You Like Me!

Stop Sabotaging Your Career: 8 Proven Strategies to Succeed - in Spite of Yourself
by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

(Page 9 of 9)

Relationships will never take the place of technical competence; they complement and support it. The ability to see and be seen is an essential ingredient for all good relationships, workplace and otherwise. Beyond making an individual contribution and building one-on-one relationships, you have to work effectively as part of a team. The next chapter provides suggestions for how you can be an effective team member and contribute to your team's success.

Put a check mark in the box of two or three coaching tips you commit to doing.

At least once a week, have lunch with one or more colleagues. Don't just wait for it to happen - schedule it at the beginning of each week. Use it as an opportunity to get to know your co-workers, clients, or direct reports and to allow them to get to know you on a personal level by not just talking about work, but also finding areas of common interest outside the job.

Drop by one person's office per day for ten minutes of casual doorway conversation. Put a recurring alarm on your desktop calendar to serve as a reminder that it's time to get up and get out of your office or cubicle. Ask questions: "I know you're a gourmet, and I was wondering if you could recommend a good restaurant to take my mother-in-law to this weekend?" or "I heard your daughter is going off to Harvard in the fall. What's she going to be studying?" The question itself doesn't matter as much as showing genuine interest in the other person.

Smile at people as you walk past them in the hall. There is no better way to increase your likability quotient than to smile. Don't look away or look preoccupied as you pass others - seize the opportunity to craft your reputation as a warm and friendly human being.

Keep your office door open unless you are conducting confidential business or trying to meet a tight deadline and don't want distractions (but never more than a few times each month). If hallway noises are distracting to you, buy a white-noise machine to mute them - it's better than sitting in a closed office all day and giving the impression you don't want to talk to anyone.

When people talk to you, surrender yourself for the moment. Develop a mental mantra that will enable you to shift from whatever might preoccupy you to being able to listen to what's being said. My own is, There is nothing more important than that I be fully present in this moment. It will eventually become the segue from whatever you're doing to being in the moment.

Open up to people to let them get to know you by disclosing personal information with which you're comfortable. This isn't to say you have to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. Talk about a good movie you saw over the weekend, a particular event on a recent vacation that brought you joy, or something a child did that made you a proud parent.

Accept co-workers' invitations for lunch or dinner and extend your own. If you think you don't have time in your busy schedule to break bread with a colleague, think again. Working through lunch makes it look as if you can't handle your workload. Similarly, socializing outside the office enables you to build warmer, more collegial relationships at work.

Attend company-sponsored social events. You don't have to be the life of the party or even stay until the event is over - but you do have to show up. Spending a little bit of your own time at these events contributes to the notion that you care about your fellow workers as human beings - not just humans doing.

Learn the names of co-workers' husbands, wives, significant others, and children. Having a bad memory is no excuse. Write the information down in your contact file along with the person's phone number and address. It's just another way to humanize your interactions.

Remember birthdays by keeping a list or marking them on your calendar. Although it's not necessary to buy a gift or a card, being able to wish people a happy birthday makes them feel special and helps you to build a relationship you might need in the future.

Follow up on information that has been previously shared with you, particularly personal information. You won't be able to do this if you haven't really listened or if you're preoccupied with your own activities. If someone tells you her father is in the hospital with terminal cancer - don't forget about it. Periodically ask how he's doing or if there's anything you can do to help.

Interact with everyone equally, regardless of level in the organization. From the person who cleans your office to the one who signs your paycheck and everyone in between - they all deserve to be treated with unconditional positive regard.

Begin every conversation with small talk (unless past experience tells you the other person doesn't like it). Before delving into the business at hand, ask other people how they're doing or what's new in their lives - and listen to the answers. Small talk cements good professional relationships.

Enroll in a Dale Carnegie course (www.dalecarnegie training.com). Many of us remember Dale Carnegie's former slogan: Win friends and influence people. Dale Carnegie courses, offered at various locations around the world, are designed to provide you with the skills and confidence needed to communicate effectively, deal with problem solving, and inspire co-workers. Course objectives include developing more self-confidence, controlling your fear of an audience, improving your memory, developing a more effective personality, and widening your personal horizons. Additionally, the firm offers both college credit and continuing education credits (CEUs) to anyone participating in its programs.

Don't allow an inordinate need for others to like you to get in the way of being direct and straightforward. Take more risks around developing your own voice without necessarily ignoring or overlooking the opinions of others. You can do this by paraphrasing what you've heard and adding your thoughts to the mix.

Do favors for people even if you don't anticipate needing them returned. That's what the quid pro quo is all about. You will find the world a much more abundant place when you act with abundance. Good deeds may not be returned from the person you did a favor for, but they will be returned.

See beyond the task to the human being who is performing it. It has become too easy to see people as merely functionaries carrying out duties and responsibilities. Others are not accountants, engineers, waiters, or teachers - they are mothers, brothers, aunts, and grandparents with feelings and needs. You don't build relationships with roles - you build relationships with people.

Copyright © 1998, 2007 by Lois P. Frankel

About the Author

Dr. Lois P. Frankel is the president of Corporate Coaching International as well as the author of several books and numerous articles. She is internationally recognized as an expert in the field of workplace behavior. With over twenty years of experience in human resources development, she is a frequently invited guest on talk radio, television, conferences, corporate workshops, and retreats.