Women and Friendship : The Circle of Decades

Every Woman Has a Story: Many Voices, Many Lessons, Many Lives
by Daryl Ott Underhill

Imagine yourself in a room surrounded by women from all walks of life. Women so dissimilar to the eye that one might wonder what could possibly have brought them together. Then, as each woman begins to speak, the differences fade and the common thread that runs through them begins to emerge. Clearly, they all belong to the same sisterhood, and their differences pale in comparison to the shared experiences that bind them together. Welcome to... Every Woman Has A Story

A thoughtful compilation of personal essays from dozens of everyday women, this inspiring and empowering book will make you feel as though you've made a host of new friends-women of all ages who, amid tears and laughter, honestly reveal their feelings and tell you of the truest and most important moments in their lives.

From turning thirty to realizing you're metamorphosing into your mother...from deciding to have a child to deciding to begin a new career...from joyfully watching children grow to the bittersweet letting go when they leave the nest...from overcoming tragedy to being overcome by the simple wonders of daily living...you'll find yourself in these pages.

Have you ever felt like jotting down your thoughts or feelings about something that was insightful and momentous to you? How do other women feel about love, friendship, independence, and the many issues that they face today? Now you have your answer. The rites of passage that every woman must face in order to grow and be strong are shared by us all. It is indeed comforting to know that Every Woman Has A Story.

When Daryl Ott Underhill put out a call to women everywhere for their personal stories, she received hundreds of wonderful replies. Now in Every Woman Has A Story she offers you the honest and deeply felt thoughts of dozens of women, young and old, as they travel through life's many passages.

I do not know if I will ever have that great relationship with a man. But I'm learning that all relationships are worth working on if they are worth having. I am blessed to have some wonderful friends who have helped me through some pretty rough times.

I am on the road back to me. And I am not afraid.

When we go walking, we do not walk briskly and get exercise. We walk slowly and stop to admire a spiderweb or a squirrel.

Yes, my children slow me down. They make me pay attention, and remind me it is the pauses between the busy notes of life that make the music so beautiful.

Chapter 1

Cay Randall-May, PhD.

Circles fascinate me. Our lives are full of them, from a baby's teething ring to the rims of granny's reading glasses. The circles that have changed me most were formed by people holding hands. The "circle of decades" at my friend Carol's croning ceremony will always be in my memory, like a safety ring tied to the side of a boat. In case of near drowning, I'll toss it out and use it to stay afloat until the storm subsides.

It began as a gathering of women in the rosy amber twilight of a spring evening in Tucson. We were friends whose lives were about to intertwine in a strong braid of shared experience. Our leader asked us to sum up the memories of each decade of our lives. "What was it like to be in your twenties?" I was glad I wasn't the first to speak, because it took a moment for me to reconnect with that intense, fiery, burn-the-candle-at-three-ends woman/child of the 1960s who I had been. Sensuous and fanatically serious, I was mesmerized with dreams of impossible achievement. Memories of graduate school in Berkeley crashed like breakers on my heart as I could almost hear the distant refrain of "We shall overcome . . ." It was certainly interesting to have been in my twenties in that era, but I could also remember the skimp of the miniskirt and the size-five jeans that I slithered into like a snake shedding its skin in reverse. I felt relief when those of us no longer in our twenties were asked to take a step forward, tightening the circle.

"Now, share what it was like to be in your thirties," our leader prompted. My eyes closed. Sounds of birth cries, the primal embrace of a totally trusting swaddled infant, the smell of baby powder and diapers overwhelmed me. I had discovered the most difficult and rewarding job of all, motherhood, at the age of thirty. My thirties were a time of changed priorities, deflated party balloons, struggle with budgets, and plain hard work. Would I willingly return to that time of snowsuits and runny noses, putting the Christmas tree in the playpen to keep it from the toddlers? I don't think so, but I didn't want to step forward, either.

Because the next step was the forties, and those who had experienced this decade sighed with me. How could ten short years have held such highs and lows? I wished the twilight were a little deeper so no one could see the tears creeping down my cheeks, but other faces were also glistening. My story of ending a nineteen-year marriage and remarrying a man more attuned to my heart was not unique. Many others had found the forties to be a decade of major endings and beginnings. My hard-won career as a biologist, desperately precious to me at one time, had changed into a more spiritual and philosophical path. This decade, which began in gut-stabbing sorrow, ended in joy.

Another inward step, this time not so tentative, brought us to the fifties. Eyes began to sparkle again and I heard the giggles of those relieved to have once more survived their forties. We who were privileged to stand in the fifties decade shared newly explored interests, old talents polished like jewels, and we were finding our true path and power. As each woman shared her joyful enthusiasm for inner growth, I began to wonder what the next step would bring. What would women in their sixties share? Could that decade possibly be as good as the fifties, or was it the downward side of the mountain, as I had always been led to expect. I held back as the circle squeezed closer.

One by one, the members of the inner circle shared stories of personal freedom, new loves, the joys of grandchildren, travel and adventures, punctuated with smiles and glowing glances. All this enthusiasm caught my attention like a snow cone on a June afternoon. There was something worth knowing here. The women in this circle of decades were becoming more profoundly happy as they matured. A sliver of doubt wedged in my mind that maybe it was just something about the sixties decade that was so rewarding. Surely, the seventies would be different. My doubts didn't last long.

Our leader proudly stepped forward, the only representative of the seventies, to become the heart of our circle. We raised her in our hearts like team members parading a triumphant star athlete. Her vigorous, wise-woman leadership spoke decibels louder than any words she could say. What I experienced that afternoon in the "circle of decades" helped me edit my life's script so that I look forward to the challenges and transitions ahead.

The ancient ceremony of croning was conducted when a woman stopped menstruating. It was an initiation into a "wise women's club," enabling the women to hold positions of power. Cay's story was based on a croning ceremony she attended. "It was a unique opportunity for us to review our lives. This moment of honest sharing gave me the priceless gift of a new vision, a hopeful pattern for aging." Cay is a professional intuitive consultant, she lectures on various topics related to creativity and intuitive development, and she teaches a course entitled "Intuitive Heart Discovery Process."

© 1999 by Daryl Ott Underhill

About the Author

Daryl is originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, and from a very early age found people and their stories intriguing. Facing her life each day with the motto that your "attitude is everthing" she wanted to find a way to share this with others, and this is the heart and soul of the book. Her brothers believe it is her tenacity and search for answers that makes her successful and led her to creating the Every Woman projects. Lori, her sister, will tell you Daryl has a unique talent to get people to talk, she asks the right questions, and then she really listens.