The Child's Mental Training, Part 3

Maintaining Health
by R. L. Alsaker

(Page 43 of 47)

Doubtless the greatest happiness is to be found in a congenial family, where the parents understand and love each other and their children. Those parents who are so busy that they lack the time to become acquainted with their infants and keep up this intimacy, are losing a part of life that neither money nor social position can give them. Many wait until too late to get on intimate terms with their children. When young, the children are naturally loving and then the beautiful ties which neither time nor misfortune can sunder are formed. When the children are grown it is too late to establish such a relation. Then they look at their parents with as critical eyes as they use toward other people, and though they may become very good friends, the tender love is lacking. Love between man and woman is unstable, but the beautiful love that springs from companionship of children and parents lasts until the end.

While some mothers neglect their children, many become too absorbed in them. The children become all of the mother's life. As the young people become older, their horizon naturally widens. During infancy the parents can fill the child's whole life, but soon other interests crave attention. There is always a tragedy in store for the mother who refuses to see that her children, as they grow older, will demand the human experience necessary for individual growth and development. If the mother has no other interest than her children she will one day be left with a heart as empty as the home from which the children are gone. There are so many interesting things in this world, and every mother should have her hobby. She should have at least one hour each day sacred to herself, in which she can relax and cultivate the mind. This will help to fill the coming years, which too often prove barren. Loving parents get all the reward they should expect from the beautiful intimacy that exists between them and their growing children. So-called ungrateful children have incompetent parents. Parents have no right to demand gratitude. They do no more for their children than was done for themselves in the morning of their lives. The right kind of parents never want for rewards. They are repaid every day so long as they live. Children grow under the care of their parents, but the parents also grow and expand in understanding, sympathy and love through association with their children.

Today society does not treat the mothers with the proper consideration. The mothers deserve well, for they have to give many of their best years to the children. These are the productive years, and generally unfit the women to go into economic competition with the rest of the world afterwards. Society owes it to the mothers of the race to see that they are not made to suffer for fulfilling their destiny. Motherhood today is as dangerous as the soldier's life, though it ought not to be, and it is more difficult to raise children than to conduct a successful business. However, the financial rewards for motherhood are generally nil. The least society can do is to see that these women do not want for the necessities of life.

Most children are interrogation points. This is well, for they learn through curiosity. The questions should be answered honestly, or not at all. It is common to give untrue answers. This is poor policy, for the answers are a part of the child's education and untruths make the young people ignorant and superstitious. It takes considerable patience to raise a child and he who is unwilling to exercise a little patience has no right to become a parent.

Whether to use corporeal punishment or not is a question that the parents must decide for themselves. Many parents are in the habit of nagging their children. It is, "Don't do this," and "Don't do that," until the little ones feel as exasperated as the Americans in Berlin, where everything that one has an impulse to do is "Verboten." The children have not yet acquired caution, nor are they able to think of more than one or two things at a time. Consequently they forget what they are not to do, and then parental wrath descends upon them. Parents can well afford to be deaf and blind to many things that happen. Those mothers who are ever shouting prohibitions soon cultivate a fretful, irritable tone that is bad for all concerned, and which does not breed respect and obedience. Make it a rule not to interfere with the children except when it is necessary, and tell them to do but one thing at a time.

If too many commands and prohibitions are issued, the children are prone to forget them all. If they are talked to less, what is said is more deeply impressed on their minds, and the chances are that they will remember. Boisterousness is not badness, but indicates a state of well-being, which results in bodily activity, including the use of the vocal cords. It is common to all young animals, and the human animal is the only one that is severely punished for manifesting happiness.

If the parents decide that corporeal punishment is necessary, they should be sure that it has been deserved, for a child resents being punished unjustly, and undeserved punishment is always harmful. Many parents become so angry that they inflict physical punishment to relieve their own feelings, and this is very wrong. If a parent calmly decides that his child needs punishment, perhaps this is the case. The punishment should be given calmly. Nothing can be more cowardly and disgusting than the brutal assault of an angry parent upon a defenseless child, and such parents always regret their actions if they have any conscience, but they are generally of such poor moral fibre and so full of false pride that they fail to apologize to the children for the injustice done. These parents inflict suffering upon their children, but they punish themselves most of all, for they kill filial regard and love. Children have a very keen sense of fair play.

If it is decided to administer corporeal punishment, it should have enough sting to it so that it will be remembered. Parents who temper their justice with patience and love are not compelled to resort to corporeal punishment often.

Children should never be hit on the head. Pulling or boxing the ears should not be recognized as civilized warfare. Blows on the head may partly destroy the hearings and affect the brain.

Another thing that may not come under the head of punishment in the strictest sense, is lifting children by one of the arms. Women are prone to do this. Often it partly dislocates the elbow joint. The children whine and no one knows exactly what is the matter. If one arm is occupied and the child has to be lifted from curb to street or over a puddle, stoop and pass the unoccupied arm about the child's body and no harm will be done.