Love on the Other Side of the Fence

by Paul Mauchline

We all have heard the old cliché, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." So how do we feel about love on the other side of the fence? Is love on the other side of the fence better? In some cases, it is, but in many cases, it is not.

I have encountered many people, over the years, who find themselves in a new relationship after searching in greener pastures. These same people, however, eventually miss their old partner whom they know, in their heart of hearts, was the one for them. I recently read a letter, penned to Ann Landers by "Heavy-Hearted In Philly," who said:

"I would like to share my story because I know a lot of people think of their lives the way I thought of mine. Sometimes you feel lonely and unloved in a marriage, even after 23 years. You feel as if there has got to be more to life, so you set out to find someone who can make you blissfully happy. You believe that you have found that someone and decide he is exactly what you want. So you pack up and say goodbye to that 23-year marriage and all the friends you made when you were part of a couple. You give your children the option of coming with you or staying with their father. You live the glorious life for a few years and then a light bulb goes on in your head. You realize that you have exactly the life that you had before -- the only difference is that you've lost your friends, your children's respect and the best friend you loved and shared everything with for 23 years. And you miss him. You realize that love does not just happen; it must be nurtured through the years. You cannot undo what has been done, so you settle for a lonely and loveless life with emptiness in your heart. Ann, please print my letter so others will not give up something that is truly precious and let them know that they won't know how precious it is until they have thrown it away."

This woman from Philly, after 23 years of marriage, set out to find someone new to make her "blissfully happy." In my opinion, this is a very unrealistic expectation. We cannot expect a relationship or another individual to make us "blissfully happy." We have to be happy within ourselves, first and foremost. Establishing a relationship with the right person should only enhance our happiness in life. Philly says something very significant that I am sure she wished she had realized at the early stages of her marriage: "Love does not just happen; it must be nurtured through the years." If you are currently exploring the question, "Am I happy in my current relationship?" If you are currently single and asking yourself, "Am I ready for a relationship?" You need to understand what took this woman over 23 years to realize, so that you do not make the same mistake. We have to incorporate the art of loving into our daily lives, as individuals, and as part of a couple in a loving, committed relationship. We have to understand, as she found out much too late, that: "love does not just happen, it must be nurtured through the years." With this understanding, and while practicing the art of loving, you will be able honestly to answer some very important questions to yourself: "Are you the one for me?" and "Are you not the one for me?"

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The Art of Loving