Virtues of Sister Bourgeois : Part 2

Life of Venerable Sister Margaret Bourgeois
by Anonymous

(Page 11 of 15)

This was a sad position for a superior who believed God's work would suffer by a real or supposed lack of confidence. It will be remembered she was engaged for two entire years in the task of procuring new subjects, together with the letters patent for the institute, and during that time the signal favors she received from both God and man gave her much consolation. But no sooner had she returned to Ville-Marie than she was replunged into sorrowful embarrassments, as she noticed that what seemed to her to be relaxations had crept in. She attributed the fire of 1683, and the deaths of her two best subjects on that occasion, to her own sins, and overwhelmed with these ideas, her life became a sad and pensive one.

She was also firmly persuaded (in her deep humility) that she was unworthy and incapable of governing the rising Congregation. So persuaded was she of it, that she frequently asked the Sisters to accept her resignation, but as they justly attributed her request to an over-scrupulous conscience, they refused to acquiesce. She then reproached herself with infidelity to her vocation in seeking to be released from the burden of superiority, as she had often promised Almighty God that, come what would, she should never abandon His work. Sometimes pride whispered that she was quite useful in the position she occupied. At other times she felt convinced that others could discharge the duty better. Always disquieted, always agitated, she knew not what to do. In this state of desolation, she lost confidence in her directors, who she supposed, did not understand her. The only consolation she experienced was an absolute submission to the orders of Divine Providence, and a firm confidence that God would at last arrange all things well for His greater glory. And so things were arranged, indeed, but in such a manner that this spouse of the Crucified had to drink to the dregs the saving chalice of affliction, and taste in her inmost soul all its bitterness.

She had now labored for a quarter of a century in the exercise of all sorts of good works. Her body was lacerated by the rudest austerities. She was a martyr to mental anxiety, and had but one beacon-light during her long spiritual darkness, viz., the certainty that she loved God and was loved by Him. Nevertheless her chalice was not yet full. In 1689, on the night of November 3d, one of the Sisters remained up long after the others had retired to rest. Suddenly a Sister who had died about sixteen months before stood before her (as she affirmed), and said slowly and distinctly, "I am sent by God to warn the superior of this Congregation that she is in mortal sin," naming at the same time the person who was the cause of her guilt. The astonished listener related the apparition to Sister Bourgeois, who regarded it as the wanderings of a diseased imagination. But two months after, January 3d, 1690, the deceased again appearing to the same Sister, said, "The superior has not done what she ought to do; it is the last warning I can give her, for I am now going to Paradise," and so saying, disappeared.

The visionary (for as such, only should she be regarded) went again to inform the Foundress of what had transpired, and at this second blow the poor superior succumbed, appearing to be indeed stricken by the anger of God. It seems strange that her strong mind could be deceived, even for a season. Perhaps her great age made her more susceptible to the influence of an asserted vision, than she would have been at an earlier period of life. To declare that she was at enmity with God, was to inflict a grievous wound on her heart, and this warning reduced her almost to a state of despair. She felt that she was a reproach among her Sisters. She dared not speak to them, and hardly raised her eyes before them. The Sacraments she regarded with extreme repugnance, believing that they had hitherto been useless to her, and that her receiving them now would be profanation. It happened, however, by the dispensation of God, that her director was a wise and skilful ascetic, who narrowly watched the operations of grace in her soul, and treated her accordingly, and as she blindly followed his directions during the time of trial, she daily sanctified herself more and more.

It was at this precise period that M. de St. Vallier came to Montreal for the first time, and the humble Sister frankly acquainted him with her state of mind and its consequences, asking him very earnestly to appoint another Sister in her place, in order that things might work well and confidence be restored. However, the Bishop did not consent to her resignation then, hoping that her pain of mind would soon disappear. But on his return to Montreal, in 1693, he found matters still in the same state, and consented to a first election in the Congregation, presiding on the occasion himself. Sister Marie Barbier of the Assumption was elected superior, to the satisfaction of the whole community, and above all of Sister Bourgeois herself, who, being at last relieved of the responsibilities of superior, hoped soon to regain her long-lost peace of mind, and so it happened. For in January of the next year, 1694, being just four years from the time she was first warned of her eternal damnation, she felt a distinct conviction in her soul that she was fully reconciled with God. And all her pain of mind disappeared.

This interior light, however, only determined her to labor still more earnestly for the glory of God and the maintenance of regular observances. She was a member of the council of the new superior, but the honor of the position caused her much disquiet, as she never ceased to assert that it was on account of her sins the former austerities of the house had partly fallen into disuse. The change of superiors had not in the least diminished the esteem of the Sisters for her, who had been so long their faithful mother in God, and they omitted no opportunity of testifying their esteem, which affectionate attention was doubtless agreeable to her kind heart. In order to tranquilize her mind, and on account of her great age, they judged it expedient to dispense her from attending at the public exercises of the community, leaving the infirmary entirely at her disposal, where she might occupy herself with some light work, as much for recreation as employment. She obeyed without reply, and it may not be uninteresting to hear what she thought of her exile, as she called it. The Memoir says:

"Although charged, conjointly with my Sisters, to watch over the welfare of the house, I knew nothing of what passed in it. For four years I occupied myself with a little sewing, remaining all the time in the infirmary. I slept there, took my meals there, on account of my great age, they said, and that I might be a companion for Sister Crolo, who could no longer go to the refectory. I held no conversation with the Sisters, very rarely went to our chapel, as we of the infirmary could easily hear Mass from our apartment, it being so constructed as to open directly fronting the altar. Yet my former disquiet returned, and I knew not what to determine on, because I could not divest myself of the idea that God required greater perfection from the community than I saw practised in it. It is true they tried to console me by asserting that all was well, and that I might set my mind at rest. I answered them nothing, but I could not conceal from myself that relaxation existed, and that I was the cause of it. I suffered more in this perplexity of mind than I can ever explain."

Foundress of the Sisters of the Congregation of Notre Dame.