On Volvos & Ferraris: An Automotive Analogy for Love, Passion and Relationships

by Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

So what on Earth do cars have to do with love? (Other than the fact that some people seem to fall in love with their cars)! Well... maybe nothing... maybe everything. In this case, I would like to use them in an analogy that may help us to look at and better understand relationships. First of all, I need to make a disclaimer: In terms of automobiles, I have never owned either a Volvo or a Ferrari, and this is meant neither as an endorsement of nor as a warning against any particular type of car. I am simply using my own (and what I believe are our cultural) associations with these types of cars in order to illustrate aspects of relationships. In purchasing an automobile, people look at and value different aspects: for instance, one buyer may want a car that is dependable with good safety features, while another may want a car that is fast, sleek, and fun to drive. Similarly, when "shopping" for a partner in relationship, one person may be looking primarily for someone who can provide a stable relationship, whereas another person maybe looking more for passion and excitement.

What or Who is a Volvo?

Most people associate Volvos with something safe and dependable. In relationship, a Volvo would be a person who is seen as more stable and responsible. This person may be financially secure: he or she may be wealthy, in a profession that steadily provides a good income, and/or capable of handling finances well. A Volvo person may be seen as emotionally mature or healthy (more calm, less prone to sudden bursts of strong emotions such as rage, able to communicate feelings in a constructive way). A Volvo partner would be seen as honest, trustworthy, and loyal. A Volvo relationship is one in which there is caring and consideration between partners. Volvo partners may feel love, but lack feelings of passionate attraction, lust, or infatuation.

What or Who is a Ferrari?

Say the word Ferrari, and most people have associations such as: fast, sleek, chic, exciting, sexy. In relationship, a Ferrari would be a person who is seen as passionate, sexy, physically attractive, or in other ways socially desirable. A Ferrari person would be viewed as someone fun and exciting to be with. Perhaps this person is a sensation seeker, who enjoys sports like skydiving, whitewater rafting, or flying airplanes. Perhaps this person just oozes sexual energy on the dance floor and seems like he or she would be a hot, sensual lover. In comparison to a Volvo, the Ferrari partner may be more emotionally expressive or volatile. Perhaps this partner will bring out your own jealousy and insecurity: he or she may be so attractive and get so much attention from others, that you are uncertain whether your mate is trustworthy or capable of upholding a monogamy agreement, if there is one. A Ferrari relationship comes fully equipped with that exciting emotional roller coaster of infatuation, passion, and lust. But unlike in the Volvo relationship, the caring, consideration, and stability of love are lacking. It is fun and exciting while it lasts, but you are never certain when the ride will come to an end, and your partner will be trading you in for a newer model.

Scenario 1: I Thought I Was Buying A Ferrari, But I Ended Up With A Volvo

Both scenarios I will present are intended to illustrate common occurrences in relationships: the names are fictitious, but you may recognize your own experience in one or both of them... When Linda first met Tom, sparks were flying. The first time they made love, it felt so wonderful and so intimate. Linda felt like she was falling head over heels in love. She felt an incredible "high" whenever the phone rang and it was Tom on the other end. Tom lived near a harbor, and sometimes he would take Linda out on his boat. He always seemed creative in coming up with ideas about where to go and what to do on dates. Most of these dates eventually ended up at one of their homes, with Linda and Tom passionately making love. Some months passed, and Linda realized that she and Tom were going out less and less, staying in more and more. They were still having sex on a regular basis, but somehow their lovemaking seemed less passionate and more mundane. The so-called honeymoon period was over: somehow the passion seemed to have disappeared, and a less exciting routine had set in. Initially, Linda had thought she was getting a Ferrari. Suddenly, she found herself with a Volvo, in the sense that things had become predictable. She wondered where the fun and excitement had gone - and where was the Tom with whom she thought she was getting involved. Was she now stuck with the Volvo? Should she keep it or trade it in for a new Ferrari? Or was there some way to bring out the Ferrari in Tom again?

About the Author

The Art of Loving