I want to have friends, a job, and a better relationship with my mother

by Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Dear Dr. Ellen: I have been out of work, since July 1996. And as things have been I am not sure of when I will go back to work. Therefore, I have these questions for you. I have only heard you speak about dealing with the opposite sex in a romantic way. I like what I have heard you say, but at this time a man in my life is the last thing that I need. So, since my situation warrants it, I have questions concerning of how I can make the relationship with my mother work much better? I have never owned my own car, much less lived out on my own and I will be 33 years old in Feb. I fully realize that if I do not do something about this situation, then things will either stay the same or just get worse and I could end up living with my mother all of my life and never realize any of my dreams. I have been to several different counselors, but the only advice that they give me is "go to work" and to "walk to work", but they can fully see that I am much too overweight to walk to not much of anywhere, much less to work. And yet I have told them time and time and time again that my mother refuses to try and help me in a lot of ways, but it just seems to go over their heads. Also, they tell me to "talk to my mother" and yet I have told them a number of times that I have tried to talk to my mother, but it only ends up in an argument. So, with that, I just ended the counseling for a while. I have not been to anyone since this past early summer. Therefore, I was wanting to know if you have any kind of advice for me in how to handle this situation. Plus, I have to include this too. I have no friends, no income whatsoever, no car of my own, my mother refuses to allow me to drive her car, and I have not one person that I can turn to. Please let me know what, if anything, you can advise me to do about solving this problem. Thank you for your time. - Trisha

Advice: Dear Trisha: I am a great believer in baby steps. By setting a tiny goal for yourself each day, at the end of the year, you won't believe the changes that are possible. Do one thing everyday that sets you on the path to independence. It is too overwhelming to think of everything you eventually want to do. For instance, maybe tomorrow you simply decide to walk a little further than you normally do. Maybe you begin a friendship on the internet. All I want you to do is think of what you can do tomorrow that makes you stretch and grow. When your head hits the pillow, give yourself a grade. A if you accomplished your goal. I think a good place to start for you would be to go to www.RichardSimmons.com and join his club. He has a section where you can get a weight loss buddy who would really understand what you are going through. I know that when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1991, I joined a support group to help me get through a very difficult time.If you can find some sort of support group in your area, you may find that someone is willing to pick you up in their car and take you to a meeting. It all starts in our minds and it sounds like you have a healthy mind. You do know, without anyone else telling you, what would be best for you. You just have to take it one day at a time. Please keep searching until you find at least one person who you can talk to and feel that they understand you. - Dr. Ellen

About the Author

www.lightyourfire.com
For the past 20 years, Dr. Ellen has educated, motivated, and inspired thousands of men and women on how to put fun, romance, excitement and communication in their relationships. Through humor and personal experiences, she is able to captivate and relate to any type of audience, the dynamics of building a solid foundation for a more rewarding life. Through her audio cassettes, CD's, seminars, videos and books she has been teaching and communicating her message to men and women of all ages throughout the world. All of her efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: strengthen the fun, love and communication between two people. She has been happily married for 34 years, has three grown children and two grandchildren. www.lightyourfire.com