Babies - Caretakers and Governesses : Part 2

The Mother and Her Child
by William S. Sadler, M.D., Lena K. Sadler, M.D.

(Page 37 of 41)

The woman who has graduated from high school, who has a diploma to teach, I would have take a school or, at least, do substitute work. She will be happier - far happier - continuing along the lines for which she has prepared herself, even if all the money she earns be used to pay the help. Some women are especially fitted for the important work of mother and homemaker, and such wives will find for themselves a worthy career in the home and its neighborhood activities. Each woman must find a field of action suited to her own temperament, education, experience, talents, and opportunities.

Selecting a Caretaker

For a caretaker, the professional or business woman should not select an ignorant servant girl; that would be a great mistake - a crime - a violation of the law that should govern the training of these little people who have come to us to be reared and cared for and fitted to occupy their place among the world's workers. As a rule, one soul does not possess the qualifications for scrubbing and laundry work and also the firm but gentle ministering qualifications necessary for a successful caretaker. They do not combine as a rule. It has been my experience, as a mother with a profession, and that of many others of my acquaintances, that an art student or a music student makes a splendid caretaker. There are hundreds and hundreds of genteel women, with winning manners and beautiful dispositions, who may be obtained to sew on the buttons, wash the faces, and change the clothes of our darlings while we are carrying forward in the world the great work for which we have fitted ourselves during the long struggles of our teens and early twenties.

The young woman who is brought in to care for the child should be above the usual "servant" class. She must eat in our dining-room, she should be welcome in the living-room or sun parlor, and be treated as a respected member of the family. Her salary is usually not large for she realizes that she is given something in that home - something that money cannot buy.

The Up-To-Date Mother

Now this young woman (the caretaker) wants to hold her position, and so she is very anxious to carry out in detail the laws and rules that are laid down by the mother. Mother can keep abreast with the world, mother has time to read periodicals that keep her in touch with the great, wide, pulsating affairs of life. She is able to meet more women worth while, and with her husband attend lectures, musicals, theaters, and other places for intellectual culture.

Anyone of my readers need not look four blocks from her home to find a mother who is run down at the heel, whose dresses are calico, whose hat is five or six years old, whose black silk dress (the only one she ever had) is worn shiny or threadbare, who works and saves every penny that she can that her children may look well; and, even when the husband does invite her to go out with him, he will often be confronted with this remark: "John, I would like to go, but really my clothes are a little bit shabby."

The world is just full of such women, with their very hearts being eaten out of them for the want of a beautiful gown, a beautiful hat or a pretty pair of evening shoes, and they might have them every one if they would be willing to allow the duties of the household to be presided over by a woman that cannot do the things the mother can do, while she goes out and accrues a number of dollars each week which will more than provide for the things that her soul desires so that she may go well dressed by the side of her husband in quest of that very necessary intellectual culture and social diversion.

The wife of a prominent judge, in my office just this week, said to me that she believed that most of our social and domestic uneasiness was due to the fact that fathers and mothers and children went out together so seldom. The father goes to his club, the children go to their little gatherings, and mother usually stays at home; although of late, she is beginning to realize the value of the women's clubs.

Qualifications of the Governess

The caretaker should not be too old. It is a very great blessing if there is an older sister in the family who can come in and assist with this work, or if there is an aunt. If one is to be selected from the open market, then we suggest a woman in her late teens or early twenties whose heart is full of play, whose face is sunny, and who is young enough to appreciate and like the becomingness of youthful dress. It is needless to say she should be free from tuberculosis and other diseases. She should be trustworthy enough not to administer soothing syrups because the children won't sleep, or to give candy when mother has forbidden her, or to teach the children bad habits of any sort.

It is impossible to exercise too much care in the selection of this substitute mother, and when you do find one it is often wise not to keep her too long. A year or so is plenty long enough for any person to be with our children. It is only necessary for anyone to walk out into the public parks and casually listen to the conversations of many of the "chewing-gum caretakers" to discover with what carelessness some people select caretakers for their children. The language they use is not only ungrammatical but oftentimes both slangy and profane. The flirtations carried on with many of the park policemen and bystanders lead us to feel that many people arrive at the idea that their little folks "will grow up some way."

If the caretaker is a student, a young woman of culture, and is kept with the family, she will be found to be more circumspect and dependable. Her gentleman friend, if she has one, should be allowed to come to the home. She does not have to meet him out in the park any more than a sister would have to go away from home to meet a friend; and, to my mind, everything centers around the viewpoint of the mother as she selects this caretaker, for if she is her social equal it puts her in a different place entirely to the well-meaning but ignorant servant girl to whose care is often entrusted the lives of the little people.

Overcoming Bad Habits

There are a few bad habits which older children fall into such as lip-sucking or thumb-sucking or finger-sucking which not only narrow and deform the upper jaw, but likewise deform the hand itself. They should be stopped at the earliest opportunity by pinning the sleeve to the bedding or putting mittens on the hand or putting a slight splint on the anterior bend of the elbow. Some children suck their handkerchiefs, or bite holes in their aprons and neckties.

Children often bite their finger nails, and a habit of this kind fully developed during early childhood often remains with them throughout life; whenever a nervous spell seizes them they instantly begin to bite their finger nails. Other people pick their nose when nervous, so during very early childhood these habits should be discouraged. One mother helped her little son by beautifully manicuring his nails for him each week. Another child was cured by old-fashioned spanking. The finger tips may be painted with tincture of aloes, or dipping the tips of the fingers in strong quinine water will sometimes help. I know of nothing better for the adolescent child than to teach him how properly to manicure his own nails. Another bad habit that children often get into is stooping or allowing the shoulders to become rounded. Shoulder braces are not indicated in these cases. The children should be allowed to enter the gymnasium or the father should take off his coat and vest and go through gymnasium stunts with the boy. The mother can do the same for the girl. It is often the case that round-shouldered children are near sighted. The child really has to stoop to see things. When a child holds his head to one side constantly on looking at objects, astigmatism, an error of eyesight, is usually indicated. An eye specialist should be consulted, the eyes examined, and properly fitted eye glasses should be worn.

Just as early as possible in the life of the little child he should be taught to blow his nose, to spit out the coughed up mucus from his lungs, to hold out his tongue for inspection and to allow his throat to be examined. He should be taught to gargle, and to regard the physician as one of his best friends. Attention to these minor accomplishments will make it very easy indeed for the physician in case of illness.

About the Author

Dr. William S. Sadler M.D. was a well-known American psychiatrist and college teacher in the school of medicine at the University of Chicago. For over sixty years he practiced his profession in Chicago, thirty-three years being associated in practice with his wife, Dr Lena Kellogg Sadler. The doctors were pioneers in the research on the mysterious Urantia Papers.