Something Is Holding You Back : Part 2

The Flip Side: Break Free of the Behaviors That Hold You Back
by Flip Flippen

(Page 2 of 3)

As the clinic grew to be one of the larger mental-health clinics in Texas, I learned the hard way that some parents didn't care much, if anything, about their kids. Many of the children we saw were homeless, or abused, or simply ignored as they tried so desperately to find their place in life. In 1988 our foundation built a five-hundred-acre boys' ranch and, later, a ranch for girls. To this day that work continues, and I never cease to be amazed at how the kids flourish in the presence of "family" and parental care.

Over the next few years, I had the opportunity to work with many corporate executives through the Center for Executive Development at Texas A&M University, in College Station, Texas, where I live. These invitations came because others were hearing of the difference we were making in the lives of young people. The interim president of Texas A&M, Dr. Dean Gage, wanted to expose our work and way of thinking to corporate executives around the country. It was a tremendous time of growth and intellectual challenge for all of us. For one thing I learned that many corporate executives are a lot like enthusiastic kids. In fact, in some cases I couldn't find any differences at all, other than age! So often they grappled with many of the same issues; they just called them by different names. For example, in school you can be labeled ADD or ADHD, but then as an adult you are called an entrepreneur. Interesting how that works, isn't it?

Growing Greatness

Meanwhile, my two boys were growing up, and I wanted them to do well, too. One night the boys got into an argument, and the next thing I knew, a lot of yelling was going on. When I confronted them about it, one of them said, "Well, he isn't doing what I told him to do!" And there you have it. The same thing I had heard a business executive say that very morning - You're not doing what I told you to do! - before he started yelling at his employees. Lack of self-control didn't work for Matthew and Micah, and it didn't work for the executive, either, who soon discovered he was approaching an unexpected career crisis. By addressing the issue with my boys early on, I was hedging my bets they would not be doing the same thing at forty years of age! As a parent I wanted my sons to be the best they could be, to play at the top of their game - not just in business, but in life. I wanted to grow greatness in my children.

Today they are partners in a thriving company they bought together. As they put it, "Pop, we are having the time of our life."

For several years I presented lectures to graduating seniors at Texas A&M. A typical presentation would start with a question. As I walked in I would ask, "Why are you here?" The response was a roomful of blank faces. Then a lone voice would invariably pipe up.

"Do you mean here at A&M, or here in the auditorium, or here on the earth? What are you talking about?"

"Here."

"To get a degree!"

"Why do you want a degree?"

"To get a job."

"Why do you want a job?"

"To buy a car!"

"Hmmm, let me see if I have this right. You came to Texas A&M four years ago and spent about one hundred thousand dollars so you could buy a car. Is that right?"

In that light the investment didn't seem like such a smart one.

Of course the next questions were the real ones: "What are you here for? What are your talents and gifts? What are your dreams? Why would you focus on a car rather than a purpose? What would happen if you lived your life to its fullest? What could you become if you identified your greatest strengths and removed your worst constraints?"

And that last question, my friend, is the question of your life.

I learned many years ago that it didn't matter how many hours I put in, or how hard I worked, I still couldn't get that much MORE out of my efforts. I was working as hard as I could at being my best, but I was still stuck. The growth I experienced was incremental - which was better than no growth at all - but it was not taking me where I wanted to go.

My clients and patients were being stifled by behaviors and thoughts that I believed they could and would change - if only they recognized them and the damage they were doing. They had plenty of talent and resources, but they let their attitudes and actions get in the way of using them. I also saw that specific behaviors were holding me back from becoming my best. I recognized the similarities between myself and other people who were struggling with their constraints: the distance runner who possessed great speed but lacked mental endurance, the promising junior executive who was too deferential to take charge, or the gifted young student who was simply too self-critical to see her true worth.

My goal was to identify the obstacles in our way and provide the skills to plow through them. I discovered that most limiting behaviors can be traced to a handful of distinct, measurable constraints. I began to develop strategies to release people from their constraints. This evolved into Overcoming Personal Constraints (OPC), the simple program I have used to help thousands of people from all walks of life.

Copyright © 2007 by M. B. Flippen

About the Author

Flip Flippen lives in College Station, Texas.