Positive Thinking : Spread A Little Sunshine

by Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

Have you noticed that the majority of human beings seem to focus on the negative? Bad news sells newspapers, television shows, and magazines; good news often is overlooked. I hated watching the evening news on television in the United States: the "top story" was always about murder, arson, or some natural disaster. On rare occasions, some positive "human interest" story would get a brief moment at the end of the show. Of course, the news reflects what we, the consumers, seem to want. We seem to consume the negative. People love to gossip: more often than not, there is much more energy put into "airing the dirty laundry," rather than extolling the virtues of our fellow human beings. Why not spread a little sunshine? Let's offer something positive to the world...

Recently, I was attending a function in Providenciales, in the Turks and Caicos Islands, where I now live. I saw a woman I know. At the time she was an acquaintance, but not someone I knew extremely well. She is a beautiful woman with a very bubbly personality; every time I see her, I am struck by the smile on her face that can light up a whole room. At this function, I was just moved to go up and say something to her, despite my fears that she might think it "weird" or something. So I walked up to her, got her attention, and said, "You know, you are like liquid sunshine! Every time I see you, you exude so much joy." I was not quite prepared for her reaction. She was blown away. Her eyes seemed about to tear up, and she said, "That is so sweet! That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!" It was as if she had never truly felt seen before... as if nobody had ever told her how beautiful her presence was.

I was extremely moved by the moment I had shared with this woman: there was a realness, without barriers. The next day, as I pondered the exchange, I felt strangely sad. Why hadn't anyone told her this before? Why don't people compliment each other more often? I remembered a friend of mine from college. She was tall, willowy, with striking features: she looked like a model. She was very modest, with the sweetest personality. When my friend and I told her she was beautiful, she would blush and discount our words, assuming we were just saying that because we were her friends and wanted her to feel better about herself. She seemed to have no idea that she was really attractive or appealing in any way. Why? I think because nobody had ever complimented her when she was growing up. I believe that this happens a lot more often than you would expect. When we see someone who is beautiful, or smart, or talented, we just assume that the person knows; thus, we feel no need to tell him or her. Sometimes, the green-eyed monster of jealousy arises: we expect those people to be "full of themselves," and we never give them a chance by getting to know them. As a therapist, I often have witnessed the ironic outcome: many of these beautiful, intelligent, talented people -- who we expect to be egotistical -- actually lack self-esteem. The parents, relatives, or friends who feared "giving them a big head" never complimented them, and the people who felt envy never befriended them. Thus, they do not realize their own gifts, and do not understand why so many people seem to dislike them. I find this a very sad state of affairs.

Why not accentuate the positive and spread a little sunshine? Instead of focusing on the negative or digging up the dirt, why not spend more time looking for the beauty, the uniqueness, and the talents of the people we encounter? When you are looking for beauty, you will begin to see it more and more. When you discover it, don't be afraid to compliment someone. Not only will it make them feel good, it will make you feel good, as well. I truly believe the saying, "What goes around, comes around." When you put out kindness and positive energy, you will receive it back. You may even discover -- much to your surprise -- that you become the friend of someone you never would have expected to get along with. Just think, if each of us made the effort to look for the merits of others and to compliment one person every day, how much more joyful the world would be.

About the Author

The Art of Loving