Believe in Yourself : Part 4

Winning Nice: How to Succeed in Business and Life Without Waging War
By Dawna Stone, Matt Dieter

(Page 4 of 6)

Overcome Your Doubts

Her father's death and husband's suicide propelled Katharine Graham from being a housewife into the highly visible role of publisher of the Washington Post. She wrote a friend, "I am quaking in my boots a little," at the thought of all she was expected to pull off. But she threw herself into her work, learning as she went. She asked questions and created strong relationships both within her company and outside it. She evolved into one of Washington, D.C.'s most respected power brokers and made a name for herself outside the beltway. Under her leadership the Washington Post exposed one of the biggest stories in presidential history, leading the way to the resignation of Richard M. Nixon.

No matter how much you believe in yourself, there will be times when you experience doubt. How you handle that doubt and overcome it is what's important.

By any measure Oprah Winfrey is a success. She is a self-made billionaire and one of the most recognized women in the world. She was recently quoted as saying, "I believe in my possibilities, and I feel I can do it all." Yet Oprah herself admits that she wasn't always so confident. It took her time to really start believing in herself. In an interview with NBC News correspondent Ann Curry, Oprah talked about the event that she believes launched her onto her path to success.

In the early 1980s Oprah, then a Baltimore talk show host, read Alice Walker's The Color Purple. Having been sexually abused as a child, Oprah felt a strong bond with Celie, the main character, who was also abused. Oprah took to passing out copies of the book to friends and even complete strangers. According to Oprah this was a turning point in her life, for she was finally able to face her past abuse. Later, when the book was being made into a movie, Oprah was determined to get on the set.

She convinced herself the reason she was not being cast was because she was overweight and that the producers had hated her. Desperate, she enrolled at a "fat farm" to lose fifty pounds. One day, trudging around a track in the rain, she prayed, "God . . . please help me to let it go so that I can move on with my life." Shortly afterward she received a call from Steven Spielberg, the director. According to Oprah, Spielberg said, "I hear you are at a fat farm. If you lose a pound, you will possibly lose this part. I'd like to see you in my office tomorrow." Oprah packed her bags, stopped by a Dairy Queen in an attempt to gain back some weight, and was soon busy working on the set of The Color Purple.

Oprah Winfrey's story shows that even the people we view as successful and full of confidence have moments of doubt. Self-doubt is a basic component of human nature. The trick is to keep your doubts from limiting what you're capable of doing. The former secretary of state and presidential advisor Henry Kissinger, in commenting on what he learned working with a variety of U.S. presidents, said, "Presidents don't do great things by dwelling on their limitations, but by focusing on their possibilities." Make an effort to focus on your strengths. The next time you feel self-doubt limiting your behavior or success, employ the following steps to get back on track:

• Recognize your fears.
• Eliminate negative self-talk.
• Get out of your comfort zone.
• Take small steps.
• Focus on the positive.
• Write a list of reasons you're able to succeed.
• Surround yourself with others who believe in you.

Eliminate The Negative Whenever Possible

It sounds simple, but one of the best ways to stay positive is to eliminate the negativity around you. I have a good friend who constantly is put down by one of her close friends. She's always being told she's not good enough, talented enough, etc. I keep urging my friend to take herself out of the situation. My friend has many supportive people in her life, a great career, and a beautiful family, and is a nationally ranked amateur athlete. Yet this one negative friend always seems to bring her down and make her forget how wonderful she really is.

If you're in a situation like this, I urge you to try to change it or get out. You deserve to be surrounded by friends, family members, and coworkers who support you. Deepak Chopra, in his book Creating Affluence, says, "Saying no to negativity also means not being around negative people. Negative people deplete your energy. Surround yourself with love and nourishment and do not allow the creation of negativity in your environment."

After winning The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, I was given an amazing opportunity to work with an incredible life coach, Cheryl Richardson. Cheryl believes, "When you focus on removing those things that drain your energy, or the things that are not aligned with your priorities, you create emotional, physical, and spiritual space in your life. And when you start to experience this space, your body, mind, and soul naturally move toward balance. This means we actually begin to draw toward us more positive experiences, better opportunities, and greater peace."

Following Cheryl's advice, I immediately noticed a positive change in how I handled certain situations and people in my life. Simply identifying the negative influences in my life was the first step in minimizing their detrimental impact. If you need to eliminate some negative influences in your life, try some of these things:

• Minimize the time you spend with negative people.
• Replace the negative influences with positive influences.
• Confront the negative people in your life, and see if that leads to an improvement in their behavior.
• If you can't entirely eliminate the person from your life, try to decrease the amount of time you spend with him or her.
• Don't accept or dwell on unwarranted criticism.

Copyright © 2007 by Dawna Stone and Matt Dieter

About the Author

Dawna Stone is a highly successful entreprenuer who has a wealth of corporate experience as an investment banker, management consultant, company president, and senior executive at a publicly traded company. Her business skills as well as her calm, professional demeanor enabled her to win THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWART. Dawna is an inspiration to thousands of women through her magazine, HER SPORTS + FITNESS, and her motivational talks. Still an avid athlete, Dawna regularly competes in sprint and Olympic distance triathlons and has finished the grueling Hawaii Ironman World Championship. She lives in St. Petersburg, Florida where she continues to live her dreams with husband Matt and two dogs Buffett and Valkyrie.