Dabblers or Disciples? : Part 1

Intimate Faith: A Woman's Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines
by Jan Winebrenner

You may have walked in faith throughout your life, been a committed churchgoer, and practiced the five basic spiritual disciplines of study, prayer, worship, fellowship, and service. And yet... somehow... you feel something is missing. You want to feel closer to God...

A woman of faith and a popular speaker at Christian events, Jan Winebrenner now invites you to break through the barriers that can separate you from God's presence in your life. Exploring seventeen often forgotten disciplines, including humility, meditation, and celebration, Jan introduces you to practices that are neither hard work nor items for your "to do" list. They simply ask you to rely on His love.

Open your heart and:

• Find contentment by freeing yourself from everyone else's expectations and the constant fear of being judged by your peers
• Discover peace of mind and let God provide - even amid the day-to-day turmoil of earning a living in an insecure world
• Grow as you experience God's love in moments of private, secret communion with Him
• Renew your attitude toward your work, family, and life through personal "time-off" communions with God.

Chapter 1

When I was a little girl, my dearest dream was to own a horse. When my family moved to the Navajo Indian reservation just as I was starting high school, my dad tried to soften the trauma of uprooting me from my friends with this almost promise: "Maybe I'll buy you a horse." He bought me a motorcycle - a tiny Honda Trail 90. It drank cheap gas and could live by the back door; it didn't need shoes, vet calls, or a trailer for hauling.

I had many great adventures on that Honda, riding over sheep trails and through ravines and canyons that hid secret pools and mysterious rock formations. But my heart was set on owning a horse. Always I pretended I was on horseback, and I never gave up my dream.

The day my husband, Ken, bought me a horse has to be one of my all-time-best days.

I had been taking riding lessons on a chestnut mare named Tess at a little stable in South Carolina. The trainer had mentioned that Tess was for sale, but I never allowed myself to think about buying her. How could we afford her, along with stable costs (we lived in town), farrier and vet bills, not to mention saddles, bits, bridles, and all the rest of the tack I borrowed each time I rode? But every day I fell more in love with this beautiful mare. I learned the basics of caring for her as well as how to walk, trot, and canter, and I pretended she was mine.

Then one afternoon, Ken came home from work and said, "Come take a drive with me."

When we arrived at the barn I asked, "What's up?"

"We're buying a horse today," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward Tess's stall.

I couldn't breathe. And then I couldn't see through a blur of tears. I stumbled into Tess's stall, threw my arms around her neck, and sobbed. Ken stood in the doorway grinning, waiting for me to finally erupt with the laughter of pure joy.

Later that night, I fell asleep with fantasies of the equestrian life galloping through my dreams. I imagined myself riding through fields, jumping Tess over colorful fences, cantering through forests to the accompaniment of baying hounds and squeaking leather.

I never imagined what it would take to make those dreams come true.

Life is often like that, isn't it? We harbor our dreams, sometimes for years, savoring them, but seldom do we really understand what it will take to make them a reality.

When Ken gave me the gift of a horse, I had no idea what I would have to do to become the kind of rider I dreamed of being. I didn't know how much I would have to learn to become proficient enough to ride my horse over a three-foot obstacle, land safely, turn and canter toward the next fence, and complete an entire course. All of this, of course, without taking a fence out of order, pulling a rail, or worse, breaking my neck.

As weeks of riding passed and lessons piled upon lessons, reality hit me in the chest like a flailing hoof. This riding thing, the whole equestrian thing, the way I wanted to do it, was a full-time endeavor. It was not something I was going to be able just to "pick up."

I noticed that the good riders at the stable where I rode took lessons all the time. They signed up for clinics with world-class trainers. They arrived at the barn early every morning, worked their horses, then studied videos and watched other classes to learn more. They attended horse shows where they competed and others where they just observed. They read books about riding; they studied their horse's "way of going" - I didn't know a horse had a "way of going."

I never became the rider I wanted to be. Over time, the demands of family and the limits of budget loomed as more indomitable obstacles than the colorful fences and log jumps that stood in the hunt field. But as I walked away, I took with me some of the most valuable lessons I would ever learn.

The equestrian life I dabbled in for a few years became for me a metaphor of my Christian life.

The Big Five

For many years, I thought that an active, Bible-informed Christian life consisted of the practice of certain daily habits. Every discipleship class I ever attended emphasized the same ones - always five; always the same five: study, prayer, worship, fellowship, and service.

I didn't confuse the discipleship experience with the salvation experience - I knew the Bible well enough to comprehend the difference. I understood that Jesus? death paid the debt of my sin that I could never pay. I knew it was his overwhelming act of grace and mercy that secured my place in heaven and made me a child of God through faith. But discipleship often confused me.

Copyright © 2003 by Jan Winebrenner

About the Author

Jan Winebrenner is the founder of the Dallas Christian Writers Guild and co-founder of the Writers Roundtable Conferences. She is a frequent speaker and workshop leader for writer's groups and college and university writing classes. Mentoring and encouraging other writers is one of her passions, as is studying classic Christian literature.