Babies - Caretakers and Governesses : Part 1

The Mother and Her Child
by William S. Sadler, M.D., Lena K. Sadler, M.D.

(Page 36 of 41)

Because of her versatile adaptability to the management of details, woman, all through the ages, has willingly and happily sacrificed herself upon the altar of service. It is not in the province of this chapter to go into the details of the tribal life of the early hordes and clans that came from the north and from the east to establish civilization in the cities of Rome and Britain - space forbids. In this chapter we wish to hold up a picture to the mother, a picture which may spoke volumes to her soul; one which perhaps she may ruthlessly throw away - nevertheless, we propose to exhibit it.

Homemaking vs. Housekeeping

A newspaper woman in my office recently told me a story of a mother who finished her high-school education, took some work in a university, and who yielded to the earnest pleas of her lover-classmate through grammar school, high school and college - and married him. To this happy family there came a number of beautiful children. The mother willingly, lovingly, cared for them during their helpless infancy - made their clothes, managed their meals, opened the door for them as they came home from school, met them with a cheery story, listened to their problems, helped them with their lessons - but all through it, first, last and all the time, she also managed the entire home. She dusted the furniture, changed the curtains, looked after the linen, mended the clothes, and even pressed the trousers of her "rapidly rising" husband that he might go out into his "club life" and enjoy the evenings with his associates.

The duties of the day so wearied her, and the night vigils with the sick child, - looking after the little coughs, the uncovered shoulders, getting the drinks of water and performing a dozen other details - that she was too weary to accompany her husband to the dance, to the theater, to the social gathering or to ladies' night at the club; and so, in the course of a dozen years, the mother had grown old, and quite naturally she had grown "home centered." Her world's horizon was the walls of her home. She was happy and quite contented in her children's smiles, in the cheery "how do you do" of her husband, in the fact that that gravy was good or that steak was fried to the king's taste.

She was happy and contented until one day when the awakening blow came. In the attic she and her thirteen-year-old son, who was just entering high school, were looking through an old chest when she drew forth some examination reports and some old school cards - holding them up side by side. One set of the cards bore the father's name and the other set the mother's maiden name. In great surprise the boy exclaimed, "Why, mother, I never knew you studied algebra and Latin; why, mother, I never knew you were educated."

Her eyes were immediately opened, the scales fell off, she was awakened to the fact that her own son was coming to regard his mother as somewhat inferior, in intellectual attainments, to the father - that she was considered in that home as a mere domestic. True, the steak had been broiled well, the pudding was exquisite, the children's clothes were always in order, the husband's trousers were always beautifully pressed, his ties were cleaned as well as a cleaner could clean them; but where did she stand in her boy's mind and where was she in her husband's mind?

"Do you notice how trim and nice Mrs. Smith always looks? Her clothes are always in the latest style, and she combs her hair so becomingly." Such remarks as this from the well-meaning husband cut keenly, and it is well that they do, for often it is only such remarks that wake up our "home mother."

Dear reader, I want you to ponder this story. I wish to say to the mother who has started out upon a career in life, who has prepared herself for teaching school, for a business career, for story writing, for millinery, for lecturing, or has perhaps graduated in a domestic science course, that she makes the mistake of her life in settling down, just because she has taken another's name, to be perfectly satisfied with becoming the household domestic, the household mender, the household cook.

Mothers In the Professions

I have in my acquaintance scores of mothers in the professions, newspaper women, women who have carved out brilliant careers for themselves, women who have taught school for twenty years while their children have been growing up, women physicians who have risen in the esteem of all their professional brothers and sisters, women who have conducted cooking schools, who have occupied positions of trust in hospitals and in every walk of life, and who have successfully reared children at the same time.

You will pardon me for being personal when I say that since our own little fellow was six weeks old his clothes have been washed and mended and his food has been prepared by earnest and honest women who had not fitted themselves for the career which this boy's mother had chosen. His mother went to her office, cared for her patients, kept up by the side of her husband in the battle of life. All the time there was a woman at home just devoted to that little fellow.

A newspaper woman recently told me her story - a story which should impress everyone of my readers as it did myself, and she, like many other mothers in the professions, leaves her home as the little fellow goes to school. His hands have been washed, his bowels have moved, his hair has been combed, his breakfast has been eaten by the side of his mother - she has directed it all. He goes forth to the schoolroom and she goes forth to her profession. All through the day she lovingly keeps in mind these children that are growing up. She works the harder, real love entering into everything she does, because she is not merely earning the bread that goes into their mouths, but is forming a character not only for herself but, because of her broadened horizon, is instilling into their little minds the possibilities of their own career, their own opportunity to enter into the world's work as real world workers.

I contend that the mother in a profession has many blessings that the mother who remains at home never has. The mother who remains at home has a viewpoint that is often quite likely, wholly unconsciously, of course, to become small, to become narrow, to become focused upon small details; on the other hand, the mother whose mind and whose heart are so full of the affairs of the office, of the newspaper article she has just written, or the lecture she has just given or is about to give, or the meeting that she is to preside over, is quite likely to become somewhat irritated sometimes if the little fellow doesn't stand quietly to have his hair combed, she is quite likely to "feel rushed;" but under all circumstances, dear reader, whether this mother be a home mother or in a profession, never, never must she allow mental panic to seize her. Ever must we keep in mind that these little ones are just children - children that are still in the developmental stage.

Work Outside the Home

And now for the home mother. I believe it is necessary and of paramount importance that she get away from her children (if possible) several hours each day; that she provide for them a caretaker who can relieve the children of her or relieve her of the children, whichever way you may look at it, for we are inclined to think that the children often tire of the mother just about as often as the mother tires of the children. I would have the woman who remains at home, whose husband is able to provide outside help for the heavy work of the house, enter into some uplifting neighborhood work, social settlement work, church work, wholesome club work - anything but bridge and whist and gambling games. I would have them bring into the nursery a woman who is cheery, who is capable of teaching games, of entertaining and amusing these little folks under their own roof.

About the Author

Dr. William S. Sadler M.D. was a well-known American psychiatrist and college teacher in the school of medicine at the University of Chicago. For over sixty years he practiced his profession in Chicago, thirty-three years being associated in practice with his wife, Dr Lena Kellogg Sadler. The doctors were pioneers in the research on the mysterious Urantia Papers.