Having a Ball in the World of Dating : Part 4

Cinderella Was a Liar
by Brenda Della Casa

(Page 4 of 8)

We Run Our Dates like Interviews

Does he want children? Where does he live? How much does he make? Does he brush his teeth before bed? What is the thread count on his sheets? Interviewing your date is not only boring but it can be annoying for the one being bombarded with questions. If you have ever been the maiden who sits down to dinner only to find yourself reciting a list of compatibility questions and blurting out your basic boyfriend job description, you've got to turn off the overhead light and stop the interrogation already!

Spending the entire evening reciting a list of likes and dislikes and asking the poor sap a boatload of questions will leave him about as comfortable as a rectal examination. Asking questions about someone is the way to get to know them, but keep it simple and light at first (such as asking about travel and his hobbies) before you try and find out if he has ever had skid marks in his knickers.

Real-World Suggestion Relax and allow things to unfold slowly like a wonderful plot in a good book. Savor getting to know him, and pay attention to how he acts and reacts and what he chats about. All of these things can be more telling than any quick-witted response he might give to one of your many questions.

We Expect Every Ball to Be Our Last

Despite what she might have put out through the palace PR rep, we now know that Cinderella married a lad without taking the time to get to know him or try on his slipper. Remember, this girl was in such a hurry to get hitched that she left her own slipper behind! Had she taken the time to attend a few balls, there is a very good chance she would have found a lad who would have taken her out, gotten to know her, and had much more in common with her.

The same will go for you. It is for this reason that it is imperative to take the time to attend several balls, dance with numerous suitors, and halt the expectation that every ball we attend will be our last. Every dance you participate in will not send you floating, and every lad you spend time with will not be a royal. Not accepting this will only chip away at your self-esteem. I know this will be hard to swallow, but sometimes it's OK to just have a good time.

Real-World Suggestion Expect that you will get something new out of every ball - it may be a new dance move, a new friend, or a wonderful new suitor. Hell, it might be that you learn you don't like the kind of music the DJ played. You don't always find the right ball gown at the first store, but that doesn't mean the dress is not out there. You just have to keep looking for it.

We Think We Get Only One Chance at Royalty

Sometimes we meet a great suitor and, before you know it, we're flaunting it all over town, sharing banana pancakes over brunch, having tea with the queen, and calling him "schmoopy" in public locales. Then, just as we get comfortable and start thanking our lucky stars for being swept off of our feet by this incredible lad, love takes a wrong turn and BAM! We get dropped right on our heads. What's a gal to do? Well, if you listen to Cinderella's schpeel you'll probably lock yourself in a tower somewhere and convince yourself that you'll never find a connection like the one you had with Mr. Swoop-n-Drop.

But you aren't going to do that, are you? Nope. Know why? Because you understand that sometimes love just does a belly fl op. Instead of sinking to the bottom of the dating pool and drowning in your sorrows, you are going to ice that bruised ego, tape up that broken heart, and climb right back on that diving board. Always remember that some love is everlasting, some is fleeting, and some just fades over time. Unless you are stale and cemented in your ways, you will evolve over time, and so will others. The key is to learn from each mate (good and bad) and find the one who connects with you and is flexible enough to change along with you.

You are more than meets the eye, and so is your partner. You have different layers and a variety of interests that may change at any time. None of us is the same person today that we were ten years ago, and you will not be the same person ten years from now. This means that while one story may have led to a painful ending, it's a chapter in your book of life and a brick cemented into the bridge that will carry you to where you are going. It's not where you live.

Real-World Suggestion The truth is that just because this situation didn't work out doesn't mean that there aren't several royal babes out there capable of making you happy, appreciating you, and loving you. Just give yourself time, and remember, don't cry over anyone who is not crying over you.

We Campaign for the Crown

You're a catch. No really, you are! You are smart, sophisticated, and extremely successful. And in case he hasn't figured it out yet, you are going to let him know every chance you get. You think you are showing confidence, but he thinks you are as insecure as a starlet on her first audition. Verbalizing your "dateability" comes off as tacky as telling him how beautiful you think you are. Not only does it counterbalance any positive conclusions he may have come to about you, but it makes you sound desperate - as though you are campaigning for his affection.

Real-World Suggestion It's best to let your manners, charm, and style speak for themselves. Remember, actions really do speak louder than words. Besides, you don't elect a princess; you anoint her.

Copyright © 2006 by Brenda Della Casa

About the Author

Relationships expert, Brenda Della Casa, is a journalist and casting agent who has spent the last six years interviewing single men and women for a variety of television shows and articles. Last year she interviewed almost a 1,000 single, married and coupled men world-wide, together with hundreds of single women for her breakthrough book, Cinderella Was a Liar.