From Euphoric Love to Rising Love

by Paul Mauchline

You have found the one for you, and are experiencing euphoric love: deep passion, romance, and hot steamy sex. Perhaps you feel like you are "falling in love." Now I ask the question, "How can we reach the next level of loving?" In my opinion, mature love is about rising, not falling. Falling is something out of our control, whereas rising is a conscious growing process. So how do we continue rising in love? How do we graduate from euphoric love to mature love and intimacy?

What you have at the beginning of your relationship is a tiny seed: the start of something, the beginning. The initial stage of love, with its intensity, passion, and physical closeness feels deceptively like the seed of love has matured overnight into a flourishing tree. I hate to disillusion you -- I love fantasy like the next person -- but during this stage of love, your relationship is still that itty-bitty seed. When you plant a seed, it germinates; it begins to grow and develop. At the euphoric stage of love, you and your partner are like the seed.

Your love is only starting to grow. You might feel 40 feet high, but you are still 6 inches in the soil. Just as the planted seed requires nourishment and care to grow, so too does love. Planting your seed in good quality soil, giving it the right amounts of nutrients, water, and sunlight will produce a strong, resilient, healthy sapling that has a chance to mature into a full grown tree. If neglected during any stage of growth, it will weaken and deteriorate, and if completely neglected, it will die. The same can be said about a loving relationship.

Love is a living, growing, dynamic thing. It grows in stages that require sustenance and careful attention to flourish. Without the proper care, love will eventually fade. Lets look at the first ingredient for growing a seed: the soil. The soil is you and your partner, as individuals. The soil conditions must have all the right elements to stimulate growth. Self-love is the foundation for fertile soil. For love to grow, both you and your partner need to be happy, self-fulfilled, and content within yourselves. Many of us look to our partner to save or complete us, to make us happy. However, looking to another to make you feel loved, without first looking to yourself, will never work. Remember, it all starts with you. If you do not love yourself, you are not going to be able to love another individual. Neither will you be able to attract an individual who ultimately makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Before you enter into mature love, you, as an individual, have to know who you are, what you need, and what you want out of life. You have to do all of the work on yourself, first. If you are angry or hurt, and have not dealt with past emotional baggage, you are not ready for mature love. Your soil is not healthy enough to nurture and support the growth of something larger than yourself. You are not ready for any kind of solid, lasting, loving relationship. You have to be honest with yourself to know if you are ready to commit to mature love.

If you find yourself ending relationships once the euphoric stage has ended, you need to go back and work on yourself. Other people are not the problem-- it's you. We find it so easy today to blame others or outside circumstances for our difficulties, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. Be truthful with yourself. We are all human: We are not perfect; we all have flaws. If you find yourself moving from one abusive relationship to another, you have to ask yourself, "What is it about me that makes me attracted to this type of person? Why do I choose to be a victim? Why do I choose to repeat this pattern?" If several past partners have left you, complaining that you smother them, maybe you need to ask yourself why you feel so insecure. If you have had relationships in which you have given up your dreams and goals, your individuality, for another person, maybe you need to ask yourself, "Why do I need to live my life vicariously through my partners?" or "Why do I sacrifice myself for others?" When you have examined yourself and are comfortable with who you are, when you are honestly able to love yourself, you are ready to commit to mature love.

What does it take to cultivate mature love? What does it take to rise in love? How do you take that little seed and grow it to that forty-foot high, mature tree? It does not happen overnight. A forty-foot tree does not grow in a year; it takes a lifetime. So does mature love. It's a lifelong commitment that requires patience, confidence, discipline, concentration, faith, and practice daily. Mature love does not happen on Valentine's Day, Christmas, New Years, birthdays, or vacations; it happens every day of your life. If you only put forth the effort at certain times of the year, your relationships will wilt and eventually disappear. Daily efforts are required to maintain your relationships, whether they are with your partner, children, or coworkers.

About the Author

The Art of Loving