Understanding The Quid Pro Quo

Stop Sabotaging Your Career: 8 Proven Strategies to Succeed - in Spite of Yourself
by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

(Page 3 of 9)

Inherent to every relationship there is a quid pro quo - something given in exchange for something else. Without realizing it, you exchange things with people all the time. When relationships fail or falter, it's typically because the quid pro quo isn't recognized, or it changes without the consent or acknowledgment of one or both of the parties involved. I remember working with one woman who was concerned with her troubled employment history. It seemed that she had no trouble getting a job. In fact, she was never without one for long. She was technically competent, physically attractive, and interpersonally capable. Clearly, she presented well in interviews and secured most of the jobs for which she interviewed. The problem was that once she was in the job, she became quickly dissatisfied and disillusioned. Her employers wouldn't give her challenging assignments or recognize her technical capability.

In an effort to uncover what the cause of the problem really was, I asked her to role-play an interview with me. Much to my surprise, I found this professional woman turned into a femme fatale! The normally assertive demeanor that I had come to associate with her was replaced by what I would describe as an intentionally sweet disposition. The slight Southern accent with which she normally spoke became more pronounced. She was coy, acquiescent, and charming. It was almost as if she were flirting.

The role play made it apparent that the woman secured the job based on one set of behaviors but unwittingly changed them once she was inside the company. In other words, the quid pro quo changed. Her employer expected one thing based on the interview and, instead, got something else. She didn't present as, nor was she selected for being, an assertive, upwardly mobile career woman in the interview. Her employers selected her for the behavior she presented, not what she became once employed. This created a chasm between what they wanted and what she wanted. There was obviously nothing wrong with what she wanted, but it wasn't the message she gave during her interviews. When the quid pro quo changed, unbeknownst to the parties involved, it created turmoil and unfulfilled expectations for both.

Part of building successful relationships at work involves identifying the quid pro quo between you and everyone with whom you interact, and working to assure that everyone's needs - including your own - are met. Some people tell me that this business of quid pro quo sounds awfully manipulative. On the contrary! It's an honest, businesslike assessment of what you have to offer others and what you need from them. We trade on relationships all day long without ever realizing or discussing it. Say, a month ago you asked me to cover for you at a meeting so that you could attend to a problem with one of your children, and I willingly agreed. A few weeks later, I needed some research done that only you know how to do, and you gladly obliged. Neither of us was counting the chips we had collected with each trade, but they had accumulated in our accounts. The trick is to always have more chips in your account than you need - and this can't be done manipulatively; it can only be done through a generosity of spirit. To do otherwise would soil the integrity of the relationship.

The value of the quid pro quo was apparent during a training program I conducted when a small group working on an assignment decided that they needed an LCD projector to make a presentation to the larger group. One participant said that she thought she could arrange it and excused herself to make a call. I mentally noted that there was little chance of getting the equipment on time - their presentation was just a few hours away. Ninety minutes later, a man entered the room with the LCD in hand. He also took the time to set it up and make certain it was working properly before he left. At the break, I asked the woman how she'd managed to get it so quickly. She smiled and said, "I've done a lot of favors for this guy. He owed me one." Without ever saying, You owe me, she successfully traded on the quid pro quo.

My own life has been profoundly impacted by this concept of the quid pro quo. When I first started my consulting business more than twenty years ago, I received a call from an administrative assistant I once helped while I worked at the oil company ARCO (now BP). At the time, her boss had delegated to her the responsibility for preparing the department's affirmative action plans. If you've ever prepared one, you know they're quite complex and not a lot of fun to do. She knew that I had experience developing these plans, so she asked for my assistance. As much as I, too, hated preparing affirmative action plans, I was happy to help her complete the assignment and didn't give it a second thought. For several subsequent years, she would call me when it came time to complete the plan, and each year I helped her get it done. When I left the company, I never expected our paths would cross again - until a call came in from her.

Copyright © 1998, 2007 by Lois P. Frankel

About the Author

Dr. Lois P. Frankel is the president of Corporate Coaching International as well as the author of several books and numerous articles. She is internationally recognized as an expert in the field of workplace behavior. With over twenty years of experience in human resources development, she is a frequently invited guest on talk radio, television, conferences, corporate workshops, and retreats.