We've all heard the stereotypes about women who marry into money-they're gold diggers, they don't care about love. The fact is, there are plenty of fabulous men out there who happen to be wealthy, and someone's going to marry them. If you're a smart, sophisticated, independent woman looking for love, why shouldn't it be you?

J. Courtney Sullivan has created a guide for women everywhere who have worked hard to get where they are in their lives and their careers and deserve to be challenged, excited, and supported-financially and otherwise-by the men in their lives. It's not anti-feminist-it's knowing what you need from a partner and demanding the entire package.

With tips on everything from "top 10 products for under $10," "8 types of rich men to avoid," and "9 essential clothing items that no girl should be without," DATING UP will help women attract the right kind of man. It also gives advice on where to go to meet men and how to transition from the first few dates to having sex to meeting his mother. Stocked full of top ten lists; enlightening quotes from film, literature, and pop culture; and sidebars with extra Quick Tips, this manual will be a must-have for all women ready to find Mr. Right.

Chapter 1

"Genius is of small use to a woman who does not know how to do her hair."

- Edith Wharton

To get a date with the average man, all you need is a miniskirt, two breasts, and the willpower to ignore his calls for at least a week after giving him your number. But starting a relationship with a quality wealthy man is another matter.

The rich, as they say, are different. To them, summer is a verb, share is a noun, and rent is a passé Broadway musical. Men who are both rich and interesting want to know that the women in their lives can keep up. The good news for you is, you can probably already do that. But there are still adjustments that every one of us can make to look better, become more cultured, and sound informed.

Other dating books tend to advise us in one of two ways when it comes to working on ourselves. These books want us either to change completely and act like little man-pleasing robots (I won't even get into how ridiculous that is), or they tell us, "You're the best! If he doesn't want to be with you, he's nuts."

That statement is comforting and all, but it always makes me wonder to whom the writer is talking: Who is the best? Me personally? Does the boring girl in my office have a copy that says "You're, umm, boring. If he doesn't want to be with you, I can sort of understand"? We can't all be the best in every way. But if we want the greatest guys the world has to offer, we need to bring something to the table. The first part of finding Mr. Right is being ready when he appears, and a man of quality needs a woman who can keep up-someone who will look the part and act the part, too. This chapter offers an overview of the most essential topics that appeal to someone who is both cultured (such as art and wine) and male (such as sports and dude movies). These are all areas that you should (and possibly do) know a bit about anyway. But there is always more to learn. The best sort of man is informed, inquisitive, and interested in knowing about a wide range of topics. And the best sort of woman is no different.

Drugstore Cowgirls

As your mother probably told you when you were going through that gawky adolescent stage, it's what's inside that counts. But it's what's outside that your future husband will notice first. So let's begin there.

When I worked in the Condé Nast building in Times Square-an office space that has more beautiful women per square inch than some Midwestern states have, period-my stock among my male friends immediately went up. I suddenly knew women who worked at Allure, Vogue, Glamour, Self, Lucky-and every guy I knew wanted to be set up.

I love matchmaking, so this was no problem. The first pair I introduced was Jack and Ellen. Jack works as a banker on Wall Street, Ellen as a beauty editor. They decided to meet for dinner at Balthazar on a Thursday night. That afternoon, I e-mailed Jack to see how he was planning to prepare.

I'm going straight from work, he wrote back. Why? Am I supposed to change or something?

Meanwhile, Ellen searched in the fashion closet for some fabulous new thing to wear. When you work at a women's magazine, you have access to all the designer clothes you could ever want, and if you spilled the contents of your desk drawers onto the floor, an entire Sephora franchise might very well fall out. So Ellen didn't need to go home before the date, either. Instead, she applied her concealer, foundation, bronzer, eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss right in her office. When she was done, she looked like Ellen-beautiful and perfectly put-together.

Jack called me after the date, and the first thing he said was, "She's gorgeous. I love how she doesn't wear any makeup. Women look so much better when they go the natural route."

I was floored. But it happened again and again. I'd set up my wealthy male friends with editors, and the guys would always comment on how little makeup the women wore. Because, of course, like all men, they think they love low-maintenance girls.

Bless their ignorant hearts.

What these men don't know (and let's keep it that way) is that it took years of experimenting with different makeup shades and textures to make those beauty editors look so darn natural. Flawless makeup applications leave you looking like you're not wearing any makeup at all. And, as I learned from working in magazines, you don't always have to go with the most expensive products to achieve the perfect look.

In Manhattan, uptown girls often stroll down the makeup aisle of Duane Reade Drug. Why? Because women who can actually afford high-end cosmetics know that some things are worth the money, while others are interchangeable with their cheaper counterparts. Learn to know the difference, and don't be swayed by fancy packaging.

Always read the ingredient list. For example, the main ingredients in a bottle of CVS-brand Balanced Care Conditioner (retail value: $3.00) are water, cetearyl alcohol, cetyl alcohol, and stearyl alcohol. The main ingredients in a bottle of Kerastase Oleo-Relax (retail value: $16.00) are water, cetearyl alcohol, glycerin, and cetyl esters.

Yup, that's right. Pretty much the exact same ingredients. And do you know what all those alcohols and esters do to your hair?

Neither do I. I'm guessing they make it clean.

Cosmetics, shampoos, conditioners, exfoliators, and body creams are physical enhancers. You don't need a license to operate them, and they don't come with an owner's manual, so it's fine to go with the cheaper option when it's presented to you.

Copyright © 2007 by J. Courtney Sullivan

Tags: Dating For Women

About the Author

J. Courtney Sullivan grew up outside of Boston, attended Smith College, and now lives and dates in Manhattan. She has written for The New York Times, Allure, Tango, and the New York Observer.