Success: How Sweet It Is… Till Resentment Comes Along

by Paul Mauchline

Success brings personal fulfillment. Success brings it rewards of money and prestige. Success brings material things: fancy new cars, a sprawling suburban home, exotic holidays, private schools for your children, and much more. Success brings recognition of your achievements within your community, and a standing of excellence among your peers within your chosen profession or business. Success brings the respect and happiness of your loved ones and friends who have cheered you on through the hurdles to get to where you are today. The phrase that comes to mind right now is, "How Sweet It Is." Success and all the rewards that come with it are sweet and satisfying... or are they?

Why is it that so many successful people I encounter are unhappy with their success and accomplishments in their lives? The answer is quite simple: because they allow the feelings of resentment from others to affect how they feel about themselves. Resentment presents itself in many different forms. For example: You are promoted to CEO of your company; three of your colleagues, who had been your peers, now feel left behind. You buy a new house, car, boat, or other material possession; this attracts the attention of your friends and neighbors, many of whom cannot afford such things right now. Your successful business is the subject of a national newspaper article; many people you know see the article, and some wonder why your business, not their own or someone else's, was singled out for recognition. One form of resentment really hits the heart: resentment from members of your own family (a very important topic that I will address in my next article in this series). Your success will, without a doubt, bring out the worst in many people in your life with whom you associate. As you were climbing the ladder of success, you probably had a vision of the "positive attention"; however, most likely, you were not prepared to handle the "negative attention" you now receive, as well.

It is a part of human nature that we tend to seek the approval of others. Many of us feel bad or guilty when we become aware that our friends and loved ones harbor feelings of resentment toward us. Now, all of a sudden, the achievements and successes that come from your hard work may not taste all that sweet to you anymore. The words, actions, and influence of others bring a bad taste instead of a sweet taste of success to you. In these times, it is important to remember that the judgments of others say more about the person judging than about the person being judged. In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz expressed this idea simply and elegantly: "Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. It simply reflects their own life experiences and the training they received when they were children." Other peoples' jealousy and resentment towards you is simply a reflection of their own insecurities and lack of self-esteem; perhaps, most fundamentally, it is a reflection of their fear. It puzzles me why others cannot just be happy for us. Instead they try to manipulate us with their own unhappiness -- as the old saying goes, "Misery loves company." More importantly, they project their own fears onto us. As we find ourselves to be the targets of these negative projections, it is no wonder our success sometimes does not taste so sweet to many of us.

I would like to add one caveat to what I have said above: I am not promoting the idea that, when you feel judged by others, you should turn around and judge them back. When you are the target of feelings of resentment from others, while you understand that this reflects their fear and insecurity, you also need to take a long hard look at yourself - your own fears and insecurities - as well. Are your actions helping to create these types of feelings among others? Are you flaunting your success, to try to "prove" something to yourself or someone else? Are you coming from a place of self-love and love for others? Or are you coming from a place of fear? Flaunting your success and the material things you gain will, without a doubt, alienate you from your colleagues, friends, and loved ones. This, in turn, will create unhappiness for you. This is an important thought for all of us to ponder. I have seen too many examples of a person allowing success to go to his or her head, inflating the ego... and I have seen the destruction that follows. In my lifetime, I have had the privilege to meet many successful people from all walks of life. In my eyes, the truly successful individual is humble and does not feel the need to flaunt his or her success or wealth.

Let us assume, now, that you are coming from the right place inside - that you are not flaunting your success - yet you still are experiencing resentment from others. How do you prevent this resentment from raining down on your hit parade of success? In my humble opinion, ignore the resentment you get from others - or, more importantly, don't take it personally. It is all choice. I choose my life to be full of love, not consumed by the fears of others. The love we have for ourselves is a key, contributing factor to our success in life, whether it is in business, career, community, or family. Your example of love to those you encounter each day will, in many cases, quell their resentment towards you over time. Some people that you know may just have too much fear to overcome, and no matter how loving you are towards them, will continue to resent you. My thoughts about such a situation may sound very selfish and unloving, but I choose to remove people like this from my life. I prefer to put my love and energy into people who can accept and appreciate me for the individual who I am, which includes my successes.

Success is not solely measured in dollars and cents. Many of us today are too consumed by our achievements in our careers or businesses, and by the pursuit of the almighty dollar. When we become so consumed, we forget our spouses, families, friends, and, more importantly, ourselves. In my opinion, work and money should not take priority over love for yourself, your partner, family, and friends. True success is a daily practice expressed by our thoughts, words, and actions: it comes from sharing our love and happiness with all those that we encounter.

About the Author

The Art of Loving