Having a Ball in the World of Dating : Part 1

Cinderella Was a Liar
by Brenda Della Casa

Rewrite your romantic reality and create your own Happily Ever After

Any woman who's kissed her share of toads will relate to this wise and witty guide to modern love. Written by a casting producer for television's most popular dating shows, Cinderella Was a Liar explodes the fairy-tale myths that make you miserable - while offering real-world insights that actually make sense. Author Brenda Della Casa interviewed close to 1,000 guys to get the real facts behind the fairy tale and find out what works, what doesn't, and what will send a man running to Never-Never Land. Armed with that knowledge, you will finally discover why your supposed Prince Charming isn't into you and how to find the love you deserve.

Features get-real strategies for the NOT-SO-fairytale world of modern romance, including:

• The Twelve Sisters No Prince Wants to Date
• The Toads You Need to Cut Loose Right Now!
• The Lies We Speak Into the Mirror
• One Night Stands...and Other Bad Potions
• Guaranteed Ways to Send Him Far, Far Away
• And Other Royal Dilemmas!

Chapter 8

So, here you are: a saucy, single maiden who has exorcized her dating demons, has stopped obsessing about the ring, and has instead taken a vow to love and respect herself. You have learned that you don't need a slipper to find love and happiness; you need the right one. You have learned to accept your life for what it is and not what you hope it will be in the future.

Congratulations! You are now officially ready to get out there and start dating again! You'll still be the same wonderful maiden in the same city and town, and you'll be surrounded by the same suitors, but you wouldn't know it. Dating is about to feel like a totally different experience! This time you'll be at the ball donning a brand-new outlook and a sexy understanding of who you are and what you want. Suitors beware!

In order to do this, we are going to do a little refresher course and understand what the laws of courtship are here in the real world. This means that it is time to discuss what in the heck a date is anyway. Cinderella had her godmother; we have the secret confessions of hundreds of suitors (and we're not out perpetuating lies and ruining romantic lives either). Karma and knowledge are on our side.

Now, to ensure you don't blow an evening out with a suitor who could be carrying your sparkly stiletto, you've got to learn the moves of the dance and know when to lead and when to follow, or else he might just waltz right out of your life before he even gives you a twirl.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

You are a smart, modern maiden who knows all there is to know about dating. You go out all of the time. You are charming and funny and can light up a room by just entering it. Not only do you not need to read this section, you could write it yourself.

Come close. No, come a little closer.

You're wrong.

Sorry.

I have been wrong, too.

We all have.

The one thing every prince, suitor, maiden, and toad have in common is a great big, fat, inflated ego. We love to believe that we know what is right and it's the other gals who have the long nasty hairs that need plucking. If this were true, you wouldn't be reading this book. So, kick off those mules and get comfy, because we're about to deconstruct the dating world!

What in the Heck Is a Date?

Here is what a date isn't: a night out with your boyfriend. A date with a suitor isn't a promise of anything; it's a subtle suggestion that there is a slight possibility that he is carrying a slipper in your size and that you might be comfortable wearing it. You are in the running for the crown - along with dozens of other maidens. A date is nothing more than a first step in a long, complicated courting dance, and one misstep can destroy the entire performance. His asking you out doesn't mean he's in love with you or that he's ready to sit under a tree and fill out a "compatibility test." It just means he thinks you and he could have a good time. That's about as deep as it gets.

While your fantasies have you dreaming about falling madly in love and having tea with the queen while he plays polo with your nephew, reality has something else in mind - something a little less grandiose and a lot less secure. So snap out of it, sister! Right now, he's thinking he might have a good meal and maybe he'll get a little nooky (which, if you like him, you won't provide him . . . but more on that later). This does not mean he's a toad. It just means he, like every other male out there, is under the spell of the penis.

Though Cinderella's version had the prince holding a ball to meet the woman he would marry, the truth is that princes, toads, and suitors alike all like to get laid, which is why it is their first and ultimate goal (but don't give in if you want that slipper!). Even the most sincere suitor does not go out looking for a wife every time he shares a goblet of wine or breaks some bread. He goes out looking to have fun with a variety of maidens, thinking that eventually one might surprise him and inspire him to commit.

This is the difference between our suitors and us. We maidens date because we are longing for love and looking for companionship. For us, dating might be a pleasant experience, but more oft en than not it is a means to an end. Our suitors see dating as a lot of fun, which will turn into something deeper when they have had their "aha!" moment (Chapter 3) and subsequently find a maiden they feel is worthy of their monogamy.

Common Mistakes We Maidens Make
in the World of Dating

As you can see, the first date is only the beginning. So, before you start gushing to your mother, airing your dirty laundry, talking about yourself nonstop, or unpacking your emotional baggage, let's talk about some of the things you can do to give him the best possible impression of yourself. Remember, it's what you do long before the clock strikes midnight that will determine where the possible relationship will go.

After all, you might be the coolest maiden in all of the land, but your date may never know it if you spend the entire date worrying about what he thinks of you, pushing for a connection, or running down a list of questions you should have waited several dates to ask. Your first few dates are meant to establish if there is real chemistry and a connection, not to find out how much he owes on his student loans or discuss your issues with your mother. While it is extremely important that you present your authentic self and that you get to know more about him, there are limits to how far one should take it in the beginning. Here are some common mistakes we maidens have all made at one time or another, along with some helpful suggestions for navigating successfully through the dating maze.

Copyright © 2006 by Brenda Della Casa

About the Author

Relationships expert, Brenda Della Casa, is a journalist and casting agent who has spent the last six years interviewing single men and women for a variety of television shows and articles. Last year she interviewed almost a 1,000 single, married and coupled men world-wide, together with hundreds of single women for her breakthrough book, Cinderella Was a Liar.