Having a Ball in the World of Dating : Part 2

Cinderella Was a Liar
by Brenda Della Casa

(Page 2 of 8)

We Are Addicted to Romance

If you are a little lover of love, you may be floating on cloud nine every time you meet a new suitor. However, you remain one blast away from emotional suicide as your constant anointment of devotion on the head of every common man you meet is a game of romantic roulette. You are so madly in love with the idea of love that by the time your waitress takes your drink order you have started to scribble your new initials on your napkins.

This is the maiden who believes wholeheartedly in fate (see later in the chapter). She spends a lot of time with astrologers who promise her that for a small fee, they can lift the romantic curse that has been bestowed upon her by a jealous relative or evil witch. If this sounds like you, consider this an intervention. Your idealism might be intoxicating, and your eyes sparkle all right, but it isn't love that's causing it. It's merely the thick glaze of self-deception. With all that gooey deception clouding your clarity, it's no wonder you claim you never saw the ever-present warning signs of incompatibility. By setting your heart on the idea that every new suitor is your prince, you leave yourself vulnerable and open to being used. Learn to take things slowly, and make it a point to see a lad for who he really is and not who you want him to be.

Real-World Suggestion Buy a journal and write out his dating review. Jot down things that were said and done throughout each date. Was he funny? Respectful? Did he ask you questions about yourself and your life, or did he yammer on about how important his job is? Don't write how happy you are to have met him or what your dreams are but what he said to make you laugh, what you found interesting about him, and anything he said or did that made you uncomfortable.

We Give Up Too Easily

We've all been there. Three bad dates in two weeks, and we've got Mr. "I-need-to-take-you-to-coffee-to-see-if-you-are- worthy-of drinks - to-see-if-you-are-worthy-of-dinner" penciled in for tomorrow. You want to meet a good guy, so you dry-clean that great wrap dress, dash on your last ounce of faith, and resist the urge to cancel.

If you have ever been more willing to swallow a glass slipper than be without one another day, you're not alone. After all, there is a reason the singles bars are full of jopefuls (jaded hopefuls) on just about every night of the week and the online dating industry rakes in an estimated $500 million a year.

Just about everyone is looking for love (or at least a little lovin'). It's not just you or even just you and your friends. It's a totally natural desire to want someone to ask you how your day was or remind you of the passion that can be found in a kiss. Everyone wants someone there to share their happiness, wipe their tears, and acknowledge their life has a purpose. The problem is we often forget that, even without this acknowledgment, our lives do have meaning, and the desire to win the dating game should be kept in perspective. Now, we all know doing that is about as easy as not giving in to our desire to pick up a toad's call just because we are lonely - but do it, we must.

Real-World Suggestion Date yourself until you have found someone you feel like dating! Take yourself out to great dinners with friends, get yourself a pedicure, and enjoy the perks of the life you have created and the joy of not having to answer to anyone. Take a look at my suggestions from Chapter 4 for more great ideas for enjoying single life.

We Believe in "the One" Instead of Many

According to worldometers.com, as of June 15, 2006, at 10:55 a.m. EST, there were approximately 6,569,524,953 people in all of the land. Now, call me a cynic, call me crazy, but please don't call me and tell me that my soul has just one mate! Neither does yours. Think about it. Do you really believe life is that screwed up? What if my guy is living somewhere in Milan? What if I find this out and he takes a trip to Rome the weekend I rush to Milan to meet him?

If this were the case, then most of us simply wouldn't have enough frequent-flier miles or vacation days to find true love. We'd all be screwed! So there might not be a guy in that particular bar on that particular night, but since when is that any indication there are not several or even dozens of wonderful suitors out there (yes, in your geographical area) ready to meet you?

Real-World Suggestion Realize that the idea of one match for every person may sound romantic in theory, but it's extremely limiting in practice and as unrealistic as flying horses.

We Hold onto Silly Ideals

You have always imagined yourself with a gorgeous Antonio Banderas look-alike with an accent and an estate in Spain. So you sit around daydreaming about his chocolate-brown eyes and sexy accent instead of accepting dates with one of the great-looking blue-eyed suitors who surround you in Perkiomenville, Pennsylvania.

Unless you want to live alone for the rest of your life, you have two choices: move abroad or give one of the good guys around you a chance. We all have fantasies about what our lives should, could, or will be like, but it's detrimental to dating to allow our daydreams to hinder our reality.

Real-World Suggestion If you are attracted to someone, he makes you smile, and you like his personality, don't cut him loose just because he doesn't live up to the ideal you always pictured yourself with. This isn't settling. It's having an open mind. You never knew you liked calamari until you tried it.

Copyright © 2006 by Brenda Della Casa

About the Author

Relationships expert, Brenda Della Casa, is a journalist and casting agent who has spent the last six years interviewing single men and women for a variety of television shows and articles. Last year she interviewed almost a 1,000 single, married and coupled men world-wide, together with hundreds of single women for her breakthrough book, Cinderella Was a Liar.