Why Nice Girls Don't Lead

See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work and in Life
by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

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Most workshops that I conduct include a module on collaborative problem solving. It's videotaped and played back so that participants can see themselves as others see them. The instructions, given in advance, ask participants to wait until the camera is on before they begin work on the problem. With only two exceptions in nearly twenty years, after the camera begins recording, the first person to speak has been a man. Regardless of seniority or expertise, women are reticent to take the lead. The reasons for this are as different as women themselves. When they do exhibit leader behaviors (particularly when they do so before being asked), they face a wide array of subtle and not-so-subtle reactions - from both men and women. Included among the reactions with which they are forced to contend:

• Being called names (usually behind their backs) that assault their femininity.
• Anger that is expressed blatantly or passive-aggressively.
• Having their ideas openly challenged, rather than built on.
• Having their ideas overlooked only to be repeated as original by men in the group.
• Being excluded from future meetings.
• Having information that enables them to make good judgments withheld.
• Challenges to their "right" to lead (i.e., "Who does she think she is?").
• Later being given more menial assignments that are designed to keep them in their place.
• Being placated.
• Being openly derided.

In the face of such negative reactions, it's no wonder that women are reluctant to lead! This is what makes it so important for women to consciously view these reactions as natural responses to a system trying to maintain status quo, and not to collude with them.

In the 1977 classic Games Mother Never Taught You: Corporate Gamesmanship for Women, Betty Lehan Harragan used masculine metaphors and definitions to help women better understand how to win the game of business. Although groundbreaking at the time, the book set the stage for women to assume that they inherently lacked knowledge or skills to compete on the corporate playing field. Subsequent books followed suit, and soon the very essence of the woman leader was lost in assertiveness training, tailored suits (with little bow ties for a time), and sports jargon. As a result, women chose to hide their natural abilities and instead attempted to emulate the higher-valued behaviors associated with the masculine style of leadership.

I was honored when Dr. Judy Rosener, professor emerita of the University of California-Irvine's Paul Merage School of Business, graciously agreed to speak with me about this. In 1990, Dr. Rosener wrote an article for the Harvard Business Review titled "Ways Women Lead." Although she's written many books and articles since, this piece represents the seminal thoughts on the topic of women and leadership. She was ahead of the curve then, and she still is. That article was the first to suggest that women possess a different style of leadership from men - but one that's equally effective. She shifted the thinking for many of us from I have to be more like a man to succeed as a leader to The skills I bring to the workplace, whether developed by nature or nurture, have intrinsic value. Judy wrote, "Women's success shows that a nontraditional leadership style is well-suited to the conditions of some work environments and can increase an organization's chances of surviving in an uncertain world."

When I had the chance to interview her sixteen years after the article's publication, I was anxious to get her thoughts about how things have changed in the intervening years. Here's what she shared with me:

The biggest difference today is that women no longer believe that to be a leader is to be a male. My article provided some "aha" moments for women, so that they now believe that in a fast-changing, highly technological, globalized environment there are certain attributes that are particularly effective that they happen to exhibit. Women are far more comfortable doing what they do naturally and less comfortable with being trained to be like men. That's why women are leaving corporations and starting their own businesses. Flexibility, collaboration, and multitasking are things women do well because of either socialization or nature. Women today have moved from a "fitting-in" model (to succeed they have to fit in) to an "organizational fit" model, which means I'm going to join an organization where what I do is valued and rewarded. It may be subconscious, but the women I talk to constantly are transitioning. They don't want to change to be successful. Women have to know and understand the environment in which they work but not think that their leadership skills present a problem, because they're not the problem.

I agree wholeheartedly. In the past, women who did not want to sublimate their natural abilities were left with three options: (1) remain silent and in nonleadership positions; (2) leave corporate America to start their own businesses; or (3) leave business entirely - to parent, retire, teach, what have you. Although businesses are slowly (and somewhat reluctantly) beginning to embrace this notion of a different but equal leadership style, the result continues to be a migration of women leaders away from business at the very time when their skills are required to better understand how to improve productivity and morale. Option 2, starting their own businesses, is increasingly being exercised, with the number of women-owned companies growing at twice the rate of all businesses between 1997 and 2002. They contribute more than $2.8 trillion in revenues to the US economy and employ in excess of 9.2 million people.

Women can, and must, combine their socialization and natural instincts to provide the kind of leadership necessary to unleash a wider array of individual and team gifts than are present in today's workplace. It's simply a matter of harnessing their talents, reframing them in a way that they can be better showcased, and augmenting them with complementary behaviors to provide a well-rounded (and much-needed) approach to the business of leadership.

Copyright © 2007 by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

About the Author

Dr. Lois P. Frankel is the president of Corporate Coaching International as well as the author of several books and numerous articles. She is internationally recognized as an expert in the field of workplace behavior. With over twenty years of experience in human resources development, she is a frequently invited guest on talk radio, television, conferences, corporate workshops, and retreats.