dreadlocks, is blessed with an annual income of $57,000 and had $8,000 in debt. Her income puts her in the top 2 percent of African American women earners, and her debt burden isn't outrageously high. Still, Corliss shifted uncomfortably in her chair all through our first session. Other than a small 401K retirement savings plan, she had no significant assets. She was renting her apartment, leasing her car, and although she considered herself a homebody and no big-time spender, her paycheck barely covered her total expenses. She didn't know where her money was going and was afraid she wouldn't have enough to live on after retirement.

While she presented a confident image to the world, she admitted, "I'm very embarrassed by my financial situation. I'm forty-six years old, but I feel like a little child. Up until now I've never been willing to face my finances because it felt so uncomfortable. I just figure if I look good, everybody will think I'm okay. I've got tons of clothes, and it feels really good to shop. But usually by the time I get home I feel terrible and get an awful headache. It's a vicious cycle and I'm stuck in it. What's wrong with me?"

If you, like Corliss and Felicia, haven't yet been able to set a sound course for growth, don't worry - this book gives you the tools you need to identify destructive money patterns and take charge of your home economics. I know that you can do it - because I did. More than a dozen years ago I was burned-out by a high-powered banking career and by a marriage that wasn't working. My finances, too, were running out of control. As I worked to get my life back on track, I came to understand how not feeling worthy and not loving yourself can create patterns of money misuse, leaving us prone to compulsive spending to salve our insecurities. I believe that understanding these potential connections not only promotes health and healing for people suffering from acute financial problems, it can also be a source of valuable insight - an instructive preventive measure even - for many who never fall prey to serious binge spending and the like. We can learn how to avoid sabotaging our own financial security and use the same insights to increase our options for building wealth - whether or not we ourselves are actually secret spendthrifts. I share my own story as a case in point.

My Financial Roots

I am proud to be from Detroit - the Motor City. That's where I was born and where my parents raised their family of six children from 1945 through 1980, always working hard to make ends meet and to educate us for the greater opportunities they expected we would have. The fourth in line, I was a teenager in the 1960s, when the Motown sound dominated radio airwaves and emanated from every Friday- or Saturday-night house party in those days of "blue lights in the basement." It was a magical time. The auto industry was booming, and many folks we knew who worked for the car factories drove shiny new Pontiac Bonnevilles, Buick Electra 225s, and even the ever-popular Cadillac Eldorado. Meanwhile, Berry Gordy, former auto-worker-turned-impresario, built his Motown label by tapping into talented local singers and musicians seasoned in our churches, community centers, and record hops. My homegirls and I would change up weekly on the girl groups we imitated - The Marvelettes, Martha and the Vandellas, the Supremes. Then there were guy groups we swooned over - Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, the Four Tops, and, of course, the "Tempting" Temptations.

I grew up thinking our family was pretty much average and middle class. I knew we weren't poor, because I saw families in my southwest Detroit neighborhood who had much less than we did. We owned our home, always had plenty to eat, dressed pretty well, periodically went south on vacation to visit relatives, and even bought a new car every few years. I also knew there were other kids who had much more than we had - more clothes, larger homes, better cars, and vacations in places I hadn't heard of.

But I had no concept of real wealth and was well into adulthood before I realized that my family was not middle class. At best, we were a striving blue-collar family, and my hardworking parents struggled to give their children what middle-class comforts and security we had - Dad by holding several jobs and Mom by vigilant household management to stretch the money as far as she could.

I can't remember a time when my dad didn't work at least two jobs to support us all. He had a full-time job as a steelworker in a local plant. It was tough and dirty work: The hot air at the plant was filled with soot, and Dad put in eight-, twelve-, and sometimes sixteen-hour shifts. But while putting in thirty-six years at the steel mill, he also held down part-time jobs as a custodian, working ten years at one position and twenty-two years at another.

Mom toiled long hours too, keeping our home spotless, preparing meals, and managing her brood. She also did occasional domestic work in the homes of middle-class white folks and later earned a few extra dollars as a lunchroom attendant at the neighborhood elementary school. But because she was so busy running our large household, she was largely dependent upon my father for financial support.

My parents shared a strong work ethic, and I know they struggled to meet their obligations, but they always had good credit. My dad told me recently that creating excessive debt was never an issue for him because he knew "it was not hard to get credit, just hard to pay it back." Ironically I didn't grasp the substance of that message until I was in my mid-thirties.

I feel incredibly grateful when I think of what my parents endured over the years to provide the best they could for their family. It took extraordinary courage and sacrifice, and the effort left them little time or energy for emotional nurturing or close attention to building their children's self-esteem. I don't particularly remember their saying "I love you" or "I'm proud of you," but I know my folks nurtured me the best they could.

Copyright © 2002 by Glinda Bridgforth

Tags: Personal Finance

About the Author

is founder of Bridgforth Financial Management Group, a company that emphasizes holistic coaching. In 2006, Glinda appeared on Oprah in a five-part series called "America's Debt Diet." The author of the bestsellers Girl, Get Your Money Straight! and Girl, Make Your Money Grow!, she writes articles for Essence and is featured regularly on television and radio programs nationwide. She lives with her husband in Detroit.