Pros and Cons of a Relaunch

Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms Who Want to Return to Work
by Carol Fishman Cohen, Vivian Steir Rabin

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This is no simple decision. Unlike the choice to pursue non work passions, the decision to return to work has the distinction of not being completely on your own terms. It involves an obligation to others beyond your family and you. The last thing you want to do is take on a professional commitment and not deliver. Therefore, make sure you decide whether or not to return to work not by default, but after exhausting all other ways you may want to spend your time.

On the other hand, returning to work has the potential to satisfy so many of your long-suppressed desires. It allows you to contribute to the family income and be recognized for doing so, interact with adults on intellectual issues, focus on challenging problems for extended periods, and experience the unique sense of accomplishment that comes from finishing a complex project and getting paid for it.

Reasons Behind Your Uncertainty About Returning

Your Husband's Attitude and Work Situation

Before pursuing paid work, you have to consider one of the other major passions in your life, your husband (if you have one). Where is he in his career, and can he be the point person for family-related issues during some predetermined ramp-up period you may require once you start a job? What type of job does he have? If he controls his hours, then taking a job with unpredictability or heavy travel becomes more of a possibility for you. However, if he has a job with a crazy schedule or a huge amount of travel, it will be difficult for you to take a position with similar characteristics.

Another relevant factor is how he handles his own job emotionally. Is he under a lot of job stress? Is he new to his current job or has he held it for a number of years? Is he happy with his situation or will he be looking for a change soon? The more stable his career, the easier it may be for him to help at home.

What kind of money is he earning? If he's making enough to support all of you in style for the foreseeable future, he may legitimately wonder why you see the need to earn money yourself. However, if your income will materially improve your lifestyle, either now or in retirement, he will probably be more gung-ho.

Finally, is he open to the prospect of taking on more domestic responsibilities? Is he threatened by it? Does he think he can't handle it in addition to his workload, or has he become so accustomed to your doing everything at home that he dreads the thought of its being any other way? Even those husbands favorably disposed to the notion of picking up more child- and home-related responsibilities are shocked by the amount of time involved.

We mention husbands here because their employment status and their feelings about your going back to work will have a fundamental impact on your thinking. Nevertheless, if your husband is the only one holding you back, don't necessarily let him stand in your way. You'll have to take his schedule and attitude into consideration, but in most cases, if you're thoughtful, committed, and persistent, you can relaunch in a way that strengthens, rather than threatens, your marriage.

The Impact on Your Children

For most women at home, it's their children who are keeping them there. If you've been a hands-on parent, seeing your children off to school each morning and meeting them at the bus stop or welcoming them home each day, you may be understandably concerned about how your return to work will affect them and in turn, how that will make you feel as a mother. And it's probably not just the logistics of who will get them out of the house in the morning or who will supervise them in the afternoon that worry you. If you've been an at-home parent, you're accustomed to a parent kissing them good-bye in the morning and keeping track of their goings-on after school. Peggy, a former advertising executive with two elementary-school-aged daughters, has very strong feelings about the importance of parental influence, in the moment, when her kids come home from school. "I know who my kids' friends are and can subtly and gently steer them toward certain friendships and away from others. I could never have this level of awareness if I was working full-time. I think this closeness gives me the ability to set boundaries for my children that I wouldn't be able to set as clearly if I weren't so close to the dynamics of their daily lives."

Although many mothers feel strongly about being home for milk-and-cookie time almost until their children leave for college, some find themselves willing to consider being out of the house a few afternoons a week because they've built up such a cushion of full-time motherhood underneath them. These moms do not think they need that lengthy daily contact in order to feel part of their children's lives. In fact, a few women described having the opposite feeling: Because they had been home full-time for so long, they actually didn't want to be there full-time anymore.

If you're worried about the emotional and psychological impact of your working on your kids, be aware of the significant research published and dissected since you probably last visited the issue. In A Mother's Place, Susan Chira examined several child care studies and concluded that "most studies that have followed children over time . . . have found virtually no differences between children of working or at-home mothers." In fact, "several studies have indicated that children of working mothers, particularly poor children and girls, are more socially adjusted; perform better in school; and have greater self-reliance, higher career aspirations, and more egalitarian views of sex roles." Unless your job hours coincide with those of your children (and we interviewed women who crafted such opportunities), then you're going to have to find some child care and get yourself and your kids comfortable with it. You may have to engage a part-time babysitter or enroll your child in an after-school program, for example, at least a couple of days a week. Our experiences and those of the relaunchers we interviewed suggest that as with any major change, if you still have elementary-school-aged children at home, the transition will be easier for both you and your kids if you return to work gradually, rather than going back full-time out of the house from day one.

If a sudden change in financial status requires that you return to full-time work outside the home immediately, so be it. Or if you're offered an incredible full-time opportunity that you don't want to pass up, go for it. But if making the transition smooth is an option, then starting off with a reduced schedule, for example, a full day three days a week, or consulting from home with occasional days out, will help you and your children get used to the idea of your not being home when they get out of school. After an adjustment period, you can then ramp up to five full days without its being such a jolt to your children's routines and expectations. Presenting yourself consistently as a working parent is the key to making the transition easier. A steady and gradual relaunch will help you appear more consistent to your kids.

Copyright © 2007 by Carol Fishman Cohen and Vivian Steir Rabin

About the Author

Carol Fishman Cohen is a frequent speaker and consultant to employers, universities, non-profits and individuals on the topic of career re-entry. Carol graduated from Harvard Business School in 1985. She was on maternity leave with her first child in February of 1990, when her firm, investment bank Drexel Burnham Lambert, dissolved. After five years working part time followed by six years at home full time with her four children, Carol relaunched her career in 2001 at age 42 by taking a demanding, full time job at a major investment firm.

Vivian Steir Rabin is currently Vice President, US Operations for retained executive search firm Salovey & Associates, where she focuses on recruiting for the real estate industry. In addition to her work in executive search, Vivian consults and speaks on the topic of career re-entry. Ms. Rabin graduated from Harvard Business School in 1986 and joined Lehman Brothers as an investment banker specializing in the media and entertainment sector.