John D. Moore, MS, CADC

Erick, a 25-year old sales executive has a problem. "Whenever I hang out with my friends to a night club, I feel totally invisible - as if I don't even exist!" With a hint of frustration in his voice he adds, "Do you what it's like to spend hours in the gym each week, only to be completely ignored by everyone? It sucks! I've started to call myself Casper the ugly ghost"

Mike, a 33-year old body builder standing in front of a gym room mirror has a similar problem.

"I do 300 crunches a day and spend more time lifting weights than I do at home. I've got a washboard stomach and a decent physique, with good size calves to boot. I even won a national body building competition last year. But the truth is I never feel big enough." Shaking his head in disapproval while continuing to gaze at his reflection he adds, "The money I spend on grooming products is sending me to the poor house and to make matters worse, I just charged a few grand to my credit card to pay for upcoming cosmetic surgery." Then suddenly he shouts, "Crap, look - a new wrinkle! Honestly, I just hate the way I look!"

Can you relate to Erick and Mike's experiences? When you go out in public, do you feel unattractive, perhaps even ugly? In social settings, are there times that you become extremely anxious, believing that others find you hideously unattractive? If so, take heart because you are not alone. The truth is that for many men, concerns regarding personal body image are a very real concern. To be sure, moderate attention to one's own personal appearance is healthy and quite normal. However, there is a fine between healthy and harmful.

So you may now be asking, "How can I tell the difference?" Below are four warning signs that designed to help you decide. Bear in mind that these warning signs should not be considered a complete list and should be examined in the totality of presenting behaviors.

Sign One: You Constantly Feel Anxiety When Out In Public

Do you always feel anxious whenever out in public, perhaps fearing that others are staring at you because of a self-perceived body flaw? Have you experienced "panic attacks" while in social settings, causing you to become so self-conscious that you have begun to avoid going out all together, including routine jaunts with friends and family? If so, this may suggest a more serious problem known as Social Phobia. The typical traits of Social Phobia can include the avoidance of social situations due to overwhelming fears that others are watching you because of a self-perceived physical defect. Often however, the defect is imagined.

Sign Two: You Frequently Feel Unattractive

Do you feel that others find you unattractive, despite being told opposite by those in your immediate circle? On most days, do you avoid looking into the mirror because you have come to believe that the site of your reflection is "ugly" or even "grotesque"? This particular characteristic may indicate what many mental health professionals refer to as a negative self-concept. If allowed to worsen, it can cause severe depression or in extreme cases, lead to suicide. It may also signify another condition knows as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which brings us to our next warning sign.

Sign Three: You Constantly Stare at Yourself in the Mirror and Focus on One or More Self-Perceived Defects

Do you find it impossible to stay away from the mirror on most days because you have an overwhelming urge to look at "image defects"? Do you try to conceal these defects from the world, using make-up (yes make-up) or clothing? As mentioned in warning sign one, do you avoid social settings because you believe this self-described defect is too revolting for others to see? If you answered yes to these questions, you may be suffering from BDD. For people who suffer from this condition, the self-described defect is often an illusion, but none the less can lead to critically low self-esteem, unnecessary medical procedures (surgeries) and in many cases, severe depression.

Sign Four: No Matter How Much Lift, You Never Feel "Big" Enough

Do you spend several hours each day at the gym, six to seven times per week? Have you used un-prescribed steroids or other chemical growth enhancers with the goal of packing on muscle because you believe that you are underdeveloped? Do you skip important life obligations, such as work or family gatherings in order to keep your gym appointment? If you answered yes to these questions, then you may be living with Muscle Dysmorphia (MD). In short, MD is usually diagnosed when a man has at least two of these symptoms: 1. Gives up important work, social, or leisure activities because of a compulsive need to maintain a workout or diet schedule. 2. Avoids situations when body is exposed to others, or endures those situations with stress or anxiety. 3. Experiences significant distress or is unable to function day to day because of a preoccupation with body size or musculature. 4. Continues to work out, diet, and/or use performance-enhancing substances despite knowledge of adverse affects. If you exhibit two or more of these characteristics, MD may be at play.

Seeking Out Help

Giving proper attention to your personal appearance is part of good physical hygiene. The truth is, we all want to appear attractive and look our best. However, when concerns over personal appearance cause significant emotional distress or interfere with things you once enjoyed, take a few moments to consider the possibility that there may be a more serious problem at hand. If you found yourself relating to one or more of these four warning signs, it may be time to get professional help. Many times, body image issues become so woven into the daily fabric of our daily lives that we are often unaware of the harm being inflicted - both emotionally and physically. In your search for guidance, be sure to seek out a licensed mental health professional who specializes in body image issues. Often, these clinicians will operate from what is called a cognitive-behavioral model with the ultimate goal of changing faulty thought processes and replacing them with more healthy, positive ones.

Summary

There is no shame in having Body Image Issues. Sadly because of stereotypical societal norms, men have been conditioned not to speak about concerns over personal appearance with others - particularly other guys. The reality is however that millions of men each day struggle with these kinds of concerns. The good news is that things are changing. What's more, effective treatments are now available. So go ahead and keep trying to look your best! Just be aware of the warning signs of body image issues and don't be afraid to speak with a professional should the need arise. Remember, when you reach out, you are really reaching in.

Tags: Men's Studies

About the Author

johndmoore.net
JOHN D. MOORE, MS, CADC is the author of Confusing Love With Obsession: When You Can't Stop Controlling Your Partner & the Relationship (Writer's Club Press), a book containing a variety of case histories regarding people who use controlling behaviors in personal relationships. Moore is a certified addictions counselor in the state of Illinois and a Professor of Health Sciences at American Public University.