Part 2

Reaching Teens in Their Natural Habitat: A Field Guide for Savvy Parents
by Danny Holland

(Page 2 of 2)

Confidently, as if she had studied all night for this response, she answered, "I know what drugs do to someone's life. That's why I choose not to take them. They are wrong for me. But if other people choose to take them, that's their choice. I don't think drugs are wrong for them, and they understand that it's wrong for me."

I paused and said, "Let me ask you something. Is anything wrong for everyone?" Now I saw a deer-in-the-headlights expression on her face. I asked, "What about rape? Is it ever okay to rape someone?"

"No!" she insisted.

"So rape is wrong for you," I continued. "What if rape is not wrong for me? Then rape is okay, right?"

"No," she said again.

"Who determines what is right and wrong for everyone?" I asked.

Catching on she sadly answered, "I don't know."

What an amazing moment! No conversation can better capture the spirit of Millennial life. This generation is seeking truth in a world that brands anyone with absolute values as an enemy of freedom, one small step above terrorists.

Societal Changes

Today Xers and Millennials are watching their parents experience their childhoods again. They're buying Harley Davidson motorcycles, Hummer H2s, boats, houses, and other toys with the money they have acquired over a lifetime of hard work. But Xers are haunted by the high price they paid for that materialism: it cost them stable homes and strong relationships with their moms and dads. As a result, Generation Xers as parents are celebrating their Millennial children much more than they themselves were celebrated. Many Boomers are quick to notice how society has become much more kid centered. For example, we now see malls with three types of rest rooms- one for men, one for women, and one for families. Fast-food restaurants have play areas, and housing developments have miniature golf courses and water parks instead of traditional golf courses. Although most Boomers will say that cruise ships are for later in life, advertisers are trying to attract young families.

Gen Xers are making their mark in the work force. More than one-third are opting for nontraditional work. In other words, one out of three workers does not work Monday through Friday, forty hours per week. Instead they are telecommuting, working Webbased jobs, job sharing, and so on.

Also unique is the sociologists' expectation that Generation Xers and Millennials will have between six and eight careers in their lifetimes. Many of today's parents grew up watching their fathers and mothers make tremendous sacrifices out of loyalty to their companies, and some of these parents came up empty for the sacrifice. Their sons and daughters are unwilling to repeat the experience, and corporate America has been quick to respond to these generational trends. A couple of years ago, Silicon Valley dotcom corporations began seeing that the most creative graduates from leading universities were seeking not jobs but locations that supported their lifestyles. Generation Xers and the oldest Millennials are moving to areas that support their interests and values rather than just their careers. This is one reason why big corporations are decentralizing from big cities and traditional locations and placing their businesses in areas where top employees want to live and raise their families. Another insight that is vital to understanding how they think is the realization that both Xers and Millennials have grown up seeing institutions in a negative light. Again, many Xers watched their parents sacrifice everything for the companies they worked for only to be rewarded with layoffs. They also watched churches and ministries crumble due to the hidden sin of their leaders. They watched their parents ignore their commitment to each other and divorce. They got to watch the president of the United States struggle to define sex.They saw executives at corporations like Enron lie and cheat. And they watched Catholic priests come under fire for committing unthinkable acts with children.

Let's look at the earlier generations, though. Boomers were raised by the Traditionals who trusted their churches because they were churches. They trusted the police because they were the police. As a generation, they trusted authority because it was authority. But then the young Boomers pushed against the boundaries and aggressively rebelled against authority with their war protests, Woodstock, and free love. So Generation Xers were raised in Boomer homes with a spark of distrust for institutions, and these Xers have passed on that apprehension to their Millennial kids.

No Easy Answers

Today's young generation trusts what they experience. With the overflow of information available today, conflicting information is not difficult to find-even among the most reliable sources. If an institution, organization, or individual wants to reach Xers and Millennials, relying on an institutional image will not work. Likewise, if a parent wants to be respected, honored, and obeyed in the home, it will take more than saying, "Because I'm you're parent."

A recently divorced mother with custody of her fifteen-year-old son came to me for help. She said, "Danny, I'm preaching to him that drugs will destroy his life and that he should avoid them. He just isn't listening. Will you talk to him?" During the time I spent with this teenager, a few things became very clear. First, he was hurting. The pain bottled up inside this young man was just waiting to erupt. Second, his drug use temporarily took away that pain. Sure, when the high wore off, he experienced additional pain. But to a kid who uses drugs to mask pain, tomorrow is not the greatest concern. "How am I going to survive today?" is the only question. Let me translate what this young man is really saying: "Mom, I hear you, but I can't trust you, because you tore apart our family and you lied to me. Your words can't outweigh what I know from personal experience: I smoke weed and I feel better. Period."

Millennials have trouble trusting not just Mom and Dad but organizations, institutions, and marketing, in general. When a bumper sticker offers a cute slogan we should all live by, this generation simply doesn't buy it. And there are no easy answers, shortcuts, or quick fixes that will help you instantly gain their trust. You will need to invest-your time, your energy, your love-in Millennials you care about. Once the investment is made, though, results will be dramatic.

After all, this generation is seeking; nobody wants to trust more than a Millennial. Nobody wants straight answers more than those who have had to wade through endless voices in search of truth. Acknowledging this reluctance to trust and this desire to trust is the vital first step to understanding the generational values we'll discuss in the next chapter.

Copyright © 2006 by Danny Holland.

About the Author

Danny Holland has studied youth culture professionally for nearly two decades. He is a certified instructor for law enforcement officers in the Commonwealth of Virginia, and his presentations on youth culture, media influence, teen violence, and drug use have been adopted by some of the nation's top law enforcement training organizations. The former executive director of True Lies and the founder of Parent & Teen Universities, Inc., he lives in Williamsburg, Virginia, with his wife and two sons.