God's Heart for Generations

Not Your Parents' Marriage: Bold Partnership for a New Generation
by Jerome Daley

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Every generation has its own divine purpose, and God always tries to restore and redeem certain things in certain generations. Paul described King David's role from an interesting perspective: "When David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep" (Acts 13:36). The destiny of Israel's greatest king can't be understood outside the unique context of his particular generation. And so it is today. A new set of values and priorities emerges with each generation. And some generational currents affect all of society, Christian or not. Those currents need to be looked at critically: they either reinforce Kingdom values, or, alternately, they cut across the Kingdom and confront it.

This is a challenge for both the older generations and the younger: the prior generation needs to avoid automatically rejecting cultural shifts, and the new generation needs to moderate the urge to automatically embrace every new current. Both generations should expect culture to change and should look for the Kingdom opportunities that emerge within those changes.

This is the bigger, zoomed-out context in which we look at biblical marriage. God wants to express himself through marriage in a way that demonstrates his heart for the world. We see God stamping upon today's generation a new and broader sense of partnership. It's not new in the sense that other generations didn't have a similar vision, but it's new in the depth and breadth of expression that is beginning to mark today's young men and women. This is not to elevate one generation above another... or to elevate people at all. It's God's idea and initiative, and it's God's glory that is at stake. It's to his honor that Kingdom values are revealed in lives and marriages! God intends to unveil the values of community, equality, and partnership, not exclusively in marriage, but uniquely in marriage. And as God does this, the face of marriage will take on the radiance of heaven itself and will advance the cause of Christ on the earth. This is part of God's destiny for this generation. The past generation has worked to protect the sanctity of marriage in the midst of a culture that has torn at the holiness and beauty of marriage.

Our spiritual Enemy is doing everything in his power to undermine marriage. The church has fought to defend the rightful place of marriage at the core of God's heart for his people and the world. We believe God's vision for partnership gives shape to the sacred dimension of marriage. God designed marriage for one man and one woman to come together, and together they bring a completeness that mirrors an infinite God through a finite humanity. As a man and woman become one, marriage displays the heart of God like nothing else on earth. The full image of God cannot be exhibited in only one gender; it takes both man and woman (see Genesis 1:26-27; 2:24). God does call some to remain single, and when he does, his purposes require that person to live within a very strong community of Christians. God said it's not good for men (or women) to be alone. We know that from direct experience. Our souls long for a soul mate; we long to be known, to be understood, and to be loved. Marriage is about a man and a woman coming together completely... and that togetherness is sacred. That is holy.

Oneness Is Exclusive

It's not as though you can come together for five years and then say, "Well, I'm not complete with you any longer; I need to join my life with this other person so I can really be complete." Your union with your spouse is complete in its potential, and you have to work to unpack the potential. You are made for your spouse exclusively. That's what marriage does; it keeps other people out!

And one of the first groups of people who need to be kept out of the marriage is the parents. The role of parents and extended family changes dramatically when their children marry-or it should change dramatically. But often there is a lack of understanding about how this shift in roles takes place. It's significant that God, while he chooses to say relatively little about the details of marriage, uses the seminal verse from Genesis to charge the husband to leave mom and dad in order to join himself to his wife.

This passage, Genesis 2:24, is the first mention of marriage in the Bible and, as such, warrants special attention. God wants to lay a foundational mind-set about marriage right from the beginning. This mind-set involves a new couple separating emotionally from their parents-and separating in a unique way from the husband's parents. This is a big enough issue that we'll take two entire chapters to address it. The partnership between husband and wife is essential, and it must be protected from the forces and relationships that would compete against it.

God says, "Don't you let it happen! You must protect the exclusiveness of your partnership against all comers." It's not just parents that can compete with your partnership; it's also close friends, work responsibilities, hobbies, and even ministry. All of these can undermine the priority you need to place on your partner. Your marriage is sacred and must be set apart, free from the entanglements of other soul ties or loyalties that can compromise the integrity of your union.

A Work of Art

The question remains: how do you find God's intention for the unique shape of your marriage? Do you look to your parents, one another, Scripture? Do you find the unique shape in generational currents, from your intuition, or from God himself? The answer is yes. God intends to paint a brand-new masterpiece showing his idea of intimacy, oneness, partnership, and destiny. And he wants to display this masterpiece in your marriage. He will use the same palate of colors he has always used, drawn from his unchanging character as revealed in the Bible, but every stroke will be custom-fit to your unique blend of personality and calling. And it will be beautiful! God will draw upon themes and examples you have inherited from your parents. There is a good and right sense of multigenerational continuity that reflects his glory. God will also use brush strokes that are consistent with his intention for the current generation. Where the yearnings of this generation amplify the heart of God, they will show up in your relationship. What kind of generational yearnings? The cry for authenticity, the hunger for real community, the passion for a rich personal experience, and the intuitive reach for an artful approach to both relationship and worship. These are some of today's cultural currents that resonate with-and in fact emanate from-the heart of God. Certain men and women from prior generations modeled similar passions, but now it's going to mark an entire generation!

And, not least, God will allow each of you the fearsome privilege of holding the brush and painting what you dream into your partner. You will mirror God's heart to one another. Even as the Holy Spirit channeled divine thought through the colorful personalities and language of the biblical writers, so the Spirit will direct his wisdom to you and allow it be colored and applied through your hands to each other. The result will be a new living testament, if you will, to the radiant beauty of God.

Questions for Prayer and Conversation

1. Do you and your spouse consistently make decisions together? Do you ever find yourself caught in patterns of "nondecision"? If so, what is a recent example?

2. Is partnership a good description of your marriage? Why or why not? What does partnership in marriage mean to you?

3. As a couple, where are you in the process of discovering your joint destiny?

Copyright © 2006 by Jerome and Kellie Daley.

About the Author

Jerome and Kellie Daley cofounded oneFlesh Ministries after serving for ten years as worship pastor and leader of women's ministries in a local church. Through oneFlesh, they call people to pursue a life of intimacy with God and one another. Jerome is the author of Soul Space and When God Waits. He holds a master of arts in New Testament from Columbia Biblical Seminary, and Kellie holds a master of arts in educational ministries from the same institution. The Daleys live in Greensboro, North Carolina, with their three children.