The American Teenager in Its Natural Habitat

Reaching Teens in Their Natural Habitat: A Field Guide for Savvy Parents
by Danny Holland

Crucial Insider Knowledge for Connecting and Communicating with Teens

With their incomprehensible lingo, often-bizarre fashion fixations, technological plug-ins, and ever-changing moods, teenagers can seem like an entirely different species. Connecting with them on meaningful levels-let alone actually influencing them-seems beyond the realm of possibility.

What do advertisers and entertainers who grab the attention of teenagers know that you don't? And how can you counteract their influence in your child's life?

Danny Holland, an expert on youth culture, peers into the world of America's kids-and offers proven advice on how parents can adopt the tools of the experts. You'll discover ...

• how today's teenagers think, including their values, priorities, and primary influences
• the communication pattern that speaks most persuasively to teens
• the most effective way to improve your relationship with your teen
• how to determine which battles absolutely must be won
• and many other eye-opening insights

With "insider knowledge," you'll be equipped and empowered with real-world techniques to successfully connect and communicate with your teenager, bridging the gap to build a relationship of lasting influence.

The American teenager in its natural habitat. Does that phrase conjure up images of the Crocodile Hunter wrestling into submission that scaly foreigner who lives in the back bedroom? Or maybe you're envisioning an alien being far too complex to understand. No matter what imagery comes to your mind, the title of this chapter gives the right sense of the situation. Let's hop into our imaginary blimp and take it up for an aerial view.

"Our earth is degenerate these days; there are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; and the end of the world is evidently approaching." Sounds like something out of today's newspaper, doesn't it? Actually these words were found carved on an Assyrian stone tablet dated 2800 BC. Although in some ways young people have been similar for thousands of years, the culture the previous generation refines and leaves for the next does have an impact on that generation. So to really understand today's teens, we need to look at the generations that have gone before them.

The Generations

Let's take a quick look at the common divisions of generations: the Baby Boomers, Generation X, and the Millennials.

Baby Boomers

It's generally agreed that Boomers comprise those people born between the end of World War II (1945) and 1965. They were the first to carry the label "teenager." They lived through the Cold War with the threat of Soviet nuclear-missile attacks, and the most notable moment in history for this generation was the assassination of President Kennedy. Then the civil rights movement and the Vietnam War began to heat up and became prominent issues for Boomer teens. Family values began to erode due to the hippie/free love movement and the rising popularity of hard drugs. Older Boomers entered the work force and became our modern corporate America. They are product-driven, task-oriented people who have had a tremendous impact on our nation.

Generation X

Typically, an Xer is someone born between 1965 and 1981. The older ones started life during the Vietnam War. They watched adult generations reach new heights when astronauts walked on the moon, and they saw those same generations experience uncommon lows with the resignation of President Nixon.

The cultural trait that had the greatest impact on Xers was the state of the American family. Divorce rates escalated during these years, and Xers paid the price. In addition to their divorce rate, the Boomers' preoccupation with themselves resulted in painful family dynamics. Furthermore, sex and drugs, corporate-ladder climbing, and the women's movement combined to make child rearing a low priority for Boomers. Millions of Xer kids went home each day to empty homes because their Boomer mothers had entered the work force to achieve "self-fulfillment" and to help sustain a lifestyle that fathers alone could not support. It's estimated that in 1982 in the United States alone, 25 percent of Xer kids aged six to twelve were latchkey kids-that's seven million children.

It's been said that what one generation tolerates, the next will embrace, and no words ring more true of sexual experimentation in the seventies and eighties. During this time our nation hit one million teen pregnancies each year, and sexually transmitted diseases spread like wildfire, the most famous of which remains incurable-AIDS. But not all news about the Boomers as adults and their legacy is bad news. After all, technology exploded through developments in the space program, medicine, and computers, to name a few. Knowledge grew rapidly, and Xers and Millennials are profiting from the Boomers' hard work.

Millennials

Born between 1982 and the present, during a season of unprecedented prosperity, Millennials were the first generation without a cause in modern history. But when the Twin Towers at the World Trade Center came down on September 11, 2001, this generation found its cause. Innocence was lost and evil was exposed. Shaken to the core by this atrocity, Millennials became consumed with living in harmony with others.

The events of 9/11 forced many American schools to suddenly realize that their crisis plans may have been adequate for dealing with threats from students within their buildings, but they had no solution for dealing with threats from outside their buildings, due to the political climate of the world at large. As a result, Millennials actually like change. In fact, they regard change as a normal part of everyday life; it's as natural to them as water is to fish. Millennial kids have grown up with daily access to more technology than any generation before them, and the first generation of Internet-savvy children has emerged. Parents of young people today are the first generation to have to educate their children about online threats, such as identity theft, music piracy, and child predators. These Internet-savvy kids enjoy a world without boundaries. They chat with kids around the globe and have relationships without geographical limitations. Younger members of this generation have never lived during a time when they could not immediately chat with someone in China, Russia, or Australia. They are plugged in and online. And by the time Millennials turn five, they have already watched thousands of hours of television.

Boomers and Generation Xers embraced tolerance and political correctness, so relativity is alive and well with Millennials. In fact, the absence of absolute truth and an agreed upon standard of right and wrong leaves this young generation without the most basic tool for avoiding pitfalls in life. Consider the conversation I had with one Millennial. She was telling me that she is avoiding drugs even though most of her friends abuse drugs regularly in front of her. I asked, "Are these people your friends?"

She said, "Yes."

"Do you think watching your friends destroy their lives without doing anything to help them is okay?" I asked.

Copyright © 2006 by Danny Holland.

About the Author

Danny Holland has studied youth culture professionally for nearly two decades. He is a certified instructor for law enforcement officers in the Commonwealth of Virginia, and his presentations on youth culture, media influence, teen violence, and drug use have been adopted by some of the nation's top law enforcement training organizations. The former executive director of True Lies and the founder of Parent & Teen Universities, Inc., he lives in Williamsburg, Virginia, with his wife and two sons.