Believe in Yourself : Part 5

Winning Nice: How to Succeed in Business and Life Without Waging War
By Dawna Stone, Matt Dieter

(Page 5 of 6)

Ask Dawna

Q: My boss is unsupportive, overly critical, and never seems to recognize my contributions. If I look for another job, I'm afraid he won't give me a recommendation. What can I do? I can't afford to be unemployed.

A: Just because you are going to look for another job doesn't mean you have to become unemployed. In fact, you should always keep your current job when looking for another job. Not having a job is more of a red flag than not having a glowing recommendation from your current boss. Plus, you will still have the security and paycheck of your current job. I believe you should be happy in your work. You have a few options. You can confront your boss and let him know that his comments are hurtful and that you would like to know how you can improve your performance. The important part here is that you let him know that you want to improve and be considered the hardworking contributor you know you can be. If you show your willingness to take constructive criticism and use that information to improve your performance and your boss's negative behavior continues, you should look for a better situation. That doesn't mean you need to quit your current job.

Also, think about who else can give you a recommendation, such as a colleague or professional contact outside the company with whom you have a good relationship. Most companies won't think twice if you don't have a recommendation from your current boss. In fact, you can tell them that your job search is confidential and that your supervisors may be upset if they knew you were looking to leave. Given this, they should not contact anyone from your current company. If this is your first job and you don't have any other professional recommendations available, think about other sources - a college professor, your track coach, or people you babysat for throughout high school. The point is, there are likely many people who will sing your praises if you give them the opportunity.

Find The Silver Lining

A lot of staying positive is a result of how you look at things. And looking at challenges with optimism and hopefulness (remember the adage "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade") leaves you in a more confident state.

A few years ago my husband, Matt, and I relocated from California to Florida. It was, of course, a big decision to uproot our lives and move from one coast to the other. Three months after we both had settled into new jobs and a new life, Matt's boss explained that the company was in financial trouble and "offered" Matt a 50-percent salary reduction.

At first Matt was upset. How could his new boss have misled him when he accepted the job just three months earlier? He wondered how our expenses would be met with a salary cut in half and what the change would do to our savings, our lifestyle, and our plans to someday start our own business. But then it occurred to Matt to rethink the situation from a different perspective.

"I can work for 50 percent with no chance of a bonus or a raise in the foreseeable future," he reasoned. "Or, I can work for myself for a few months for free, but with a huge opportunity to earn more than I am making now."

Matt did some research and decided he wanted to form a media company specializing in corporate identities, web development, and streaming media. He found a business partner, took a deep breath, and jumped in. After just a few short years Matt's company, Blue Reef Creative, was named outstanding business of the year in St. Petersburg and won a host of local, regional, and national creative awards.

Remember that change is an opportunity. While it's often uncomfortable when it occurs, a simple shift in attitude and perspective can quickly open the doors to success.

The next time you're faced with what at first seems like an unwelcome change, take a moment to look for new opportunities the change presents. The change doesn't have to be as monumental as starting your own company, but it never hurts to dream big.

From the time I was twelve, I wanted to compete in the Hawaii Ironman triathlon. My childhood swim coach was an Ironman athlete, and I viewed the 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride, and 26.2-mile run as the ultimate challenge. I finally got my chance in 1999. I prepared for months, going to extremes to pack in my training around a hectic schedule as a management consultant with long hours and frequent travel. I broke away at lunch for runs and endured questioning looks as I lugged my bike through hotel lobbies in my business suit, just to fit in a forty-five-minute ride on an indoor wind trainer every morning. Finally, the event was just a week away. On a stopover to the Big Island of Hawaii, I ate an undercooked chicken sandwich. I'll spare you the details, but that evening will go down as one of the most unpleasant of my life. Matt took me to the emergency room the following morning, where I was diagnosed with salmonella poisoning and was partially rehydrated with five bags of IV solution. The doctors strongly encouraged me to not compete in the race, which was just five days away. Unable to eat anything and barely able to keep down water, I finally had some rice and Gatorade the evening before the race.

Despite this I was committed to racing. Achieving my original goal of a twelve-hour Ironman was not a possibility, but I knew I could finish.

Having been sick made the race itself probably one of the most miserable and painful experiences I've ever had. It wasn't until days later (yes, I finished) that I was able to reflect on the experience and truly appreciate how much I grew as a person that day. In the end I learned more about myself while suffering through the race than I would have if I had met my original time goal. Every situation - no matter how rough or painful - can be an opportunity to learn and grow.

Ask Dawna

Q: I've always wanted to start my own business. What's the best way to go about it?

A: Both my husband and I have started our own businesses, so I know from experience that it's not an easy process. But I think we would both say it's definitely worth all the hard work.

Copyright © 2007 by Dawna Stone and Matt Dieter

About the Author

Dawna Stone is a highly successful entreprenuer who has a wealth of corporate experience as an investment banker, management consultant, company president, and senior executive at a publicly traded company. Her business skills as well as her calm, professional demeanor enabled her to win THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWART. Dawna is an inspiration to thousands of women through her magazine, HER SPORTS + FITNESS, and her motivational talks. Still an avid athlete, Dawna regularly competes in sprint and Olympic distance triathlons and has finished the grueling Hawaii Ironman World Championship. She lives in St. Petersburg, Florida where she continues to live her dreams with husband Matt and two dogs Buffett and Valkyrie.