Winning isn't Everything : Part 2

by Arthur Riegel

(Page 2 of 2)

I can remember a number of times in my coaching career and my parenting careers, when my son and I both learned lessons during his days as a pee wee flag football player. One season, he was drafted onto a team that could not win a game. He would complain on our rides home and at one point told me he didn't want to play anymore. I understood his pain, having been there as a coach and player myself, but also knew that there would be some value in continuing and following through with what he had committed to doing. After much discussion and persuasion on my part, he agreed to finish the season and to simply give his best no matter what the score was in any given game. His team never did win a single game in the regular season, but lo and behold a small miracle did occur. When it came time for the playoffs, his team was able to be successful at the two most important games of the year. That's right; they won the semi final and the championship games. I took the opportunity to point out to my son that had he quit, he would have missed out on being a champion. We also discussed how you never really know how things might turn out if you keep your commitments and your word and just give your best.

Earlier I mentioned a Hollywood movie that produced a very dangerous and unrealistic concept. Hollywood has also produced some very amazing and wonderful stories to inspire us as well. I recently watched "Friday Night Lights" another movie about football. It is all about the highly competitive game of Texas High School football. The best part was the scene in the locker room at half time of the "big game" when the coach starts talking about "Being Perfect", the team's context for the season. He starts off by telling the players to just forget about what's on the scoreboard, to forget about winning, and just go back out on the field to give their best, to give their all for each other and to do it with love in their hearts, and a sense of joy for playing the game. He tells them how much he loves each of them and e models for them what he hopes they have learned... If they play the game to the best of their ability, and for all the right reasons, the final score is not their reward; the feeling they leave with will be. This is the real answer we are all looking for, the answer we find in our Heart with a capital H. In the game of football or the game of life, if we play full out, giving our best and loving what we do, there will only be winners and champions no matter what the scoreboard says. Playing the game for all the right reasons is the key.

Finding and understanding the right reasons to compete was and is the biggest challenge I face on a daily basis no matter what the task. I live in this world of duality and by nature I have a preference for only half of what makes up my perception of reality. I only want to win, I only want happiness etc. The problem is the more attached I am to what I want, the more I also become attached to their opposites. Reality is a dual edged sword. The answer to this puzzle is in not being attached, but rather to play the game from your heart and not your head. You see, it is your head and your ego that sees and experiences the duality and it is your head that creates the preferences based on all the information it has collected over a lifetime of living in this world of opposites. It is your head that will take the winning and losing personally; your heart on the other hand will just go with the flow feeling the joy and love of simply playing the game. It is love that takes you back to the game-time and time again-whether you are winning or losing. In other words, Love isn't everything... it is the only thing. Winning is a happy byproduct.

A few years ago while I was as an assistant coach at the high school level; I was listening to our head coach talk to the players at halftime of a varsity basketball game. He told them that in order to be winners they would have to work hard, play smart, have fun and do it together. I found that to be very good advice. And as I was listening to him speak these ideas, it dawned on me that before anyone would ever want to commit to all the hard work it takes to win, something else would need to be present as well. The reason we become real winners and champions in sports and in life, is mainly that - aside from committing to the hard work, the playing smart, the fun etc. - they had to truly love what they are doing.

If you love what you are doing it is far easier to put in the work, rebound from the losses and shows up to play the game over and over again. As it turns out, when you examine the mindsets and hearts of true champions (whether in sports or in life) what you see and hear from them is how much they love it. Whatever the "it" is for them. All great champions have this as the basis for participating in their chosen endeavors. All great people have learned to play the game from their heart and simply use their head as a compass-a tool to navigate their way to success. This is the most valuable lesson, sports and competition has taught me. This is the most valuable lesson we can teach our young athletes. "Winning isn't everything-it's loving what you do that means everything."