Loving Everyday

by Paul Mauchline

One of the most important keys to having a mature, loving relationship is to recognize the importance of practicing the art of loving every day. If you are not prepared to do this daily work, you will never experience mature love. Relationships either rise or fall-- they do not stand still. If you are not putting in the effort, you are neglecting your partner and contributing to the eventual demise of the relationship. Practicing the art of loving, each day, insures that your relationship will rise.

Loving relationships are built. They do not happen by chance. It's the little things that you do (taking a few seconds or a few minutes each day) that will make the difference in your relationship. It's taking the time to share a moment with one another before you go to work, instead of rushing out of the house. It's a phone call at some point during the day to talk to one another. When you arrive home, it's sharing the day's events with each other, instead of opening the mail or collapsing on the couch with the remote control. It's preparing dinner together, doing the dishes, sitting and having a cup of tea or coffee or maybe a glass of wine. It's touching and being physically close while lying on the couch, or holding one another while watching television or listening to music. It's being able to give your full attention to your partner, making eye contact and really listening when he or she is talking. It's validating what your partner says and feels, by providing genuine empathy and understanding. It's noticing and expressing appreciation for the little things your partner does for you. It's letting your loved one know how important he or she is to you, and how much you appreciate his or her presence in your life. It's being spontaneous and expressing your feelings to one another. It's consciously being aware of (and avoiding doing) the little things that annoy your partner: such as leaving the toilet seat up, squeezing the toothpaste the wrong way, leaving makeup all over the bathroom counter, leaving dirty clothes all over the floor... I think you know what I'm talking about.

Expressing your love does not have to be expensive. Spontaneously giving one rose has the same thought behind it as giving a dozen. Little surprises-- gifts, notes, and greeting cards-- make your partner feel valued and loved by you. A new car, a new house, a Caribbean holiday, expensive jewelry, a fur coat, an expensive night on the town... these are all wonderful, but when it comes right down to it, it's the little things, that we do daily, that are most important. The little things are what build loving relationships and allow us to experience mature love.

You have got to take responsibility and make the time to give love to one another every day. By making your partner a priority in your life, and remembering to do the little things that make your loved one feel cared for and appreciated, you will be on your way to realizing life's most wonderful experience: that of rising in love with one another. Coretta Scott King, widow of slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., recently said that if she had to pinpoint the most important message she has learned in her life, "it would be that love is the most powerful healing force on earth, and it is available to us all. If we can learn how to love one another, there is nothing we can't do." So we can rise above, and rise in love, when we practice the art of loving with our partner on a daily basis.

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The Art of Loving