I Met Him Online, Should I Meet Him Offline?

by Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D

Dear Dr. Ellen: I'm writing you hoping you will understand and relate to my experience. I met this man several months ago online through a match-making service who has never failed, up to this minute, to make me happy. He says he loves me. He sounds so caring and considerate. He is everything I need, I think. We have talked about NEARLY EVERYTHING, up to 4 and 5 hours a day. It feels like we have been dating for a very long time. I can tell him anything and he can do the same with me. We live in different states but I decided it was time for us to meet but my friends and my brother think that I am crazy. This man makes me feel so special and this is something I have never felt before even with guys I have been with for much longer.

I am not a lonely person. I have many friends. I am an athlete and very social. It's not loneliness that drew me to him. With everything we have shared online, we have become part of each other's lives. We are basically ordinary people with a similar goal - to settle down with somebody you love and want to do almost everything together.

I still want to meet this guy but I'm getting a lot of resistance from my brother and my friends. What do you think? Is this a "pseudo" romance like my brother calls it? I'm confused. Please help. - Sarah

Advice: Dear Sarah: I have personally met and spoken to many people who have gotten married as a result of running a personal ad or have met someone on-line. I know that your brother and friends are concerned about the safety of meeting someone this way. We've all heard horror stories about meeting people through the internet and it is wise to get as much information about the person that you can. Anytime you meet someone new, you are taking a risk. Whether you meet through a mutual friend, at a bar, in a chat room or through an ad, there are never any guarantees that "What you see is what you get." People have a false sense of security when they meet someone, for example, on a plane and exchange business cards. Just because you spend time talking to someone for an hour, doesn't mean that you know them. Other people may meet someone in the same building where they work and think that is o.k. It is all risky. The people who have fallen in love this way have all said what you have said. They felt so close and something clicked.

I think it's very exciting and you should definitely meet. I always recommend meeting in a very public place and certainly the airport qualifies, so I don't see any problem meeting him there. Make sure that he is staying at a nearby hotel and not with you. I hope you have gotten some vital information like the name and telephone number of the company he works for and his home phone number and address. If he has nothing to hide he will willingly give you that information. If he makes any excuse for not providing you with that information, then I'd side with your brother. Having another couple join you is also a good idea. If he is truly a kind and considerate man then he'll understand your discomfort and want to do everything he can to make you comfortable. If that includes a chaperone for the entire time, so be it. If he gets annoyed or you sense any defensiveness on his part, it's a sure sign that it is not in your best interest to pursue this relationship. - Dr. Ellen

About the Author

www.lightyourfire.com
For the past 20 years, Dr. Ellen has educated, motivated, and inspired thousands of men and women on how to put fun, romance, excitement and communication in their relationships. Through humor and personal experiences, she is able to captivate and relate to any type of audience, the dynamics of building a solid foundation for a more rewarding life. Through her audio cassettes, CD's, seminars, videos and books she has been teaching and communicating her message to men and women of all ages throughout the world. All of her efforts are designed to work together to achieve one ultimate goal: strengthen the fun, love and communication between two people. She has been happily married for 34 years, has three grown children and two grandchildren. www.lightyourfire.com