Your Style Checklist

Renewing Your Wedding Vows: A Complete Planning Guide to Saying 'I Still Do'
by Sharon Naylor

(Page 2 of 2)

Start building your renewal celebration right here. Sit down together during some downtime, maybe grab a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, and consider your options as a team so that the event is wonderfully reflective of your partnership. Your kids can certainly help you along the way, turning this process into a terrific family activity. Your children may have special skills that you can use. One might be a musician and can advise on creating a personalized song list. One might have a knack for catering or for graphic arts. Bringing in the family to co-plan can add even deeper levels of meaning to the ceremony and reception.

The checklist on the following pages will start setting the foundation for your event, taking you step-by-step through the most fundamental decisions. Feel free to make extra notes in the margins and between sections-you're your own event planner, so you know what special ideas you have already!

The Size of Your Celebration

We Want:

• A very small party, only immediate family and closest friends
• A small party, under 30 people
• A medium-sized party, 30-50 people
• A large party, 50-75 people
• A larger party, 75-100 people
• A huge party, 100-150 people
• Everyone we've ever known

For the Ceremony

You'll find more on building your ceremony in Part 2. For now, we're just talking about style.

We Want:

• A religious ceremony, led by a religious officiant
• A spiritual ceremony, led by a spiritual officiant
• A secular ceremony, led by a nonreligious officiant
• A secular ceremony, led by a family member or friend
• We'll create and lead our own vow renewal ceremony

The Formality Level

We'll talk more about what you'll be wearing in Part 3, with complete wardrobe advice. For now, I'd like you to use the image of what you'd like to wear as a tool to define the formality of the event itself. After all, just as with weddings, the formality of the celebration will determine many factors such as the location and decor of your party, the style of the invitations you'll send, favors you'll give, the style of catering you'll choose, and so on. It's all connected, so think about the category of formality that's most comfortable for you.

We Want:

• Ultraformal (think of an ultraformal wedding, with the bride in long, floor-length gown and the men in tuxedoes wearing white gloves)
• Formal (think gowns for the women and tuxedoes or suits for the men)
• Semiformal (think gowns or cocktail-length dresses for the ladies and suits for the men)
• Informal (think street-length dresses for the women, suits or jackets for the men)
• Casual (sundresses for the women, and jeans, tee shirts, khaki pants and white shirts for the men; a very laid-back affair)

The Budget

We'll get into your budget in Chapter 4, but it's a guiding principle to state your expected expense level right now. Money may be a factor for your plans, or it might not. Either way, it's best for you both to discuss your clear expectations for what this event will cost so that the very marriage you're celebrating doesn't become strained over the very real pull of spending "just a little bit more to make it extra special." State your wishes now, and then vow to stay close to what you'd originally discussed:

We Want:

• A lower budget affair, no more than $___. It's the meaning of the day that matters most.
• A moderate budget. This is a special event, after all ...
• A sizable budget. Hey, we're worth it!

Sun Factor

We Want:

• Outdoor
• Indoor

Do You Know the Time?

We Want:

• A morning event
• An afternoon event
• An early-evening event
• An evening event
• A late-night event

What's Your Season?

We'll cover choosing the date for your vow renewal celebration in Chapter 3, but I'm including the question of season here to get you thinking. There's no rule that says you have to hold your celebration on your actual wedding anniversary, after all. If you had a summer wedding, you're not restricted to holding your renewal celebration in the summer.

We Want:

• Spring
• Summer
• Autumn
• Winter

Sharing The Moment

Just as important as the moment you'll share with each other when you take your vows once again, are the people who will be standing there with you as witnesses to that moment. The vast majority of the couples I spoke to, whether they renewed their vows after one year or fifty, said that what made the day immensely more special to them was the presence of their children, their grandchildren, their parents, sisters, brothers, family, and friends. Many couples will also include their original bridal party members from their wedding day, sometimes gathered together in the same room for the first time since the original wedding day. This makes a vow renewal celebration a reunion as well, with a sentimental twist as it focuses on your thriving partnership in the past, present, and future.

You had your loved ones at your wedding, and now-at your renewal-your circle of loved ones has grown. Perhaps at your wedding, you mentioned your wish for a family together. Now, your kids and perhaps your grandkids are with you. Your family has grown since then, with new nieces and nephews, your kids' spouses and their families, new friends, clients, colleagues, neighbors... the people who have entered and graced your life.

You're planning this event because of gratitude to your spouse, but you soon realize that this celebration is bigger than the two of you. All of these names on your list or in your thoughts right now, in their own ways, played a part in your success story.

Think of the friends and relatives who have been there for you, who helped you through a hard time in your marriage or through a health crisis, a job loss, a move, a difficult life transition. They may have saved the day with their advice and with their thoughtful offers to help. They grieved with you, they laughed with you, and perhaps even taught you through their own examples and deeds. At times, they may have said just the right thing to defuse a simmering fight with your spouse, or they shared the perfect relationship book that guided you both through a period of taking each other for granted. No marriage is an island. Everyone around the couple contributes in some way. Sharing this day with them is a tribute to them as well, when you thank them for all they've added to your life and to your partnership.

Copyright © 2006 by Sharon Naylor.

About the Author

Sharon Naylor, Sharon Naylor is a wedding expert and the author of over 30 wedding books, including Renewing Your Wedding Vows, The Complete Outdoor Wedding Planner, The Ultimate Bridal Shower Idea Book, and more. She answers questions from brides, grooms, their bridal parties and families at several bridal Web sites, and she has appeared as a wedding expert on Inside Edition, Nightline, ABC News, Fox 5 News, One on One With Steve Adubato, and Lifetime. An in-demand wedding authority, she has been quoted in The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, Newsweek, BBC London, InStyle Weddings, Brides, Modern Bride, Bridal Guide, Southern Bride, Wedding Dresses, Wedding Channel and many others. She lives in Madison, New Jersey.