The Open Flower : Learn to experience your sexuality without fear

by Debora Myers

This may be a difficult subject for some people. Many of us have been taught to be ashamed or embarrassed by our sexual feelings and find ourselves wasting a lot of energy denying, repressing and feeling guilty about them. To be a healthy, complete person we must learn to experience our sexuality without fear and accept it as a beautiful part of ourselves worth celebrating.Let go of any shame and embarrassment from archaic social standards that are connected with loving yourself.

Masturbating can help us to learn about our bodies and we can teach ourselves how to respond sexually. We can love ourselves alone or masturbate mutually with a lover. It is very erotic to watch your love become sexually aroused and vice versa. Self-stimulation helps to relieve sexual tension and therefore helps you fall asleep easier. Repressing your sexuality is unhealthy so masturbating gives us a way to feel pleasure that is self-sufficient and under our control. It provides an outlet for people who are without a lover and is excellent training for learning how to achieve an orgasm. It can enable a partner to have an orgasm when the stimulation through intercourse is insufficient. Masturbation can even help to relieve menstrual cramps.

Loving yourself involves the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an individual. Reprogram your subconscious to view the act as a gesture of self- love and empowerment. Make a date with yourself and take the time to do the special little things that usually get overlooked or put on the back burner because of family, career and other responsibilities.

Find a quiet, warm place where you can be alone without interruption. Remember to turn on the answering machine! Take a hot bath, relax, and take some time to think about the things you like about yourself. Let the day's stress and worries fade away.

Aromatic bath salts and oils can be added to your bath to induce further relaxation and help to heighten the intimacy you are creating. Rub yourself down with lotion or oil and take some time to caress and explore your body. Light a candle and put on your favorite sexy music. This is your time! Now that your relaxed, move to your bed, couch or wherever you are most comfortable.Positive creative fantasy can play a key role in building desire while you love yourself. Visualize your lover or create an imaginary lover with attributes you admire and that turn you on.

One way to enhance your ability to fantasize is to review your favorite personal erotic memories in detail. Tenderly stroke your breasts, thighs and buttocks. Imagine it is a lover touching you. It is arousing to imagine that your dream lover is the one doing the caressing.

There are many different ways to masturbate. We can moisten our fingertips with our own saliva or vaginal fluids, or use a purchased product such as K-Y Jelly or pure coconut oil from the health food store. Gently rub the clitoris with one hand while tweaking your nipple with the other. Rhythmically rub in a circular or an up and down motion. Experiment and explore what feels good to you. Use different levels of pressure and timing. Some women masturbate by crossing their legs while exerting steady rhythmic pressure to the entire genital area. Some women use a small pillow between their legs to rub against and achieve one orgasm after another. Try using a vibrator or dildo to stimulate and mimic the presence of the male member. Practice using muscle tension as a way to heighten or to bring on climax. I know of many women that stimulate themselves to orgasm with the stream from the shower.Let yourself go, don't try too hard, as you become sexually aroused you will feel the blood rush to your pelvis, clitoris and vulva, making you feel full and hot. Your senses become vivified as you let your life energy rocket into beautiful waves of ecstasy. This energy is just waiting for you to set it free and is there for you to explore and use at your will. Don't stifle your life energies. They are there for you to enjoy, so let the damn break and let the river flow. Enjoy your beautiful body/mind/soul and celebrate that individual beauty that makes you so unique.

About the Author

Debora Myers is editor and co-founder of